I don't want custody. Let him and the honey raise the 2 kids. Bad?

Question

I will be the party parent, lots of activities every other weekend when I have them. Lots of plays, playing, games, parties, fun, music.
Ok, let me have it. I am building a tough skin for the world before I actually file this answer to his custody petition ( he wants split custody. I have no interest in that.).

He makes 400k per year. I make 70k No judge is going to make me pay child support.

I will have them EVERY OTHER thursday until Saturday night. He will have them all other times.

I wonder whether people would say this to him? If he cares so much, why is he trying to force me to split custody?

Answer 1

Don't be such a lazy parent. Is this what you really want? Or are you just doing this to avoid total responsibility? Sure, you can be that parent that only sees them on weekends and holidays, the one who spoils them, takes them everywhere. But when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they won't be very close to you. You won't get to tuck them in bed every night, scare monsters away for them.
My ex-husband has the same responsibility that you are thinking about. And you know what? My son doesn't enjoy going over there very much b/c he lives with me most of the time. He can't wait to come back home to me and my family.
You are their mother! Stop being so fu ckin lazy and deal with your motherly responsibilities!

Answer 2

If you honestly do not want custody - then do not accept it. Give your husband total custody. It would be much better for the kids. Of course - you will have very few rights - if any when it comes to the children.
From the tone of your question - a third party must be involved. Hey - kids are real human beings - they get hurt really easily. They are not a "weapon" to get even with your ex. They are your children.
Let go of the anger and hurt that is inside of you for a little while. Then - maybe you will see things in a different light. You don't want split custody? Then work out a compromise.
First and for most - think of the children and a stable environment for them.

Answer 3

I can understand not having the money to keep them all the time, but to say that you only want to spend time with them for special occasions is slightly selfish. My parents are not together and my mother and father split custody but after a couple of years and the fact that it wasn't required by the court he stopped coming over so frequently. I'm in college now and I really don't feel like I have a really great relationship with my father. So do the right thing and see them all the time not just for parties and plays and carings on. Otherwise when you're children are my age they will resent you for not being there when it wasn't so festive.

Answer 4

Your honesty will help the situation greatly. Your kids still need you in their lives so make sure you take care of that part. He can't force you into split custody. Do know you will pay child support. Split custody can be a real P.I.T.A. and I often feel one person making the decisions to avoid arguments between the split parents is the way to go, especially when you can agree on nothing.

Answer 5

Well, gee - from what you say your aren't going to be the fun 'party' parent if you are only going to have them every other Thursday until Saturday. Even if they aren't school age yet, they will be, and you already said you have a job. What sorts of party-hearty stuff will you be doing with them on Thursdays and Fridays with that kind of schedule?

I wonder if your lack of desire to have your kids has something to do with 'the honey'. I also wonder if 'the honey' has something to do with the fact that you are the sort of person who could even come up with a scenario like you not wanting the kids. Considering your remark about what he makes vs. what you make and the impossibility of the courts to make you pay support - dream on!!! You have kids, you help pay for them, period. There might be some sort of balancing out with any potential spousal support where you don't have to pay child support directly, rather get it taken out of your expected spousal support.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when you say he 'only' wants split custody. Most Dads only dream of having that much time with their kids after a divorce. Possibly he's just going for as much as he dare hopes for, or he could have the children's best interest in mind as custody battles, preventing visitations, and an equal amount of parenting time from each parent is considered the optimum way for the children's sakes. If you think he's going to be horrified and upset because you don't want split custody, don't count on feeling like you've stuck it to your ex.

It sounds like your primary motive is avoiding responsibility for your children, not having to financially contribute, and to use as some sort of pawn in what is the exact opposite of the usual custody battles. This is the first time I've heard about anybody fighting to NOT have custody.

The fact that you can even come up with this idea shows that you already have tough skin. I wonder if we're just a test to see how normal people would react to such a statement. I also wonder if this isn't a bunch of crap that has nothing to do with reality, instead being some idiot grad student gathering information for some sort of thesis on general views on custody issues by gender.

If this is reality, I sincerely hope that he does get sole custody, 'the honey' is a decent and loving woman, you get hit financially, and that you discover that the reality of being the party parent isn't as fun as you think. I don't even have to hope that your kids will eventually figure out what kind of person you are because they WILL figure it out, and probably sooner than you think.

In the end, the kids may have some fun with you, but as they get older they're going to be a heckava lot more grateful for their father.

You should think about getting a hysterectomy so you don't inadvertantly end up with more kids of convenience. I'm probably not alone in feeling nothing but disgust at your question.

Answer 6

I say let him have full custody and you maybe get just occasional visits. Being a party Mom teaches the kids nothing, so you really won't be important in there lives. They can have fun and play games without you. They will have friends for that. I think you want to be a "party animal" not the "party parent"...am I right? You probably don't want split custody because you will have to have the responibility of being a mother. Do the kids a favor, let their father have them and you go PARTY, PARTY, PARTY...
(Are we jealous of Honey??

Answer 7

You know, it's funny you say that. When my ex-wife and I first split, she had the kids and when I wasn't working, which was 3-4 days a week because I worked a rotating 12 hour shift, if I didn't have those kids EVERYDAY I was off, she was all over my case. Calling me a bad father, whatever. Then the kids wanted to come and live with me, and so now I'm the custodial parent. It's actually EASIER for me, because at least I know I have EVERY other weekend to do what I please. She takes them Fri night to sun night every other weekend. That's about it. Haven't said one word to her about it in almost a year of custody.

Answer 8

Those are your kids how can you say something like that. I fought long and hard to have my 3yr old daughter live with me and it is the best thing I could have ever asked for. You need to think about what is more important. Partying verses your children. Are you really willing to give up all that time you could be spending with your kids to only having them for 2 days a week. Man that pisses me off. Not to be mean but grow up and think of what is more important. Make the right choice. I agree with the father of you children. You ought to do split custody if you care about your children at all. They need their mom. And for your information the judge will make you pay childsupport it doesnt matter how much you make a year. You will be expected to support your children. Other than that sign off your rights. Grrrrrr.

Answer 9

I understand your tongue in cheek expression of the woes of single parenthood, but it doesnt have to be that way.
Unless your just really selfish and dont want kids at all, and I hope this isnt the case, there is a happy medium.
Who says the kids have to stay with one parent the majority of the time. The courts only have standard visitation for parents who are being assholes instead of parents.
Your kids need both of your time equally. If you dont do the best for them now, you'll pay for it later. If they see one parent significantly less than the other parent they will have emotiional distress, that could lead to teen pregnancy, drugs or living with you until they are 30.
You'll have time for those party days, it'll just have to wait until your kids are grown. Enjoy their youth, it will be gone before you know it.
I would enjoy the split custody, It's better for everyone involved.

Answer 10

so what you are saying is that if you can't have it all your way then you want to give up??? You did not get pregnant by yourself and raise those kids by yourself so why should you have sole custody? No matter what happened between you and him happened between you and him don't PUNISH the kids. Most states do not give sole custody to one parent anymore. Just remember as your children grow up they will have less and less time for you and more time for their friends and the parent that was there for them the most. So in the long run you go party and have fun now because in a couple years you will be lonely and your kids will want nothing to do with you. Please rethink your decision.

Answer 11

Umm... you chose to have children, it isn't about you anymore, it's about them. Once you have children, life changes. They depend on you.

Children need their mothers. If the husband is offering split custody and it is out of love for the kids and not revenge and spite you are pretty lucky.

Divorce is tough, but if both parents let the kids know that they love them and don't use the kids to get at each other and spend time with the children, they will adjust pretty well in a shorter amount of time.

Your kids need you!