Baby Mama help please!!!?

Question

I moved 400 miles from my girlfriend for school. I met this girl out here and started talking to her. I broke up with my girl back home and a few days later this new girl and I started dating. My ex is pregnant with my child. She says that she will not let me be a part of this baby's life unless I break up with my new girlfriend and get things straightened out with her first or she will raise the child on her own and not put my name on the birth certificate. She doesn't want to send our baby 400 miles to a father that he will really not know and my girlfriend that she doesn't know or trust. What do I do?

She has always said that she would take care of her responsibilities. When we were together and made this baby (we were happy), that was before I met my new girlfriend. She has already stated that she doesn't want child support. I am sure this baby is mine.

She stated that once this baby is older and if it wants to find me, she won't stop him. She has a 2yr old nephew with a dad that lives 20 miles away and never sees his kid except maybe once a month and she can't stand to see him cry whenever his dad comes over. She isn't asking me to marry her just to try to work things out.

Answer 1

Legally you can fight this once the baby is born. Ex sounds controlling and ridiculous. Who is she to say who you date and why would someone interested in mothering a child willfully keep the child from knowing their father? What a piece of work!

Answer 2

I wouldn't either. You knocked the girl up then dumped her for some other girl, how did you think she should react? She can only keep you from seeing him to a certain extent, but she can make it difficult and expensive for you to do it. She can certainly choose not to put you on the birth certificate if she wants to. She can also prevent you from taking her child so far away, its really the only responsible thing to do. That would be a terrifying situation for a child. I guess if you want to see him you are going to have to make the trip back to do it. If she doesn't ask for support you will really have to get a lawyer and fight for visitation if she doesn't want to give it to you. There is no way I'd allow my child to be sent 400 miles from home or anyone I know and trust to be cared for by your gf that I never met, wouldn't happen no matter what I had to do to prevent it. Its irresponsible parenting on her part and if she just dumped the kid with some stranger it would be considered a criminal action.

You want to be treated and respected as a father when your actions are not respectable or fatherly. From 400 miles away you can't be any kind of parent anyway, at best you can be some stranger that visits here and there so leave her alone. Let her find a guy that is willing to actually be there for the kid and is not more concerned about his new gf than he is about his child.

Answer 3

Assuming that you want to be a man about this whole thing...that being said

She CAN NOT stop you from seeing YOUR child! File a petition in Family Court requesting to be adjudicated the child's father. Once that is done your name will automatically be added to the birth certificate. Also request visitation....unless you are deemed unfit for some reason you will be able to see your child. You will pay child support (in New York State it's 17% of your gross income...ck to see what it is where you live) But I'm sure you would want to do more!

Once visitation is established it will be your financial responsibility to pick up the child and take him or her to your home where ever that may be...I can understand her being worried about trusting her child with a woman she does not know but she's gotta get over it. You must be a pretty cool dude for her to want you so badly..trustworthy, responsible, caring...so you OBVIOUSLY would not have a woman around your child that will endanger her in any way...RIGHT????

No woman has a right to use her child to hold a man...she is an idiot if she thinks it will work! Don't fall for it!

Answer 4

It sounds like you want to be a part of this childs life. A few questions first,...Did you know she was pregnant when you broke up with her? If so, the time to step up and begin being a father is now. I am not saying you have to be with the mother and not your new girlfriend, but you need to put the needs of this child before the needs of yourself. Make every effort to be there with her for all the major dr.'s appts,.. and for sure be there for the birth of your child. If you are, it is not her decision whether to put your name on the birth certificate or not. 400 miles is a long way, but remind her that you will be better able to support your child if you have a college education. There are alot of Fathers Rights groups out there that can help you, but you'd better start preparing yourself now for going to court and doing what is best for this baby. Having a strong father figure in his or her life is very important. As far as your new girlfriend goes, tell her she can stand beside you and support you through this or she can kick rocks. You are going to be a father now, and now is when you have to begin putting this child first in your life,...for the rest of your life. Good Luck!

Answer 5

First, stop having these ridiculous arguements with your ex and wait til the baby is born. She is upset and emotional and has all these hormones running through her body. Your not gonna get anywhere. she probably believes her reasons are valid. She's angry for good reason.. Your about to be a father. Act like an adult.

Second, once the baby is born, petition the courts to get a court ordered paternity test. If you are determined to be the father, you have to sign the birth cert (ie she cant just put your name on the birth cert since your not married you have to sign it) once paternity is established start paying child support (determined by courts - if you dont have a job get one babies are expensive!!) and have custody papers drawen up by the courts.

Fourth, of course she wont send your baby 400 miles away, you need to make the effort to visit the child and keep in contact. When the baby is small send toys, clothes, ask for pics. Make it to your childs first birthday party. When the child is like 2 start calling on a regular basis like once a week (have a pre determined day that you ALWAYS call on).

Having a long distance relationship with a child is hard but its up to you to make it work. Your child wont be getting on a plane and visiting you for a long time... your the one that moved...make it work!!!

Reality Check: You live 400 miles away. Chance are your ex will meet someone else who be a father figure in his/her life. Accept that but dont give up on your own relationship with your child. If it means moving back to be closer to him/her after school than do it.





NOTE: If you guys live in two different states it will be more difficult dealing with the courts.. call your local courthouse you may have to petition the courts in the area where she lives

Answer 6

The only thing I don't understand is that how can one girl make you not like another.... when you knew she was pregnant... that is besides the point.... I don't find it right at all for someone to keep a child away from their father... lord knows I wish my baby's father was there... It is just something you will have to work out together... can you really blame her for what she is saying though... it takes two to make a child and it always ends up being one raising it... how would you of felt if your dad let you grow up 400 miles away and hardly ever got to see him because of another female that probaly won't be there for too much longer. Your child is your responsibility... My son is mine and I would give the world up for him... even if it meant leaving my partner to be with his father... that's how it is supposed to be... You do not want to be there without your kid... maybe try to move you and your g/friend closer than 400 miles... she only wants you to be there for your child....

Answer 7

sounds like she is trying to hang on to you by any means necessary! because if it's over and you want 2 be a part of your childs life why wouldn't she let you? that goes to show you she has other motives! I was a single mom that played a game or 2 and it was only because i didn't want to see him with anyone else! she will only hurt this child in the end! but i will say this as time goes on and she finds out that parenting isn't easy and that it will come a time when SHE WILL NEED A BREAK. and that the child will need a father figure sooner or later she will change her MIND! then ask her this question if and when she decides to move onto another relationship, you are going to have to trust her judgement with the man she will choose to have your child around! so see the door swings both ways on this. It's not about the child it's about you! and her not wanting to let go.

Answer 8

Hey that is wrong of her to use the kid as a means to work things out. However, whatever it may take other than that if that's not wat u want then u should do. I mean u have rights too! The right thing to do would be to take her to court for paternity and get the child support order along with visitation right put on paper then she can never use that against u. I say this because if u let her dictate how u will be a part of the child's life then the child will resent u in the long run for not trying to be in his life whether or not u r with his mother.

Answer 9

If she really is pregnant, then the baby won't be due till around the end of school. You have several months to work with her on resolving this. Tell her coming home to talk face to face when the baby is born will be best for making final decisions.

Maybe college in a town closer to her won't be bad till your child is older. Sending a baby to you is crazy, so no matter what the courts say, logistics will play the biggest factor.

Unless you get engaged to this other girl soon, she should not even be a consideration in decisions. Where and when you choose to be a part of that child's life combined with forging out your future is what you need to worry about.

Answer 10

First off - do you know if you are the father of this child?

Take her to court and file for joint custody when the child is born.. You'll have to go through a DNA test and whatnot to prove you're the father if she doesn't put your name on the birth certificate.

If she doesn't, then you won't have to worry about child support payments and whatnot.

You, however, can make yourself a part of a child's life even if you are 400 miles away. My sister and brother in law divorced when my nephew was 9 months old and he has a great relationship with his father (Nephew lives in Arkansas - his dad lives in Washington State).

It's just up to you... just consider what you're getting into because of this whole situation. If you don't love the person that you inpregnated, then don't go running back and make your life miserable because of it. There are more options and she cannot "control" your life just because of a baby.

Answer 11

Just because she doesn't put your name on the birth certificate doesn't mean your aren't the father. If you want to be able to see your baby and she refuses get a lawyer. Make her. As a parent you have legal rights and that piece of paper doesn't determine them. You don't have to do anything other than provide for your child and it might not be a bad idea to pay her child support anyway. so that way you know your child is taken care of. if she doesn't want it she can put it in a savings. also find out what you state laws are about child support...who's to say that 5 years down the road she decides she wants money and the law may say if she can prove you are the father you will have to pay 5 years......who knows laws can be crazy.