one of my best friends found out her husband was cheating on her again..hes in the army and she needs emotional support...how do i talk to her with out offending her
2006-08-16 10:45:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She doesn't need support, she needs psychiatric help. Wanting your marriage to last is great, but refusing to face the fact that her husband is likely to give her some disease- that could end up killing her, is stupid. She owes it to herself to protect herself against sex that might kill her. That means divorce. Or Russian Roulette.
2006-08-16 11:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You help her deal with the reality of the situation and let her know she will be ok. Here is some stuff that might help he figure out what to do.
First she needs to determine whether or not getting over it is something she should do. I saw 7 things that can help her determine this:
Is it an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior? (including past relationships, even if its the first time he cheated on you has he cheated on other gf's) You said again so she knows the answer to this one.
Does he own it (take full blame) or does he make excuses for why it happened?
Does he REALLY grasp the damage he's done to her and the relationship or does he just pay it lip service?
Is he sorry for the choice he made or sorry that he got caught?
Is he willing to do what it takes to clean up the mess he made, whatever it takes and however long it takes? or does he want to deny it and move on?
Is it out of character for him or is he insenstive about other things too? (respects her feelings, treats her with dignity, etc)
Is it a legacy or a new behavior? did he grow up in a family where this happened? if its what he learned thats a big clue.
Once she has gone through these and IF she determines that the answers all favor a successful relationship (which they don't) then you take it one day a at a time, if its a history or a pattern she should leave and realize that it is the idea of the relationship that she 'loves' and not the reality, surely she doesn't define being loved as someone that devestates her emotionally and doesn't care that he did. She has a lot of thinking to do, but let her know it WILL get better and she will be ok provided that she starts sticking up for herself!
2006-08-16 17:54:08 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know you just need to be honest with her. let her talk-you listen (w/o butting in). then when she says she doesn't know what to do =you give your advice. Tell her that you love her as a friend and you don't want her hurt and that she needs to look at the situation realistically and that if you were in her position you would want her to be honest with you. It sounds like the hubby has done this before-shame on him. She forgave once the second time is a whole new ballpark!
2006-08-16 17:53:39 · answer #3 · answered by haleydwh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the truth hurts and needs to be told. How could anything you say offend her? She could be offended at first by what you are saying but you have planted a seed and over time she will think about what you have said to her and realize what you have to say will make sense.
2006-08-16 17:52:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be supportive, but do not agree with her that her husband is a bad guy. Be supportive of her, but do not agree that she should get a divorce...in fact, offer NO suggestions of any kind...a simple, "I don't know what to tell you " will do.. If you stick your nose into it, trust me, you will end up the bad guy. Good luck
2006-08-16 17:51:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheating on her again and she still with the guy...she needs more then emotional support. she need a new guy...and she need a good friend...to be there for her..is a lot of tears and heartache but with good friend beside her she can make it
2006-08-16 17:52:11 · answer #6 · answered by Sexy C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her. You can be both supportive and honest at the same time. She really probably doesn't need your sympathy but would appreciate your empathy and honesty with her. Best of luck.
2006-08-16 17:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only thing you can do is be there for her , listen to her, and don't judge . Good luck....
2006-08-16 17:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by cslynn1980 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just listen to her, don't offer advice just listen. That is if she is willing to talk to you about it.
2006-08-16 17:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by omvg1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there and listen, don't judge
2006-08-16 17:58:05 · answer #10 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋