Am I just being overly sensitive?

Question

Okay..first of all let me say that I know this isn't a huge issue..not even close, but I am just curious to know if this seems overly sensitive, or if this would bother some of you? I ask my husband almost everyday how he is or how work was...( I am a homemaker..was stay at home mom for years). He answers me, but RARELY asks me how my day was or how I am doing. It makes me want to quit asking, but I just feel it is the nice and proper thing to do. So, tell me friends..am I being overly sensitive and would you continue to ask if he doesn't even ask you how you are? By the way, I have mentioned this to him before...I have said things, like..yeah I am fine too, thanks for asking, lol...but only on very rare occasions when it just really gets to me. I try not to rock the boat much around here...anyhow, my point is that it isn't like he doesn't know it bothers me...just forgets I guess. Thanks everyone for your input.

Thanks everyone for your input...you have all been very helpful. To the person who referred to me as childish...I am anything but childish..I am trying to be mature and handle this in a mature way....I think that comment was uncalled for. Thanks everyone else.

Answer 1

If it happened once then you would be over sensitive. But its consistent so yes it would definitely bother me. I think I would rock the boat about it much more than you do. He's being rude and inconsiderate. Yes I would quit asking him, at least for a while, one of these days he'll come home and have a situation he wants to talk about and when you don't give him the chance he'll say hmmmmm whats up with that? Since you enjoy asking and you are right to do so, I would probably do the yeah i'm fine too, thanks for asking thing EVERY time he didn't ask how his wife and kids are. Eventually he would catch on and learn to ask, now actually listening to your answer is a whole other issue. He continues to be unconcerned because you don't rock the boat so for him he can be ignorant like that and still have nice, smooth sailing so why should he put the effort in to do otherwise?

Answer 2

It is a big issue

Same thing happened to me, every day I came home from work and ask my gf how she was doing and how her day was. She would talk for an hour or more (even when I was extremely exhausted from work) and then never ask me how my day way. This was a problem, she vented all her frustrations to me but I never got the same opportunites which lead to arguments, fights, etc.

Anyway, I felt horrible, that she never wanted to know about me, that she didn't care enough (I was sick for 5 weeks straight and she never cared to ask me about it) So I became more and more frustrated and aggitated.

We ended up breaking up. That's not what I wanted

Relationships are about trust and communication. If you don't have that then it's not suistainable

It needs to change, I would suggest that you do it as quickly as possible, you are NOT rocking the boat. This is your relationship as well. It's not just about him.

He needs to do more to communicate with you and I would suggest that you also branch out, make sure you have friends you can go out with and talk with.

Good relationships are hard to find and you must both work at it to keep it, however sometimes in a relationship people get confortable and yes perhaps a little lazy. Spice it up every once and a while, make him remember the beginning of the relationship.

Good luck to you and if you feel that your relationship is worth it, then by all means fight for it and make sure your husband fights for it as well.

Answer 3

I don't think you're overly sensistive, you are showing an interest and frustrated that it isn't returned. The next question already in your head is 'Does he even care?'

It is easy for men to become insensitive. We're out there 'winning the daily bread' and forget how hard and frustrating the homemaker's job is. We come to think - arrogantly - that it's all about us.

You are careful not to turn into 'the nagging wife'. That is good, but in the long run it will only frustrate you more and you may eventually become just that. He probably thinks nothing exciting happens in your day. I'm sure he's wrong, but either way, make sure your days are brimming with fulfilling activity. You owe it to yourself. Show him that you have a life outside him, that he is important to you but not necessarily the center of your existence. Once he becomes aware of that, I guarantee you he will a pay a lot more attention to you.

Answer 4

I don't think you are being overly sensitive, I think he is just taking for granted that since you stay home that your day just must be fine all the time and why should he bother to ask. I stayed home when my children were babies and work from home during the summers now and my husband always asks how my day was as well as calls me a few times a day to see how things are going and also sends text messages to tell me he loves me. we have been married for 10 years and he has always been thoughtful like this. I think a lot of marriages fall apart due to people taking each other for granted.

Answer 5

It may not be a huge issue, but it is important enough for you to put it out there because it bothers you. It seems like you are looking for validation. Your job is equally important but he does not acknowledge this by asking you how your day went. I don't think you're being overly sensitive, you are human. As I see it you have a few choices....

1. continue asking same question because it's "Proper thing to do" (resentment will increase)

2. confront him...tell him how you feel without joking or use of sarcasm

3. Let it go

Answer 6

It could just be that he is not the kind of guy that asks that. I rarely ask my wife that, because she does the same thing at her job everyday. She doesn't ask me that often and it is fine. Actually often when she does ask I don't have much to say.

It sounds like you are asking him with the expectation that he should as well. This will only bring frustration. If you want to tell him how your day was tell him. Wishing he would is trying to change him, which never works.

Answer 7

I am a sensitive person. That too would upset me.... you love him and you are genuinly courtious and respectful out of love asking him and letting him know that you care how his days go... I would quit asking him, because he has shown that he isn't going to ask you the same much more then he has or is....... and you shouldn't go on getting your feelings hurt like this........ maybe he will notice that you quit asking and maybe he won't, but at least you wouldn't feel so uncared about and taken for granted anymore. I wouldn't ask anymore how his day is, instead I would jump right into how my day went and if he wants to talk about his day....... then I would listen. I think that would make you feel better, it does me....... I went through the same thing not long ago and got tired of having my feelings hurt when I didn't get asked about my day....... I work too. So now I just jump in about my day and if he says or talks about his day I listen and say 'thats good' or if its bad I just say 'oh honey, I am so sorry to hear that....... that sucks' and I go on into other things........ unless he persists about a bad day and then I fall into a real conversation with him about it......... But I don't ask him anymore how his day is..... I think you should stop too.......... blessed be.........

Answer 8

Well I would say that you want what every other woman wants. You want to be listened to. Some guys aren't great listeners. Actually alot of them aren't. And I probably fall into that category. And I am OK with that. I am not the worst listener, but I am far from the best. It just isn't in our genetic makeup. Most women would rather have a guy listen to them intently for hours rather than have sex. I think they get off more on having someone listen to them. Seriously. They value emotional needs over physical ones. But guys just aren't like that. Some guys are but they have to work very hard at it for years. Doesn't come naturally. But it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you. It doesn't mean that at all.

Answer 9

i don't think it's overly sensitive.
overly sensitive would be wanting to see a counselor or get a divorce b/c of this!

you have every right to be a little upset over this. if i were in your shoes it would make me feel that he didn't think i did anything all day to merit asking about.
i mean, "hi" he isn't superman going around saving people all day...now, that would be something to ask about!

instead of joking about it, which didn't seem to really work.....just simply tell him that it makes you feel unimportant.
tell him that you ask him b/c you care about him and how his day was, even if he ensues with some boring story, you are interested b/c you love him and it's about HIS life.
however, he doesn't ask you and therefore, it makes you feel a little unimportant.

if he really cares he will take this and start getting interested. he needs to understand that just b/c you don't work doesn't mean you don't contribute to the family!

take care.

p.s. "brian m" has a really good point too! don't ask him about his day expecting him to ask you. tell him about your day and let him tell you about his. sometimes my husband and i ask each other and sometimes we just dive right in....like "guess what happened today!"

Answer 10

I have been with my husband for almost seven years now and he calls me at his morning break, his lunch hour, his evening break and when he leaves work. I ask him how he is doing and he ask the same of me. When we get home, we talk more about our day. I am not a stay at home mom, but I would be upset. It's like he doesn't care how your day is. Is he happy? Do you talk about other things? He may be miserable or he may be just a jerk like normal men are. He may have someone on the side. I don't want to get you paranoid, but I would look into that. Good luck.