Is there still hope for a marriage after living apart for 3 months? Should a married couple in this situation try to work things out on their own or is counseling the best solution?
2006-08-16 06:59:30 · 16 answers · asked by BELLA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counseling is always a very good idea. For both husband and wife together or separately if the other chooses not to go with the other.
Yes, there is still hope for a marriage in this condition. Instead of pushing the "Divorce" panic button as is typical in our society... The behavior must and should be checked. Help is needed and necessary for both parties involved.
The affair by itself is the fruit or the symptom of a deeper issue. So the root of the problem is what should be dealt with. There will always be a seemingly simple cause for why a person would dishonor God, their marriage covenant with God, and their spouse, however, the answer goes a lot deeper than some of the simple reasons like:
- finding another person more attractive/desired
- attentive to their needs
- needing and finding affirmation through someone else.
- other person is better off on the socio-economic level
When the spouse who cheated is made to confront issues from their past (youth to young adulthood) and how they've been trained or accustom to dealing with these "issues" that can either be related to parents, other family members, and the home environment, they can be shown how it shapes their thinking, choices, behavior, and reasoning abilities as they become adults.
So, if through counseling the root which caused the "fruit" of adultry" can be discovered and dealt with in a positive manner then yes, there's hope for the marriage.
Consideration must be given however, to the spouse who was cheated on. That spouse should seek counseling as well but will most definitely need time to heal, understand what, how and why this negative behavior happened. Then when they've fully processed all of that information and are able to.... hopefully, with Gods help forgive and move on.
2006-08-16 07:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by 247 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the people involved, if their feelings for one another are strong enough then they should be able to work it out. However, in most cases, infidelity is a deal breaker for most marriages and should be.
If both parties are will to try to work it out, counseling would probably be the best option for keeping the marriage together.
2006-08-16 07:20:48 · answer #2 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard thing. Infidelity is an addiction just as bad as alcohol and drugs. It can be cured but it can always come back to bite you in the ***.
Since you have been apart for three months a lot of things could have happened or maybe nothing happened, in any case, you will never really know. I do recommend that if either of you had sex you should be checked by a doctor before you have sex again, just for your own protection.
2006-08-16 07:10:06 · answer #3 · answered by lovely butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will probably need to speak with a counselor. A marriage can be saved after this type of thing, but it takes hard work on the part of both individuals. One must work hard to regain trust and the other must work hard to forgive. My wife and I have had ups and downs in our marriage, as every couple does, but the one main aspect is that no matter how difficult things get, divorce is never an option. If divorce can be an option, it will be an option, so we decided early on that we would never entertain the possiblity. If you can't get out of a marriage, you will work harder to make it work.
2006-08-16 07:11:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
at some point who ever was betrayed has to forgive and BEGIN to trust the other person...there's some trust that can never really be earned, you just have to give it to the other person...its like UNCONDITIONAL LOVE...only you can answer the the part about there being hope for a marriage after being apart for 3 mths...from experience, there was for my marriage...we married in NOV 04', lived the first year apart, there was arguing, lying, betrayal, you name it, it happened...but a year and some later, we're even stronger...and we still have our moments and separations due to military life...but as for counseling or coming up with a solution on your own, again only you two can decide...i'd recommend individual counseling before, marriage counseling...you have to build yourself up strong and love yourself before you can love someone else...or even help someone else...good luck, it will all work itself out at the end...patience is a virtue!!
2006-08-16 07:30:46 · answer #5 · answered by sweet_latina830 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, I have heard that couples do get past it and are able to work things out. I don't think I could & I don't think I would want to. But, I would say if you want to try to make it work (not just feeling like you need to try to make it work); if you truly want this relationship, get some counseling together and see what happens. I think it would be very hard to work through it on your own. Also, if the other person agrees to go to counseling, I think it at least says that are seriously willing to work on the relationship and not just giving lip service. Good luck to you.
2006-08-16 07:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
this can be difficult after infidelity there is so much lost now and being apart don't help but if the marriage can be restored go for it and yes try counseling
2006-08-16 07:08:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Monogamy is a socially imposed tradition based upon religious orthodoxy. It is NOT something natural to primates, including humans. The best way for this marriage to survive is for everyone to talk openly and honestly about their needs and to decide to act like adults in this relationship. Extracurricular relationships need not ruin this relationship; they could even revive the romance that has probably been lost over time. People need to open their minds to the idea that sharing someone is NOT losing someone. Life is too short for anyone to deny themselves what little happiness they can find in their lives while they are still able to enjoy it.
2006-08-16 07:10:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sigh...I don't think so. Last night I made the decision to divorce my husband of seven years with whom I made a perfect baby boy (he turned one on Sunday). He has told me about two of his affairs. I forgave him the first time because he told me that he would never do it again, but he did. I do not believe that humans are not monogomous. I do not believe that men cannot be faithful. My father was faithful to my mother for 50 years of marriage and loved her disfunction and all until his death. I was also faithful to my husband, and it wasn't that I didn't have the opportunity! I told my suiters, "not only am I married, I am SO married. I am completely in love with my husband. I am not going to have a relationship with you." I love him still, I will love him until my dying day, but I cannot share him, I won't. It is unlikely that I will ever love another like I love him, but I know that I will be happier alone than with him and his unfaithfulness. I only have two rules when it comes to relationships, 1. No one hits me. 2. No one cheats on me. You do it once and you are gone. I broke my rule for my husband and he ended up tearing out my heart again. I'm not fooling myself a third time. Good luck dear. I would suggest that you narrow down your rules and unlike me, stick to them.
2006-08-16 08:09:52 · answer #9 · answered by amyaliceco 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still feel invested in this marriage then you should try to make it work but if your both not truly invested it will never work.
2006-08-16 07:21:06 · answer #10 · answered by Jewells 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋