I have been married for 3 years. I had always told my hubby he was my first! and I was his! But he wasnt he was my 2sd. yeah I lied, but now he wont let it go he throws in my face that I am a liar and he can't believe anything I say or have said cause I lied to him for so long! I feel bad about it! I dont know how he found out! I didnt really like the guy in the first place and shouldnt have done anythikng with him! I can see how my hubby is angry, but how can I get him to stop talkin about it? and quit callin me a liar about everything else? not sure what to do! I feel awful and told him i am very sorry! The way he acts you would think i had cheated on him! (which I didnt)
any advice?
2006-08-16 11:35:58 · 22 answers · asked by boobear 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For some guys this is really important...being that you were his first, I can understand how he feels betrayed. In his mind, you might as well have cheated because you robbed him of being your first. That is what you claimed, and for some guys, that's a deal breaker. You also have to take into consideration that he found out, you didn't come clean with this. That was another blow...it makes him question what else you've hidden from him. Maybe he didn't want someone who's been with someone else. Maybe the idea of you comparing him to this other guy drives him nuts, maybe he knows this other guy...there could be a lot of maybe's. The only way to find out, is to ask him why it was so important to him to have him be your first. After that, you'll get a better understanding.
I also wouldn't press the issue about him calling you a liar. After all, you did lie...a major lie to him. Right now, he's not sure he can believe you...rightfully so, we'd all probably be the same way. Give him his space, be an open book to him and give him a reason to trust your word again.
2006-08-16 11:57:31 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there are always consequence to a lie, but now the truth is out and even though it seems in significate to you, your husband feels betrayed and feels like you if you lied about that you'll lie about anything. Sit down and talk to your hubby and tell him that you're sorry for lieing to him and that you are ready to move on with your lives and that the name calling has to stop, if he's unable to get over it then maybe, the relationship is not worth it.
2006-08-16 18:44:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess a lot depends on how long this has been going on. A few weeks maybe but after that he needs to let it go.
However, you may be able to bargain your way out if he won't let it go. Ask him what you can do to make things right. Tell him to think about it and decide. More then likely he will probably want something simple like acting out a fantasy with you.
Not only could this solve your problem, but could open a whole new level of your relationship.
2006-08-16 18:42:16 · answer #3 · answered by tm_tech32 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down and have a very serious talk.. You can't go on like this and if he continues it will ruin your marriage. Your past is your past.. he should let it go.. You shouldn't have lied to begin with but it wasn't any of his business what you did before you are married.
Now is what is the important part. Sit him down and ask him what he would like you to do.. and go from there. if he can't forget something you did before you were married then you really don't want to spend the rest of your life with him being called a liar about something that don't matter anyway..
I assume you were happy before he found this out..
talking is the only way to solve this one.
2006-08-16 18:44:47 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mrs. Nice gives Advice says:
It seems that you really do feel bad about the lie and that you really want to go forward from this point.
If I were in your shoes I would simply do this. The very next time he brings up the issue I would stop whatever I am doing, look him straight in the eyes and calmly say
"I did wrong by lying and I truely feel bad. I have apologized and whether you accept that apology or not is your choice. I AM GOING FORWARD with our lives from this point on and you can join me if you choose."
After that leave it alone. If he brings it up, DO NOT REACT. Do NOT acknowlege his ranting and raving. Just go forward with your life, never speaking of this again.
He'll see you are no longer reacting and he'll stop.
Sincerely,
Mrs Nice
2006-08-16 18:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs_Nice_Gives_Advice 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think trust is a very important factor in a relationship. I really don't understand why it's so hard for us as women to forgive our men, but when it comes to them doing the forgiving they never let us forget it; they always tend to throw it up in our faces. Sometimes when a man just makes us feel so bad for our mistakes I believe it's because they also have something to hide. I don't see why you should have to live the rest of your life regretting your mistakes, because we all make mistakes; it's how we learn. Mistakes build your characteristics, they make you a stronger individual. If God can forgive you, which he do, that's all that matters. Good Luck!
2006-08-16 18:48:49 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. Mary 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that you are sorry, but that just because you lied about him being your first does not make everything that comes out of your mouth a lie. Explain that you have always regreted losing your virginity that way and that you wish it had been with him. I think he is over reacting and need to grow up.
2006-08-16 18:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you regretted the first one and you love him and wanted him (hubby) to be the first. Tell him you felt dirty and ashamed that he was not your first and thought that if you didnt mention the first one, maybe you could pretend like it never happened.. Now, you won't be able to tell him anything if he makes you feel so horrible about something you regret. Oh yeah, and tell him he's a better lover . They like that crap. He probably won't stop calling you names. Isnt there anything in his past he regrets or is he MR. Perfect?
2006-08-16 18:44:11 · answer #8 · answered by supastaaaaaaaaa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh. You did. You LIED! So, what he thought was truth is a LIE!
He feels betrayed. How would you feel if you found out you were his 14th? 20th? and he told you at first that you were his second?
Come on!!! Men have feelings too! It's not that you're so bad, but you LIED!
Just say you're sorry and admit that you were WRONG. He'll get over it.
2006-08-16 18:42:27 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Saffire♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you did lie, but maybe he did too, maybe he's worried you might find out so he's trying to make a big deal about what you did to cover up. Just talk to him tell him your sorry that you feel bad but that its in the past and he needs to get over it. Talk it out.
2006-08-16 18:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by dimondbacks7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋