My newlywed husband had a history of a gambling problem. We've been together for 6 years total. Hes been working at a casino for 6 years too. My electric went out and all the bills i found hidden (and yellow-past due) under the couch. hes been keeping them from me. I give him $1000 a month in bills. if he hasnt been paying all of our bills, hes been gambling. I confromted him about it and hes like,"There must have been some mistake." Obviously, hes lieing. He wont admit it. i cant get him to admit it no matter WHAT I say. He says hes gonna give me all his $ now so i can take over the bills. The bills were always a little past due, but never has been shut off. (electric,cable,phone..) I payed them all. Ive been tryong to get him to apply at other jobs, but he says he wont make the money he does now. What should i do? Should i leave knowing he'll always have this problem? We have no kids and no mortgage. This is my 2nd marriage to a loser and im only 25! Man, I cant believe this!!
2006-08-16 08:50:22 · 17 answers · asked by Baby Jack born 4/5/09 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If we're having these problems now, what if we have kids and a mortgage??
2006-08-16 08:52:43 · update #1
Thank you. That was all good advice.
2006-08-16 09:10:09 · update #2
I KNOW I SHOULDVE LEFT WHEN I FOUND OUT. I DONT KNOW Y I THOUGHT HE WAS BETTER.
2006-08-16 09:11:22 · update #3
I was married at 18 for a few months on my 1st marriage..
2006-08-16 09:25:35 · update #4
If you knew he had a gambling problem, why did you marry him? After 6 years this can't be a "surprise".
I would suggest telling him he needs to get professional help (like Gamblers Anonymous) and that he has to find another job (who cares if it doesn't make the money it does now, since he won't need the extra to gamble with). If he's not willing to acknowledge that he has a problem and he won't make the changes necessary to fix it, there's no hope for him. You can't MAKE him change, HE has to do the work.
And I'd think long and hard before getting married again - look at your relationships and see what sort of a pattern is there. Why are you attracted to these types? Do you think you can 'fix' them?
2006-08-16 09:09:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yipes! You knew he had a problem with gambling, worked in a casino, and you still married him? You have several problems. First, tell him in no uncertain terms that he needs to get help with his addiction or you are leaving. You are enabling him to continue his gambling otherwise.
Second, whether he agrees or not, get some counseling yourself, because you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness otherwise. When you choose to marry two losers in a row you have to answer some hard questions about why you wanted to do that to yourself.
Third, if he doesn't agree, get a lawyer and divorce proceedings started at once, because his habits will destroy your credit. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are too young to let your life be trashed this way. Free yourself of his problems, and spend time working through your own so that next time you make smarter choices.
2006-08-16 09:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by homebuyer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are only 25, you have lots of time to find someone new. I know noone wants a second divorce (or a first for that matter) we all like to think we knew what we were doing the second time around, but people make mistakes.You have to ask yourself do you want to deal with this forever? Doesn't sound like a change is comming around. My advice to you is: If you do leave him wait awhile before you get married again. At 25 you have a few changes to go through before you truelly know what you want in life, and what kind of guy to settle with. At 25 Losers are very attractive and all the good guys that go along with everything and seem to be perfect are annoying. We all like the passion and changes that happen with a loser. You will grow out of it though and he will still be a loser!
2006-08-16 09:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by deet deet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to get him away from the temptation of working in a casino! Would he rather have good money, or a good marriage? That's like putting an alcoholic in a bar to work and expecting him not to drink. Assure your husband that you'll support him in whatever job he chooses, but IF YOU'RE SURE that he's gambling, then he has no other choice but to quit that one. I don't think you need to walk at this point, but if he refuses to quit the job and the money keeps disappearing, a separation might wake him up.
2006-08-16 09:39:13 · answer #4 · answered by heartforhelping 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might be time for your second divorce. Unless he's willing to stop working at a casino (and, btw, casinos WILL fire people with gambling problems, so all you need to do is bring it to his boss's attention) and to turn over the finances completely to you (making you basically his mom), and get help... you've got a nasty relationship ahead of you.
You're 25, have been with this guy 6 years... and this is your second marriage? What, were you married at 16 the first time?
2006-08-16 08:59:50 · answer #5 · answered by Kiari 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then tell him he needs to be honest and get professional help and you will be there with him and if he doesn't then you have no choice but to leave him and file for divorce. I would try to work it out and support him if he is willing to get help. It would be a long time before I would ever consider buying a home or having kids in that situation even if he agrees to get help he would have to prove to me he was over his gambling addiction before I would have big life changing responsibilities that come with children and a mortgage. I Truly wish you the best in your situation.
2006-08-16 09:07:19 · answer #6 · answered by twinsmakesfive 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your problem? Why would you knowingly be with and then marry a guy with an addiction problem? Do you really think he is going to change? Believe me he will not. What is the problem with leaving him? He had the problem before you met him.. you didn't cause it. You better slow down girl and ask yourself why you keep picking the bum guys. I bet you think they are going to fall so in love with you they will change, just for you. Stop being a social worker and start being the strong, smart woman you know you are inside. Find a guy equally strong to marry next time. One thing I can say for you.. you didn't drop a kid every two years. So all in all you are not really that bad of shape.
2006-08-16 09:03:01 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG-this sounds like my life lately--my husband is doing the same thing--he makes about $75,000 a year and i make around $28,000 (P/T) and my electric was off last week because he didn't pay the bill, then the next week i got two notices from collection agencies when i opened the mail addressed to him!!
and he lies too, and says he sent the money, and they made a mistake-- I am sick of it!! I am thinking of leaving him too!! Good luck to you, hope we both make the right decision!
2006-08-16 09:32:33 · answer #8 · answered by dlgrl=me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The vows in a marriage are for real....take that "for better or worse" part seriously. Gather more information as proof of his problem before confronting him again. Once you have rock solid information, then demand that he seek help (even have solutions ready for him when you confront him as in counseling, etc)
Help him. You're his wife. If he refuses help then take things to the next step. The addicition of gambling is a sickness. You wouldn't leave him if he had cancer, would you?
2006-08-16 09:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by Amy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gambling is an addiction. He most likely will never change. ( I know this from experience). What I do however is to hold all his credit cards and cash and just give him enough to gamble with. I also do all the bills to make sure it is paid on time.
2006-08-16 10:23:48 · answer #10 · answered by Worried 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋