I have been married for 14 years and our marriage has been sex starved for just about the whole time. I was always the one the one to initiate it and many times got rejected. I don't initiate anymore for the fear of being rejected, it hurts. I have talked, cried, and asked to get help, but my husband won't budge. He acts like it 's all in my head. I am 36 yrs. old and have never cheated, but I don't want to wake up one day at 50 and regretting life. We have talked about having children, but I don't see that happening. Any advice?
2006-08-16 12:40:41 · 34 answers · asked by fustrated 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sure. Your husband needs to see a doctor. I'm assuming you are not a fat, sloppy smelling unkempt female -- that you and he are attractive, clean, middle class and all the rest of it. Lack of a libido in a male indicates lack of testosterone, and that can be fixed. If you were a guy writing this, and being rejected by your wife, I'd suggest that perhaps you weren't a very good lover, and needed to learn to take care of her first before you took care of yourself. You can give him the "If, Then" contract, but it is pretty final....." IF we do not go see a doctor and a therapist THEN I want out of this marriage..........." Like I said, it's pretty final. But like you said, you don't want another 14 years of this either.......
2006-08-16 12:49:31 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big flag if he is telling you its all in your head. How long into the relationship did it go sour- you said sex starved for about the whole time-
Well, if you want this to work, I would try and get some confidence built into you, try a new hairdo, a hobby, reading, something independent of him, something different in the bedroom perhaps? A night out with the girls and do some innocent flirting with the opposite sex.
If all else fails, maybe its time to consider going seperate ways- give it your best and if he is not into you then he is not for you
Good luck!
Jennifer
2006-08-16 12:46:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out now while you are still young. I am just waking up now after 27 years - the last 8 with no sex, no touching, no love. I'm sure you feel very unloved and unlovable at this point - once you are away from him, you will feel much better about yourself. Children will only make things worse. Find someone else or have a baby on your own if you don't want to wait, but if he is not willing to work on making things better, you are better off getting out now.
2006-08-16 13:07:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are enduring this very frustrating thing..I KNOW what you are talking about..trust me. You didn't meantion if there is still love there. I am sorry, but if one of you has grown stubborn and won't try to give what the other needs more often, you might be at a point to think of a break. You have no kids to hurt. You DO have your Woman's Heart to protect, nourish, respect, and love. You have your own reasons for staying tied to this man..are they enough for your well being? It is time for you to get a little selfish and consider what you are truly getting from this marriage and if going out on your own would make your dreams come true.
2006-08-16 12:49:07 · answer #4 · answered by Kay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello, i thought i was the only one. i have been in a relationship on/off 10 years, same thing. i know it's not me. i am as they say very, very attractive not to be consi. but thats what they say and plenty of guys would love to show me the attention that i dont get at home. but i dont go there. I am at the point where i just turned 35 last week and am not getting any younger. i have deciede just to tell him . i cant live like this anymore and either he'll except it . do something about or i will move on. i will not live like this anymore . there is someone out there i know that will definatelty enjoy me..
2006-08-16 12:50:32 · answer #5 · answered by need to know 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absent a physical health issue, your husband is seriously twisted emotionally. I'm talking about deep-rooted, severe emotional disabilities. You see this not only in sex, but in the lack of true intimacy in all aspects of your marriage.
If you're looking for help... there is none. The problem is too deep and too ancient to be recovered now. If you're looking for validation of your desire or thought to leave.... sheez. You don't need it. Get out. no one should sacrifice that much, endure that much and miss out on that much.
2006-08-16 12:49:52 · answer #6 · answered by antirion 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump him or get a good vibrator. Been married for 20 years, last five have been sexless, couple of times a year, nothing at all the last year. Masterbate on average at least once a day.
2006-08-16 13:10:48 · answer #7 · answered by covet_you2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what are u hanging on ??? is it love ??? if he loves u then he wud hav made love to u ... so whats the problem maybe he got an erection problem which he is embarrassed of ... no its nto like that ... or else u wud hav known by now ... so i dont get it ... why r u hanging out with sumone who doesnt hav any attraction to u ??? and u dont hav any kids ... is he active or what i think he is totally crazy .... or he is taking sumhow any revenge ... i dont know ... u shud talk to him ... and demand ur needs to be fulfilled or he lets u fulfill ur needs by ur way ... and try to get over this relation ...this will end on nothing ...caz if u dont hav a nice family u wont understand the meanign of this life completely ...
so i suggest that u move on with ur life ... atleast try to satisfy ur needs ... that is normal that is being human ... if u think he is not gud enough for u ... leave him alone ... and get ur life ... but if u love him that much though he doesnt deserve then u shud talk to him to hav an open relationship ...
2006-08-16 12:53:41 · answer #8 · answered by Ahbab Da Coolest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
f he is the same age as u he must be cheating. Get dress put on some sexy stuff and move around to mall and other places. He will wonder or hell u need u some go and find a love
2006-08-16 12:54:35 · answer #9 · answered by sazzybmt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eek! since he's not listening to you, move on. i don't mean cheat on him! just buy a couple things just for you. some sex toys, some sexy clothes, and go out with your girlfriends. have fun! you're still young! it may help you to innocently flirt with other men...make it clear that you are married, but have an engaging conversation with a man. it's healthy. if things continue to stay the same in your marriage, you may need to move on (i mean separation) especially if you want kids.
2006-08-16 12:49:07 · answer #10 · answered by magerk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋