my husband was a caring man,till i got cancer,is he disappointed i didnt die?

Question

my husband works away from home ,only home 12 days every other month,im faithfull,doing what im suppose to as agood wife,he is signed up,looking on the dating personal adds,says he looked once.He no longerholds me ,tells me he loves me,or even sleep in the same bed,when hes home.i had thyroid,cancer,moved to my throat@chest,around that time is when i found the personal dating sight,he has no patiences with me ,nothing possitive from him,i think hes diappointed i didnt die,what else ?im up ready to take on the world,hes not ready to with me,i love him,very much,i dont think he loves me any longer,shame,because ,im well,@ ready to take on the world i want him with me,put it behind us @ live!!!NOW!!!do you think theres someone else?or, maybe its me,im healthy@read to TCB! he promises theres no one else,gets mad,when i ask,swears hes faithfull,the time away from each other,is hard ,i walk that white line i exept him to also,i wait for him to come home to hold me,that all i ask ,

Answer 1

I read once that when a spouse becomes seriously ill, the other spouse will sometimes let go "early" to protect themselves emotionally. He may have come to terms (sort of) with your death even though it didn't happen.

You made it clear that you want the marriage to work. So, drag him to a marriage counselor and start working on it. There's enough baggage here, that I can't see you doing it by yourselves.

Good Luck. Stay Well.

Answer 2

You have it under control now, great. You sound like you have that new found joy of life that comes with the realization that it is frail and you get some more of it. This could very easily be the problem with him. I know that if I were faced with the potential loss of my wife I would be a wreck. It does not sound like he was wishing for your departure as much as mentally preparing for it.
In your case you were fighting a known enemy the cancer. He was fighting an enemy as well, fear of the unknown. The look at the personals is not a surprise. Its the, "where do I go if she does go" thing. It is fully reasonable to believe he is telling the truth when he says he's been faithful. He may be having a difficult time adjusting to the future again. He may also be having a problem getting close again after the fear of losing you set in and did its damage. Its probably not a good time to press him for details. You did not say whether you felt he abandoned you during the ordeal. That you are still there leads me to think he did not. Let him know you love him and want to stay together. He might need some individual therapy to discuss his reaction to your possible loss. It sounds like he already began to grieve and is still not over it.

Answer 3

you see my father had cancer and my mom remained by his side the whole time, he was so sick and on the verge of death he had colon cancer, she never cheated on him or left his side and it was hard me and my bro were 11 and 7..she put up with alot...this is when ur husband shud be more with u than ever, u guys shud be strong and solid...it sounds like he's trying to get out...im sure u could do better u need the right kind of love and support in your life....thats like kicking u when ur down, looking for dates when ur going through something major is wrong! I dont think hes dissapointed that your still alive cuz then he would just be a heartless idiot, maybe he was planning on how his life would be when you were gone and didnt expect you to live ..like he was trying to move on by putting the dating stuff up so he could have someone if u died....either way he needs to step up now and be your husband!

Answer 4

Congratulations on beating your cancer. Hon, I wish I could hug you. It saddens me that your husband is not along side you in your victory. The only thought I will give towards his actions is perhaps he feared loosing you and he didn't know how to cope and thought he could find that in another mate. I don't agree with it but that may be why he contacted a personal site.

Find yourself a good cancer survivor support group and take on the world with people who are willing to go with you. Maybe after some time your husband will see your triumphs and will come back to reality. If not, you know how short life can be and you can't waste making your mark on this world with him not being a willing participant with you.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

I'm Sorry to hear you have a someone you thought was a man for a husband. Good Luck Best Wishes

Answer 6

oh that is soo sad i am sooo sorry.I hope you will be ok.Im sorry but hes being an *** he should be holding you and telling you sweet nothings and i love yous because you very well could have died that makes no sense.Have you told your hubby how you feel?You may wanna try couples counceling also.The thing that concerns me is you say hes signed up with a dating site why would he do that unless hes looking?You ask him and he gets mad and defensive thats can be a sign of cheating because hes guilty and he thinks hes been caught and his retaliating by getting defensive.I dont know if its true in his case but i would definitly keep my eyes and ears open.I hope everything works out well for u sweetie

Answer 7

These are the things you should say to HIM. And be prepared for whatever answer he may give you. I wish you the best of luck and congratualtions on winning your battle against the big C!

Answer 8

well sweetie,hate to say it but your husband is a big a.s.s.I would pack his stuff and leave it near the curb.as for you go and find a new partner,take half of all the stuff,keep the house and the car and get him to pay you 1000.00 dollars a month.teach him to not care any more.

Answer 9

It seems to me that he loves you ... he doesn't want you to die..i think this cancer is a suprise to him..maybe. and that is what is making him look else where for comfort..cause maybe he is afraid if he gets close to you ..you might disappear..

Maybe you 2 need to see a marriage counslor..to disuss the cancer, ur marriage and his dating sites..

I wish you all the best!! Good Luck!!

Answer 10

You may need to suggest couples counciling. He is probably having issues with your being sick, and needs someone to talk to about it. Suggest the counciling. If he is not willing to try, then end it. You deserve someone who is there for you at all times!!