shouldn't live together anymore and kicked you out, would you still date her? I kicked my boyfriend out because he hasn't proposed in 3 years and I am no longer content with our stagnant relationship. He wanted to continue to live with me but not commit. Also, I've had many talks with him about my feelings. We went out to look at engagement rings 2 weeks ago, only for him to say, 1 week later, he did it because I pressured him! Who's right, here? Where do I go from here? Serious replies only. Thank you.
2006-08-16 11:18:55 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you want to be married you absolutely did the right thing. Pressuring someone in to marrying you is a dire mistake and wrong in every way, however moving on because you aren't getting what you want out of a relationship is absolutely the right thing to do. No I wouldn't continue dating him, you know its not going where you want to go. Thats like getting on the wrong bus and then being disappointed because it went the wrong direction. The sign on the front of this one says I'm Not Marrying You, that is where that ride will take you. Take a different bus!
2006-08-16 11:23:45 · answer #1 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing, I have a sister and I don't want any slacker beating around the bush either.
Even though they say the world is now a equal. It's not, guys may have up to a age (Maybe late 30's) where they then want to settle down and more often then not they don't have trouble meeting another lady.
But for women to do the same thing, it is much harder for them to find the right partner at that age. Sure it's okay to live together and not get married if and only if both parties agree to it and understand.
But if one person wants to commit and the other feels pressuried then they are not ready to commit. And this is basically a fork in the road where you both must make your decision. Some people grow apart like what you may have just described.
Maybe one or two years is fine.... three is touching it.... (but is okay if finances is a problem) .... but once you are in that point of the relationship of being together for a long while... there must be a commitment process.
Normally if a woman wants to be with a man, a commitment will be on the table further down the line unless they both understand that it's just dating but when it turns serious it will most likely turn into a marriage down the line or what choice pleases you. Some guys are oblivious to this and just needs a wake up call.
Talk to him to see if his serious, if he just wants to date longer thats his choice... but if you can't wait for his commitment then you can't wait.
It's just indifferences and you have to do what you need to do.
Even if that means leaving him for someone willing to settle down. No ones getting any younger.
2006-08-16 11:36:10 · answer #2 · answered by swma76 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok honestly this guy is just not into you seriously the only reason i think he wants to stay with you is because he feels eighter an obligation, is afraid to be alone, or for someother stupid reason, in situations like this a girl always ask why why no marry me dont you love me enough and the answer is no why he may love you but he is not inlove with you the way he use to when you to just first met my advis e is cut him lose, go out, dont commit at least not yet, get out into the dating scene for a while and maybe after he sees you dating he'll realize what he's been missing maybe you'll get back together maybe.
Now from a guy's point of view, I think that your just convenient and he gets free sex. If he really cares for you and after seeing you dating other guys, he just might realize he lost someone special. Does he take you out or are you just at home watching movies? That's a good indicator of your relationship being stale and stagnant. You really should consider moving on after 3 years.
2006-08-16 11:37:00 · answer #3 · answered by lyssette m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pressuring someone isn't really a good thing. Although, he should be proposing by now. I think there are many things to consider also. Maybe he is planning on a new career or maybe there's something that he needs to do before committing fully. There's also a chance that your boyfriend do not believe in marriage. There are many people who thinks marriage is overrated or just a paper you sign infront of a priest or judge. I was in the same situation as you a year ago. My husband and I are very much in-love with each other. We lived together for 2 years. I have been constantly asking him about marriage but he insist on not doing it because he thinks marriage is just a piece of paper. He also said it will never change our relationship. We finally decided last year to get married, although he still believes that. Anyways, if I was in your situation, I would not date him anymore, maybe you love him, but if he isn't giving you what you want like the marriage thing, or fully committing to your relationship, then maybe he's not for you.
2006-08-16 11:28:48 · answer #4 · answered by o0_gandayan_0o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that he did only do it because you pressured him. He obviousy doesn't want to marry you right now. He may never be ready. So thing is you have to decide how important this is to you- you don't want a marriage based off a fight/pressure. So, if you are fed up with this enough to kick him out of the house, I would say kick him out of your life.
Sex and the City described a guy proposing like a taxi cab. When the light goes on, the next girl that gets in gets the ring (this granted she's not crazy or horrible)- if everything in your relationship is fine than his light just isn't on, so you have to just weigh your want to get married with your want for him in your life.
2006-08-16 11:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by HE'S NOT INTO ME 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know you said guys only, but I felt like I had to say something. You cannot keep a man that doesn't want to be kept. I don't know whether you get that or not...if a man doesn't want to be in a relationship, you can't successfully hold them there (meaning: he'll probably stay, but he won't be a good partner...he may cheat, or not work, or not pay bills, or not be honest with you, etc.).
Never accept a marriage proposal from a man under duress. It's not a genuine proposal, and it won't do either of you any good. Some men don't know how to voice this, but this is really how it will be. Do you want a genuine partner who really loves you or an imaginary husband who is just appeasing you?
2006-08-16 11:36:18 · answer #6 · answered by Dee M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you pressure a man into marrying you before he's ready, it will more than likely end in divorce anyway. Three years is nothing. Some people live together or date over a decade before a proposal. Living together is a commitment in itself. If he's not ready to marry, he's not ready and there isn't really anything you can do to make him get there faster. So, either wait, because you love him or let him go.
2006-08-16 11:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by jenny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for being so strong. You did the right thing. As far as dating him, I would avise not to. What is the point? He has made it clear that he does not want to get married. I say move on with your life. If after some time without you he shows up with a ring and a changed heart, maybe give it some thought. If not, then so be it, better to find out now than to waste another 3 years waiting for him.
2006-08-16 11:38:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should take a break from each other and date other people. If you guys end up back together then it was meant to be. You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do and if you did you would hate life with this person b/c they would be unhappy. A break from each other will tell the truth rather or not you are meant to be. If they miss you enough.....they will have time to think about life without you and may decide to get hitched after all. If not then move on.
2006-08-16 11:25:52 · answer #9 · answered by Dominika 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
baby some guys are afraid to commit. I have a son the same way. He is on the 30 year plan. His gf and him will live together for 30 years before they get married. They have been together for 4 years now. The question both pardners need to ask is, "Do I really love you?" Don't fight about it, but talk about it with each other. Take time to think about what life will be like once you have gone your separate ways. The biggest thing is, don't fight about it, talk about it. good luck
2006-08-16 11:29:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋