hey what do u think of this poem?

Question

DEATH

i can feel the stark eyes of death,
on me,from above and underneath,
smell its stinking guttural breath,
stalking me with calculated stealth.

its black eyes so dark and cruel,
challenge me to stand and duel,
its voice,full of unadulterated cruel,
fill me with the sheer dread of its arrival.

for miles i have run out of fear,
but it grows ever swifter and nearer,
and my legs have begun to tire,
so,i slowly turn to face the fire...

its pupils,dark and bloody red,
blaring like beacons,fill me with dread,
my brain tells me that im surely dead,
but my heart urges me to forge ahead.

so,though my stomachs filled with lead,
i turn round to face the beast instead,
"you cant take me,sucker!!" i said,
its bloody mouth parts slowly"you are dead";

for two long hours we battle,
axes break,grimy spears rattle,
the clash of spears,the sound of metal,
filled the bloody air,until,

i,filled with courage out of the blue,
put my middle up,said,"**** you!!!"
and at him,with great wrath flew,
and attacked,from where he never knew,
so,i,with weapons though a few,
armed with pride and a heart so true
gave the beast all it was due,
until its body,bloody and grotesque,
faded into the night,so i won through,



so i lived,if only to die another day,
but die without a fight,no way!!!

Answer 1

Very dark and intense, but quite profound. It has a sort of gothic feel to it. Pretty good if you've wrote that yourself.

Answer 2

If you could only make it scan
your poem would be good young man
but when the rhyme is quite this bad
it isn't good......... its really sad

so hear the words inside your head
you ll understand then what Ive said
its not as easy as they say
but I think you will find the way...

A poem then will slowly form
you ll maybe work from dusk to dawn
its all a matter of pace and timing...
but nothing then will stop you rhyming..!!

Answer 3

Your poem is a dark vision of someone fighting for their life. I enjoyed reading it. Sometimes in life there are those that really have a battle with life and death. And to me this poem is a true picture of that. Job well done!

Answer 4

Its full of description. Are you about 13/14?

Answer 5

Good effort, too heavy with the purple phrasing, though

Answer 6

I don't like poems.. specially the long ones ... get board reading them......this one was okay.. coming from me it must be pretty
good

Answer 7

good job!
but consider changing the second verse third line...try changing cruel to another word cuz u had arleady said "cruel" in the first line

Answer 8

Did you write this? go to the top of the class

Answer 9

It's not too long.
It's good, 'Do not go gently....' for the 21st century.
Think about putting it on http://www.writerstoyou.com/
Write more

Answer 10

i really wanted 2 read it but it's so long so i didn't..sorry