Tell me you funniest gay or lesbian joke. We all need a good laugh in here to get past stale poot and others.
2006-08-16 07:48:02 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Here are two:
First One:
Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons...
The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."
The second man said, "My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."
The third man, not wanting to be outdone bragged, "My son is a stock broker and he''s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire stock portfolio."
The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?" The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay. I''m not totally thrilled about it, but he must be good. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, two cars, and a stock portfolio."
Second One:
Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see a big black bear.
The black bear said "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex."
Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered.
Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder.
He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said "Why don't you just admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
2006-08-16 08:35:13 · answer #1 · answered by rp_iowa 3 · 11⤊ 0⤋
a little early, but funny. here's one from a friend at work:
I believe Santa is gay. Here's why.
Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight guy could possibly pull it all off.
For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious.
Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day.
But if you're a gay, out-of-work actor/dancer/waiter, it's the perfect gig until you get your big break.
If Santa were straight, he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names! Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen? Fill in the blanks.
Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never fathered a child with her. She's overweight and still content. Can you say "fag-hag?"
Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay, too! 'All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.'
Like he wanted to. Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society, anyway?
Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmas time? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a straight man:
* Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one night trip!
* Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots. Think, people!!!
* Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.
* Toys, toys, toys.
* Ho Ho. Homo. A little too similar if you ask me.
2006-08-16 16:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
These three guys are going on a skiing trip. Two of them are straight, and one of them are gay. They go to the ski lodge to get a room, they find out that there's only one room with only one king size bed in the middle of the room. The three guys have been friends forever, so they decide to share the bed. The straight guys sleep on the outer sides, and the gay guy sleeps in the middle. In the morning the straight guys are talking about their dreams, and one says I had this dream about a beautiful woman, and she did me all night long. The other straight guy then says he had the same dream. The gay guy comes in and says, I don't know what you two were dreaming about, but I had the greatest dream of skiing there ever was!
2006-08-16 15:08:29 · answer #3 · answered by Bunny K 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
An old man walked into a bar and ordered 10 shots of whiskey.
The bartender asked, "What's the matter?"
The old man said, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend."
The next day the old same man came in and ordered 12 shots of whiskey.
The bartenders asked, "What's wrong this time?"
The old man said, "I found out that my son is gay."
The next day the same old man came in the bar and ordered 15 shots of whiskey.
Then the bartender asked, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"
The man looked up and said, "Apparently my wife does."
2006-08-16 14:56:25 · answer #4 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 8⤊ 1⤋
LOL ok... I hope no one takes offense...
alot of you have prolly heard this one...
2 gay guys are in the shower... "messing around".. the phone rings and one of the guys tells the other Don't finish without me I'll be right back.. He goes and answers the phone and comes back into the shower to find semen on the wall of the shower... He gets all upset and starts to whine and sayings to his partner... I told you not to finish without me!! The partner says back to him... I didn't I just farted
LOL gross I know but its one of the funniest I've ever heard that i can think of at the moment
HAHA good jokes` ya'll
2006-08-16 15:02:36 · answer #5 · answered by Levi Cristopher . 4 · 4⤊ 3⤋
why did the eskimo stick his bum out of his iglooo???
so he could get a little chap on it
did you hear about the 2 gay ghosts?
they both put the willies up each other
2 condoms walking down the street and the see a gay bar, so one of the condoms says ''comeon lets go in and get shitfaced''
2006-08-16 15:25:34 · answer #6 · answered by ☺Everybody still loves Chris!♥▼© 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Very funny
2006-08-16 15:29:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A gay cowboy , rides in to town
to shoot up the gay sheriff
2006-08-16 16:14:46 · answer #8 · answered by annewithafan 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my *** up just one more time."
2006-08-16 14:58:55 · answer #9 · answered by Ant 2 · 7⤊ 2⤋
What is the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you take the meat out!
2006-08-16 15:35:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 3⤋