Guys have feelings too. Why can't women see that?

Question

Seems like we have to yell or leave before it's understood that it's serious. I've prefaced it with "I feel this way because" and "This is something that bothers me" or by any number of other ways it can be said. Issue is that I'm not heard. Not validated in my own feelings from her but she says she needs it from me. ANY IDEAS? I'm sick of the yelling and want to express myself in a calm safe environment. She wants this too we just are having trouble getting their.

Answer 1

Great question. We've been working on that too.

First, why can't women see our emotions? Well, one physiological reason is that men's faces appear like a mask compared to women's faces. Try copying her facial expressions and you'll see what I mean. We literally can't move our face muscles in the same way. And when we try to use more facial expressions we may feel foolish. I've been picking up some of my partners facial expressions over the years, and when I employ them she responds positively (i.e. in a more understanding way).

Next, I believe, is identifying the source of your feelings. Phrases like "I feel this way because" and "This is something that bothers me" will only be effective to a certain degree. Yes, they are more diplomatic then "You make me feel," and "You bother me", but it seems to me that they are only a partial step towards better communication. I say this becuase we either continue to surrender our feelings to things in our environment, or we stop at that point. "This is something that bothers me" takes the blame away from her, but it also keeps you from avoiding responsibility as to the part you play in your feelings.

Look for the reasons inside yourself. See if you can find your personal tendencies that influence you to always act in a certain way in a certain situation. The only way to effectively and reliably change communication is to start with one's understanding of oneself. So, for example "This is something that bothers me," can be followed by asking "why does this bother me", or "does this really have to bother me". Or "why do I feel this way?"

Words are useful tools; however, intention is paramount. We must be careful not to blame our partners.

Finally, most of the "issues" we have are internal and would resurface no matter who our partners are.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where your feelings are not heard. I am guessing you are married to this woman. If you are finding it difficult to get your feelings across verbally maybe you should try sending her an email. That way you can say what you want to say without interruptions and yelling. I am hoping she reads the email and decides she wants to talk with you. You guys need to work on this issue because communication is essential in a marriage. Hope my suggestion works. Good luck!

Answer 3

well some women fell that men are the strong ones the brave ones and they have a heart of steel and then you hear as a kid that men arent suppose to cry so some women think that men hearts dont get broken but in fact they do men just dont know how to show their emotions but when things get heated at home try to go in another room and calm down then come back sit down at a table cross from one another and talk without the yelling and express how you feel even if you feel the need to cry let it out dont hold back or try writing things down and reading them aloud to her and vice versa good luck

Answer 4

Yes indeed Men young and older do have their own personal feelings, and emotions. They have their ups and downs just like their female counterpart does, It is just displayed differently. Just because a man doesn't shed tears has nothing to do with him not hurting as bad as a female, maybe his pain is greater than hers. How dare anyone dictate how you should act or react when emotionally upset or traumatized. Females are criers by nature. It has to do with the brain mechanics. The fem ale's sensitive hemisphere's are closer to the front of the brain where as the man's is set further back. So that prevents him from reacting in a way we think we would like him to. I think men have it much rougher when going through hardships and turmoil. Because we tend to depend on them to hold up and be strong and that simply is not fair , and can be totally misconstrued as not having feelings at all. Sorry but they hurt just like you and I. Give the men a break Ladies. Please, they will be forever grateful to you. Treat them with tenderness. They feel too.They are human being's that wouldn't mind a shoulder to cry on if you would let them be themselves, They are givin a bad rap because we see them differently ,rather than just treating them with care and understanding and patience.

Good Luck Men,

Marseille

Answer 5

just like women are taught to be to emotional, men are taught to be the opposite. sometimes it's hard for a woman to see/acknowledge a mans emotions as real. they only seem to show up and matter when the man is frustrated. women go through this all the time, and men don't seem to care.....

Answer 6

The more you yell at each other the less either of you are going to hear what the other is saying.

Answer 7

will she just don't want to work with you.been marry-ed 20yrs.i was the same way for about 3-4 yrs came to my self.and now my man is glad that i talk to him make him know that we can talk about anything now.so it not you woman and man go threw this all the time.i call it changing from single to as beeing as 1 together .its hard for men and woman to trust.and **** happens at that time .just tell her trust and love as 1.

Answer 8

It sounds like she's the one with the problem, not you. Ditch her and find someone that will appreciate you for who you are and will listen to you.