I need feedback on how to make things happier after 16yrs. together.I'm 32 and he's 45 I know the difference in age and that's not the problem. He makes me feel like he has to spend time w/ me but only when I ask. He will do anything for anyone anytime but it's like pulling teeth when it comes to me. And I get blame for all things that happen. He can do as he pleases when he pleases and if I were to do the same... well you can guess. We have a 9yr old daughter together and that's part of what keeps us together and convience. Yes I know it's sad but true. He can be very controlling and that kills me. I want to be treated just like everyone else and the same respect I give him. Ido love him and he isn't all bad just being in a relationship with him is bad. But he tells me when need to work on us and communicate more and when I try to do that he walks away,turns it around,or ignores me. I'm tired of being told I'm wrong it's my fault!! Please help if u can Thanx!!!
2006-08-16 08:02:40 · 14 answers · asked by Stacy C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
well my boyfriend tryed doin the same at one point bout the talkin thing he would say we have to communicate more but he would always jump my *** for everything i say what i did was tell him actlly how i feel when i feel it and when he ignores me i go see this is why i never opened up to you you never listen to what i have to same be stright up with him and see how that works good luck and hope you two work out
2006-08-16 08:10:39 · answer #1 · answered by chelsae c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is an established fact that nothing kills a relationship deader than the words, "it's not my fault." He's a jerk for doing that to you. In every problem every person involved is at least partially at fault and unless all of them accept and admit and apologize, then there is only going to be more problems. If you are really tired of the way he's treating you, then tell him. Tell him how you feel. If you are willing to leave him if he doesn't stop it, tell him that as well.
Just make sure that when you tell him, it doesn't sound like an ultimatum. Make sure he understands that you aren't trying to change him. It isn't about you wanting to be powerful. It is about you having standards for the guy you are with. He is free to refuse if he likes, but he should understand that then he no longer qualifies to be your boyfriend.
2006-08-16 08:12:06 · answer #2 · answered by Magina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, never ever ever try to stay in a relationship for the kids. It will only come back to bite you. If things never end up working out, you know once your child is all grown up, you will end up regretting and resenting yourself and or him. Do for you. Sometimes people need to split even though they love each other and have a history. People change, period. Maybe you feel like you're in a rut and just need to grow as an individual. Never live this life, this only life you'll ever have for anyone but you and your daughter.
2006-08-16 08:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you have tried to communicate with him, theres really not much more you can do except divorce. You may be good friends, but not good husband and wife. If you don't want to live that way anymore, get a divorce. If you threaten divorce he may wake up and try to work on your relationship. If not, at least you will be happier without someone trying to control you all the time. I know it's convenient, but what is more important to you? Convenience or a happy life? Good luck.
2006-08-16 08:12:50 · answer #4 · answered by Xena 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From what you say ...he does not have a problem so he sees no reason to change ...thats why he says you need help and you the person wrong ...and it seems like your to be there when he wants you ...
There is an old saying ..if you love something set it free ..if it comes back to you it really loves you .......you have done this ...but he hasn't so set yourself free before you become totally dis-illusioned and believe he is right....be a good role model for your daughter ...let her see how a loveing strong woman can survive with or without love ....if he really loved you why does he not set you free even once a month
2006-08-16 08:19:01 · answer #5 · answered by pineforestkim 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you need help with? He is your boyfriend after 16yrs? He wont even committ to you. You've said nothing positive. Why are you still around? You've been with him since you were so young. You need to grow up and get away from him. He clearly still thinks of you has a child. Leave! Make a better life for you and your child. He probably wont even notice.
2006-08-16 08:10:17 · answer #6 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is unwilling to change or grow and you are geniunely making an effort to make things more pleasant only to be rebuffed by him. There is only one more recource, you need to get to a lawyer to arrange child support and tell him its over.
Maybe the shock will put him in a more receptive mode, but likely he will be beligerant and aggresive, so be prepared to call the police. Good luck.
2006-08-16 08:10:58 · answer #7 · answered by magerious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
S.you need to run.Run away and build a new life for you and your daughter.He is obviously selfish.And a person like this will never change.I thought you said is like this since ages.16 years of being with him should make you come into your senses.
I hate guys which doesn't respect a women.And worse is that he don't cherish you at all.It is a big NO.Do not stay with him no more.Good luck
2006-08-16 08:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by christy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with him for 16 years and he has not married you that would be my first red flag. Then to concieve a child and he still won't marry you ---- another red flag.
Hon, wake up, this guy is just using you. You have thrown the better part of your life away to him.
Life is too short and is meant to be happy.
Good luck!
2006-08-16 08:09:25 · answer #9 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
sounds like the only reason he is with you is because of your kid. Not saying you have to listen to what i say, but for the kids sake i would really go get help. Your child is never going to be happy knowing that mom n dad are not happy, Its better to do something now then to let your child stay in an unstable home.
2006-08-16 08:11:00 · answer #10 · answered by sexy momma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋