my wife who i have been with for 10 years married for 2 has told me she thinks she may be gay. She has moved into out spare bedroom and needs time to think. we both agree not to move to fast and sell the house and go our seperate ways but i don't know what to do. I am not sure if this is just a phase she is going though or not. Has anyone ever come out like this before? what happened? what did you guys do?
2006-08-16 08:46:53 · 38 answers · asked by lost 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Never really had this kinda problem. Sorry!!!!!!!!!!
2006-08-21 08:00:17 · answer #1 · answered by cowboy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is odd she has just "decided" she is gay. Can you afford counseling? Maybe that would help you and her. It is great you two are going slow with this. No reason to move too fast. I don't think being gay is a phase though. Has she met someone?
If you two have been together this long, it is worth going slow but I do think you need to talk to a professional about this. At the very least your wife needs a professional to help her make her decisions.
Good luck to you and I will hope for the best for you.
2006-08-24 04:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know of someone who went through the same thing...they were married for years. Then she decided to come out and tell her husband she was a lesbian. They had 2 daughters and for the sake of their well being, stayed together, but when they got older, he remained in the house, while she had lovers living there as well over the years. It isn't a pretty picture, and I'm not saying you should go about it like this, but, if there are children involved, give your wife some space right now. If she thinks she's gay, it's not a phase. SHE IS GAY.
I would move on. Sell the house. Figure things out like mature adults. Go your separate ways. I hope for your sake there are no children involved. It's always so hard on them. Good luck!
2006-08-16 09:02:41 · answer #3 · answered by Jenna 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This may not be a phase. She may have actually been thinking about this for years and just now feels comfortable talking about it, after coming to terms with her own sexuality. I say to give her the space she needs, if she chooses to be back with you she will do it on her own terms, in her own time.
I say stick by her though and support her. I know your feelings may be hurt, but as a married couple you should be her best friend. And even though things hurt, there still will be a part of her that will always love you, maybe not physically attracted to you, but the true honest love that cares deeply for you.
I say ask her does she need help with anything and then you should also seek out some type of counseling that may help you to deal with this type of issue. You are going to need support as well. Try the local GLBT groups in your area (gay lesbian bisexual transgender) and see do they offer any support groups for spouses whose significant other has switched.
Good luck- i hope for all the best for you!
2006-08-16 08:55:00 · answer #4 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Pray for God to intercede. He made us all and he knows how to fix us. The only reason that is acceptable to God for ending a marriage is adultry. That is for getting cheated on. That doesn't mean that you have to throw in the towel, but you are allowed to when that happens. Pray that God will change the situation or help you to walk through it. God's heart breaks when ours does. He wants to help you. If you have never turned to Him for your salvation, do it right now. It's not hard. Just tell Him this is too much for you and you want Him to forgive your sins and make you his child. Then you will have the authority to ask of Him anything you want and know that He will answer your prayers.
2006-08-23 14:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by Big Bama Fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this must be hard, may I suggest that if you both want to save your marriage. If yes from both parties you may want to explore swinging or threesomes but let me warn you this can also lead to disaster. Do a lot of talking, find out if there is still love between both of you if yes you both have a chance if not well good luck. Dont do like everyone a bitter seperation try doing it on a friendly side leaving out the lawyers to steel all the money and everything you both worked for, come to agreements and be equal. I know its hard but these are just suggestions. Worked for me.
2006-08-16 08:56:44 · answer #6 · answered by Funny 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've not had this experience, but I would think if she got herself to the point where she's telling you she thinks she's gay, it's not a lark. She has probably spent lots of time thinking about it. It's a shame it took her so long to get to this point, and now you're so many years into the relationship, but if she's gay, I can't see how your marriage could survive. Sorry for your troubles.
2006-08-24 04:32:54 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she will cheat on you eventually if she hasn't done so already. and i see it all as a choice. she like feamles and deep down prefers their company. i guess she thought by marrying a male she could stop having the feelings of wanting to be with a feamle until she realized she made a mistake.
she was definitely wrong to marry you though. you matter too. you have feelings too even if you are, in her mind, just a male. she should have been up front with you from the very beginning.
i personally wouldn't stay with someone who told me they prefer being with someone the same sex as they are. if she has been with another woman or women you better watch out for your health because she could be bringing STDs to you. just be careful and use your common sense.
also you have been with this woman for 10 years and not once did she tell you she choose to be with women? trust trust, trust. where is that trust now? relationships are about trust, honesty and communication...all of wish she never did. if you want to remain with someone like that then remember...that's on you. but you will be going through the rest of your life wondering who your wife is with when she's not home with you. you as a heterosexual by choice and she as a homosexual by choice being married just don't match up. something bad is eventually going to result there so, if i were you, and were married and my husband told me something like that it would scare the heck out of me # 1 and # 2 i would get the h** out of that marriage quick.
and don't let her talk you into having a threesome or something perverted like that just so she can have her cake and eat it too.
2006-08-16 09:11:08 · answer #8 · answered by Leicha 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are told that she is gay I think it is time to say goodbye. You cannot compete with that. Let her go and try to start again. She knows that she is. Being gay is not a phase you go though.
2006-08-24 03:56:53 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you both get some counseling from a professional.... this would help you both to think and sort out your conflicted emotions.
some times (Not always) people who are gay try to suppress or deny the attraction... due to social restrictions and they can deny the feeling only so long before they have to face them.
It is good that you both want to move slowly and whatever the outcome the guidance and questions from a professional counselor could help both of you to figure out where to go from here.
Good luck to you .... no matter how it goes.
2006-08-16 08:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by surfnsfree 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Pray for her Pray hard and ask the Holy Spirit to lead you Into all truth and understanding.It sounds like you love her or you would be gone already so love Is a powerfull thing ad the word of God to It and again let the Holy Spirit guide you .
2006-08-16 08:54:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋