My husband of eight years has hinted about wanting to explore the swinging lifestyle. I thought at first he was joking but he is not. I am not comfortable with that. I have fantasized about other men and women, but thats all fantasy. I dont know exactly what to say to him right now. I am hurt and angry ! Men please give me the reason why men cant be happy with just one woman.Ladies dont hold back, tell me exactly how you would react to this situation.
2006-08-16 12:25:31 · 19 answers · asked by Sassy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Swinging is not for everyone. You must be absolutely confident in your relationship and your partner. My husband and I have been exploring the lifestyle for about 2 years now. We have taken it one step at a time with lots of communication. Whether we continue or decide to stop, we have had some interesting experiences and have met some wonderfull people (and a few, VERY few, not-so-wonderful). Talk with your husband. Tell him you are trying to be open minded, but you are having a hard time seeing his point of view. That your first reaction is hurt that you are not enough for him. Ask him if he is ready to see you with another man. That you don't know if you could handle seeing him with another woman. Even if you don't do anything with anyone else, sometimes the conversations can open up a whole new line of communication that you never had before. Try to control the anger and hurt. Sharing your feelings openly will do more than all the yelling in the world.
2006-08-16 12:43:23 · answer #1 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Some couples have long term swinging marriages. The idea seems a no loser. All the sex, any erotic dream realized, fun, without guilt. Golly, why doesn't EVERYBODY get smart, and screw like rabbits? Well it's because only "some" work. Many more just screw themselves up. Certainly, only a strong marriage could handle all the extra pressures swinging brings. And, by it's very nature, a strong marriage, has a good sex life, so it wouldn't need extra people. So, swinging usually means the couple is looking for something they think they aren't getting at home. Fine way to add pressures to a relationship. Fantancies are fine, but don't let harmless fantacies get confused with reality. You certainly shouldn't let hubby pressure you into this. END of discussion. Don't debate it, or justify your positition, just no. OK. Now that that's out of the way, think a bit. Married 8 years, and he's acting a little squirrilly. 40 isn't so far away now. He's not making $500,000 a year. He's got a car seat in his car. His waist is 4" bigger than at 21. The young guys at work figure he's one of the old guys. So, give him extra women. Leave him a note, to meet you at some club. When he show up, he gets lucky with a hot broad who picks him up. Costs you a wig, and a slutty outfit, and might be fun. Orrrr anything you think he might enjoy- and perhaps a few of your own. With imagination, he'll be seventy before he gets bored. Silly? Perhaps, but, IF you're not TOO hurt and angry, I'll bet it would work.
2006-08-16 22:39:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a lady who has been in a swinging lifestyle for many years. It was uncomfortable at first but it is great once you get out there. If it is something that you don't want to do then DON"T. But if it is something that you may want to try then make sure you have set rules. We always know who the other one is with and even though we don't want to hear details we do want to know if the other had a good time and if they want to go back with that one again. If one spouse doesn't feel comfortable with the person that the other spouse is with then it ends. Our marriage is more important than any play time could ever be.
2006-08-16 19:58:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have been into swinging for 7years. I was totally p*i*s*s*e*d the first time he brought it up and I felt like I wasn't being woman enough to keep him satisfied. I was wrong! What we both learned is that swinging is not about screwing everybody you meet, it's about giving to your partner. Chances are you hubby will find this out the hard way and often they decide that they don't wanna play anymore because you could be getting all the attention and not him. It's not a lifestyle for everybody but we enjoy it and it makes our sex life much hotter when we're together. If you really don't care to try it....... DON'T!
2006-08-16 19:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him how you feel.
Tell him what your threshold is, and what you are willing to do (go to a strip joint with him, Go to a nude beach, etc.). Tell him that's as far as you want to go right now.
If he cannot accept this, then it's his problem, not yours.
As far as why men are this way; I wish I could tell you. I am a man and have these fantasies from time to time, but I know they should remain that - just fantasies. I am mature enough to know the event and the feelings after will never live up to the fantasy.
My cool, wonderful, amazing wife did go with me to a strip joint recently which turned out to be a turn-on for both of us. Good harmless fun.
2006-08-16 20:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by mrpeabody 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you 2 happy? Is he just wanting to explore or is this an actual life style that wants to obtain forever???
My advice is you tell him exactly how you feel. Make it known that your not comfortable with that.
Do you have children? Think about them if you do.
I personally have been with my husband for 6 years and I am a strong minded woman I would tell him how I feel. We would come to some form of mutual agreement to have him overcome those desires or I would leave him.
He apparently has been thinking about it long enough to finally talk to you about it. How long do you think it would take for him to cheat if you don't conform to his new fantasy??
2006-08-16 19:34:00 · answer #6 · answered by Carrie P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa there, don't get all pissed off and angry. You said that you have had fantasies about being with both other men and woman. So why in the world would you get mad at him for talking to you about it. Men are problem solvers and action takers. So he is just bringing it up in an effort to take action and fulfill your fantasies. Just tell him that you are not comfortable doing it, and be grateful that he is open and caring enough to talk to you about it openly.
2006-08-16 19:43:10 · answer #7 · answered by Bryan A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should know exactly how you feel. He should take your feelings into consideration.....why would your own husband, knowing that you are hurt about it...still want to try a life style that you are not willing to explore.
If he still doesnt see your point & you decide not to go along with it, you will be living everyday in sadness & distrust, anytime he's late your imagination is just gonna go wild. Why live like that.
All or nothing & he's gotta learn that his wifey comes first....not random chicks!
2006-08-16 19:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by YAY Me! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first i would wonder if he thinks i am good enough, because if i was good enough, he wouldn't want anyone else. then i would confront him and tell him that. i would also say "i love you so much that i could never want anyone else simply because i am happy with just you, it hurts me to know that you would even THINK about swinging, what makes me know that you wont cheat on me?" girl, i am telling you now, if he is wanting to swing, he will do it with or without you. men seem to forget which head they are supposed to think with and if he asked you, he probably will go ahead and do it, or already has cheated. i would put my foot down and tell him no way. then of course i would never feel the same about him (not meaning i wont love him) because of the fact he wants someone else. i would also ask him what put that crap in his head.
2006-08-16 20:09:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
me and my hubby of 4yrs are into the swinging lifestyle.. it has actually helped us out believe it or not..
It keeps it fresh and different, but then you look forward to it just being the 2 of you for a night and sex is all the better..
Just remember he loves you.. he just wants to explore and broaden your marriage lifestyle.. nothing wrong with it exactly..
But as a hint.. if he wants to swing.. he can't do anything with anyone without you present and in the activities.. because then it's just plain out cheating... make sure you remind him of that if you decide to go for it.
Good Luck
2006-08-16 19:33:54 · answer #10 · answered by carebearashee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋