i went out to a friends house party last month,i had to much alcohol to drive home, i went to lay down in theyre spare room,5 minutes later his wifes friend came in the room, needless to say we ended up having sex,next day i told my wife what happened , now she wants to go everywhere i go, i told her im sorry many times,my question is will she ever trust me again ?
2006-08-16 12:58:40 · 9 answers · asked by hunglow 3 in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
First answerer said no, but my ex husband was unfaithful after our first year of marriage, I was pregnant with my second child and I was 18 although he didn't really deserve it (done after too) I did actually learn to trust him again. Forgiving somebody I find quite easy and forgetting comes with time but trust can only be earned.
Give her time, and if you are worth trusting then she will again. I was always a fighter, and was determined not to be a jealous type, or one who shoved a mistake down his throat. It was damn hard work sometimes pretending not to hurt for the sake of him hurting but looking back I do not regret being as I was. I don't regret him doing it either because I grew, not easy to explain but time heals if she can let go of yesterday for tomorrow, for you both.
Sorry isn't enough I'm afraid to say, she needs to see it and she needs time nothing you can do now but lie in the bed you made.
I wish you both luck
2006-08-16 13:12:45 · answer #1 · answered by WW 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I highly doubt she will ever trust you again. Put yourself in her shoes for a second...
She tells you she's going to her girlfriends for a party. She ends up having a few too many cocktails and decides, for her own safety, she better not drive home. She goes to pass out in the spare room at her friends when in comes her friends brother...he's single and good looking. Needless to say, they have sex. Next day she gets home and tells you what, or better yet who, she did last night. Are you pissed? Hell yeah you are! You two are married and she's out doing somebody else.
Then you have to wonder...was she really too drunk to drive or did she just say that so she could hook up with this guy? Did she enjoy him so much that it might happen again? What's going to happen if we, as a married couple, run into this guy somewhere? Will there be flirty looks between the two of them? Will she picture him when she's in bed with you? Is she calling this guy while she's at work? Or meeting him on his lunch break? Is she trying to hook up with this guy everytime she is away from you? Are they meeting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart for a quickie when she says she's grocery shopping? Etc...
These are the questions going through your wife's head. This is why she wants to go everywhere with you. She is thinking that, maybe, it could possibly be more than just a night of drunken stupidity. Although she may eventually forgive you for this, I highly doubt she will ever forget or trust you again.
I would suggest having a serious heart to heart with her and reassure her every day for the rest of your life that she is the one you want to be with. Counselling might be a good course of action aswell. Good luck and Shame On You!
2006-08-16 21:54:27 · answer #2 · answered by Antisocial 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you cheat on somebody - you humiliate them. I dont know if you have ever been truly humiliated in your life? It could have been when you were a small child and you still remember it when you are an adult - sometimes it even affect the person you become and how you act in certain situations. This was basically saying : You are not important to me, I dont think of you or your feelings. You EARN trust. You just destroyed a BIG BIG trust with your wife. Sorry unfortunately will not cover it. You will have to SHOW her many many times that you truly love her.
2006-08-16 21:34:14 · answer #3 · answered by iluvafrica 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm I wouldn't. Would you trust her again if she cheated on you? Regardless if she were drunk or not? Once a cheater, always a cheater is pretty much the norm.
If you are really sincere show her you are. It will take time, you made a big mistake. Even if you were drunk when it happened some part of you must have wanted to do it or you wouldn't have. Why didn't you call her to pick you up? Call a cab? If you want your relationship to work you're going to have to work your *** off to make up for what you did.
2006-08-16 20:20:19 · answer #4 · answered by Jes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
O.k. let me tell you about my experience with a cheater. So I have a son and his dad and I (until recently) have been off and on again for 71/2 yrs. So anyways that is a long time and in that amount of time I learned that he cheated on me for 2 yrs straight. So when I finally realized what was going on I left him and then shortly I was back with him. I forgave him for cheating on me but I never forgot that he cheated on me. It took alot of will power and self seeking for me to finally be able to trust him again. But what made it easier to trust him was that I just basically thru up my hands and said oh well, I have two options I can learn to live with the fact that he will more then likely cheat again and if I can't handle that I need to just let him be, or I can give it my all and learn to trust him again but have an "I dont care attidude" that will drive him insane and then he will be so focused on what is going on with me that he wont want to lingure away from me too long cuz I sent him mixed signals that he's not used to seeing. So then he would spend more time and attention on his son and me that in the end I would have to trust him again since he stopped going places do to me reversing the tables on him without him even realizing it. So basically its all up to the girl either she is up to the challange of forgiving you and trusting you. And if she has to follow you around where ever you go she should just end it now cuz that means she has her own insecureties and that no matter how much you try she will never learn to trust you again. She either has to let you have you're own space and learn to deal with the fact that yes you cheated but at least you where man enough to come clean about it and tell her. You weren't trying to hide it from her to go do it again.
2006-08-17 08:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may trust you sooner or later, But she has insecurities about getting drunk again and she won't forgive you next time and want a divorce.
2006-08-16 23:05:20 · answer #6 · answered by skyelark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope
she may forgive BUT never forget
once a cheater .. alwyas thought as a cheater
2006-08-16 20:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by Mopar Muscle Gal 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't know whether she will. I wouldn't. You earn trust and you've failed the test.
2006-08-16 20:23:56 · answer #8 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Absolutely not, you should feel lucky that you are still married!
2006-08-16 20:04:51 · answer #9 · answered by YourDreamDoc 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋