My parents HATE my fiancee...need serious advice?

Question

Okay, I am due to have my first child in less than 1 week. I've been living w/ my fiancee for over 3 years and my parents have hated him since day 1. They won't give me a reason why though. He and I were in a serious financial rut about a month and a half ago and thought it would be smarter for me to move back in w/ Mom and Dad for at least a couple of months for the baby and b/c of my health right now(I'm on bedrest) My parents have it in thier head that since I am living at home that I am not to have anything to do with him. They won't let him come over and freak out if I leave with him. My Dad won't talk to me for days after I have gone to the house that my man and I own. I'm tired of dealing with both sides. My fiancee is really trying to prove himself to them but is tired of having to go behind their backs to see me b/c of thier attitudes. I don't blame him and I really need him. Should I just tell my parents to deal with it or obey thier rules b/c they are helping me???

The main reason why I am staying here is b/c he had lost his job due to a physical injury he obtained while bull riding. So we really don't have money at all right now. My parents have bought everything that I will need for her and are really helping in out financially. I'm ready to move back home but know that he can't take care of her and I for a while. Its a hard situation and my parents are using his job loss as an excuse to why they hate him. He's taken care of me for a long time now, however I do need my parents now. I feel stuck. I am 22 years old and my parents treat me as if I am in high school. And yes, they have been this controlling my entire life. I miss him terribly but like I said we can't take care of all the necessities for our baby right now. How do I tell my parents to "butt out" w/o them deciding that they don't want to help me anymore? I feel so childish to be honest. I moved out at 17 b/c of how they act and now that I'm back it seems 100 times worse.

Answer 1

It looks like you don't have an open, understanding relationship with your parents. On one hand, you want them to help you out, so you are living with them, and left your fiancee and the home you two own. On the other hand, you want them to deal with it, and take in your fiancee without any questions! right! you can't have it both ways.

Here is what you should to. You want to know what is the problem! then go to the problem itself, or to what you believe the problems is! the silent treatment from your dad is a sign that there is much to be be discussed between you two. Soon you are going to be a mother, How are you going to communicate with your child, silent treatment, or go to strangers asking them why someone so close to you is behaving a certain way!

You have to set down with your parents and have a clear, honest conversation about how you are feeling, and ask them why! if it is the case they don't like your fiancee!

Since he is your fiancee! does that mean your are getting married! or is it better to say that since you are going to have his baby? if you are not going to get married! maybe that is why they don't like him. There kid is having a kid out of wedlock and will remain out of wedlock!

Answer 2

This is not a easy situation. You love your parents and your b/f. What you must remember right now is the mental health of you and your baby. This baby is feeling everything that you feel. Stress is not good. That baby needs both parents right now, and I dont know why the grandparents of the baby would be causing you so much grief. Tell your parents how you feel, going behind there backs is not a good idea. You and your b/f need to sit down and talk to them and help them to see your side of it. Then if all else fails you just need to move out and move on. In time they will come to be more understanding. Sometimes the birth of a baby brings a family closer together.

Answer 3

First, let me ask "How old are you"? Secondly, let me just say that there should be mutual consideration. Sounds to me like there is major communication issues. They evidentally love you or they wouldn't let you move back home. I'm sure they want the best for you but if you are committed, especially with a baby on the way, then you should hold a family meeting and openly discuss this to find out the best resolution for you, the baby, the babies daddy and the grandparents. Stand up to your parents, but in a respectful way, and tell them how you feel, what your decisions are and that they can support your decision and enjoy the time with you and the baby or you can walk away.

Answer 4

Well, I would have told you to ask your parents why they don't like him, but since they are not telling you, I guess that is out of the question. Sometimes, you just need to live your life. Some parents feel the need to control you no matter how old you are. (personal experience) They may think by acting this way, you'll choose them over your boyfriend. You have to let them know that you're an adult regardless if they're helping you or not and they need to respect that. You might have to cut off your relationship for a while with your parents, but they need to understand that you are an adult and you are entitle to make your decisions and mistakes.

Answer 5

AH! It is the old no one is good enough for my daughter. It makes no difference who you are with or who you are going to be with, trust me it will be the same thing. If you are old enough to have a home and old enough to have a baby and old enough to pick the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, why should it matter to you what ANYONE thinks?

I am not trying to be morbid but listen, one day mom and dad are going to be gone, and who is going to be left? The person they hated.

Turn on the news, The world is so full of hate, discord and down right evil, if in all of that you can find someone who knows you and loves you anyway, you my friend had better hang on to him tooth and nail. You have won the game and do not even realize it.

When your baby comes you may also be shocked to find out that little angel can change the narrow minds of others. If not so what. You have your family, teach your child to love unconditionally and you will be so far a head of the game it wont matter what they say think or do.

I know it hurts you not to have them in your life as you wish they would be, but they may be hurting as well. Pride is a monster that is hard to wrestle with.

Good luck to you baby. You do have all you need, you just cant see it right now.

Answer 6

If you own the house then why are you living with your folks? Sounds like they are putting unneeded stress on you and the baby. If they really cared, they'd trust your decision. Sounds like they can't let go of control of you and you moving home proved that this guy couldn't provide for you. He'll never win them over, you'll never convince them. You need to do what you need to do for your family and that is simply your fiancee and this baby. Get our of their house and trust that it will be okay. If you have to go on state help, it's better then the stress from home harming your child.

Good luck and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself...your a women now, not just their little girl. They can't control you anymore.

Answer 7

Sounds Like you parents are being unreasonable. Has he done anything to warrant such treatment?
Maybe your parents wanted "better" for you, and are having a hard time accepting that you're in love with, and having a child with someone who can't support you both.
I am a bit concerned if you're parents dislike him so much. Does he treat you badly? Is he rude to them?
Sit down and have a heart to heart with your parents. Tell them that he is the father of your child and that he is going to be a part of your life.
You need to find out why they don't like him, and address their concerns. If they continue to be unreasonable, and don't give you any reasons for their dislike of him, I say move out and spend some time away from them until they come around. You'd think they'd be happy the baby's father wants to be with you and his baby?

Answer 8

Don't give them an ultimatum. If your parents seem to have this much dislike towards the father of your unborn child, then there must be something there. It can't just be because someone is taking away their precious daughter, you know? Talk to them again and ask for specifics on what is wrong with your fiancé. Communicate with them about your feelings and try not to get too stressed about it because of your baby. Good luck.

Answer 9

You're parents don't sound accepting. Are they controlling? I'm sorry but they sound like it. A lot. I guess that I would tell them that you love him and if they can't accept it then it is their fault. Try to look deeping into your fiance, is there anything in the world that would make your parents not like him? If so, then you should talk to him about it. If not, then I suggest sitting down with you parents and try to have a calm discussion about him. Try not to get to mad because that never helps. If you parents still don't give you an answer or something like "we just don't like him", then like I said in the beginning, I sould tell them that you love him and they are going to have to deal with it. Hope is all works out. Good luck!

Answer 10

Tough one... he is the father of your baby, he should have every right to be involved with both of you. Regardless of how your parents feel about him, you are marrying him and carrying his child. You are a grown adult (I am assuming) and can make your own decisions. However, since you are living with your parents, you should respect their wishes (within reason). Maybe you should sit down with them and try to work something out. If it doesn't work, move back in with fiancee.