My 4 year relationship with my boyfriend has been on the rocks. I've told him numerous times that I'm unhappy. I've asked him a few times to move out of my apartment. I've told him things that he can do to help make our relationship better. He begs me to let him stay. He says to cut him a break & he'll try harder, but he barely makes an effort. He tells me that he loves me. I believe he does, but it's not like it used to be. I don't think he loves or respects me the way he used to. He wanted to make me feel better & take me out to dinner last night. But he cancelled to go help a friend at his house. I talked to his friend, it wasn't immediately important, he could've helped him the next day. He keeps talking to a girl who's "just a friend" on the phone. Months ago it wouldn't have bothered me but, under the current circumstances at home, I asked him if he'd cut back on the conversations. He says he will, but he doesn't. But still, he begs me to stay with him & says he's so sorry.
2006-08-16 06:51:41 · 23 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is the lease in your name or his? Either way, if he's paying part of the rent there, you'll open yourself up to legal trouble for kicking him out without notice. If it's in his name, pack up and leave.
You need to end the relationship. Make him sleep outside the bedroom, give him a date he has to be out of the apartment by. You may keep saying "I want you to leave", but if you keep letting him back into your bed, you can't blame him for not believing you.
You spent 4 years with the man, have the decency not to throw him out onto the street without a warning or a place to go.
2006-08-16 08:48:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kiari 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he has contributed rent towards your home, then he has legal rights and you will be liable for illegally evicting him. On the other hand, if he hasn't contributed anything to the home, then you can change the locks at your earliest convenience. However, you can still be held legally liable if you damage any things of his in the home or if they are lost or stolen because you put them outside.
You need to have one more talk with him. Tell him it's over. Tell him he has to move. Give him a few days perhaps even a week to behave responsibly and leave. If he doesn't then go ahead and change the locks. However, you will still have to make arrangements with him at some point to tranfer his property back to him. Do NOT under any circumstances take out your frustration on any of his property as this can be used against you later.
If he fails to leave of his own accord and you have to change the locks, carefully box his things and have them ready so that as soon as he asks for them, they are all ready to go and he can get them and get out of your life as quickly as possible.
If he owes you any money, forget it. Take it as a lesson learned and move on as most likely if you took him to court, you would lose. Many courts would suggest that such a debt, particularly where no written evidence is available to suggest a loan, is just the cost of having a relationship.
2006-08-16 07:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only time that changing locks in an acceptable way of ending the relationship is if you are physcially afraid of this man. Obviously, you need to be assertive and tell this man that it isn't working and that you want him out of your life. It sounds like he's using you for free room and board. Get him out of your life, out of your apartment and break it off clean by making no further contact.
2006-08-16 06:59:14 · answer #3 · answered by Randy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously want out of the relationship, change the locks and do whatever you can to stay away from an unhealthy relationship. The longer it goes on teh more damage it will do in the long run
2006-08-16 06:58:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure it's "mean" but I wouldn't say it's cruel.
Unfortunately, you've set the precedent for him. If you've told him you're unhappy and that he needs to do more for the relationship and even gone so far as to ask him to leave but never actually followed through on any of those requests, he's going to continue to walk all over you.
Change the bolt but explain to him that you're simply making the choice for him that he can't make on his own. As long as his name isn't on your lease, you shouldn't feel obligated to boot him any other way.
2006-08-16 07:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you answered your own question. I would get a deadbolt and tell him to hit the road. You are unhappy and you have made that clear, he should have respected you and left when you told him. Now he wants you to feel guilty that way he is still in your life. Its not fair to you. Change them locks.
2006-08-16 08:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by hopelovesu2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change the locks, and pack his stuff up very neatly taking an inventory in case he complains that everything is not there. You're just not in love with him, go on and admit it. You don't have to settle for a relationship where one person pities the other.
2006-08-16 07:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a word - sucka!!!! Just kidding - sort of.
Not only should you change the damn bolt, you might consider a "peace warrant"! In the long run it'll be better for both of you!
2006-08-16 07:04:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure to pack all his items and place them where he can get to them. Also, if his name is on the rental agreement or lease, you CANNOT deny him access. Make sure, before you do this. From what you have said, if all true, you have every reason and right to force him out.
2006-08-16 07:00:42 · answer #9 · answered by Quietman40 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your apt so if you feel that's what you should do then do it. I think maybe you should. it sounds like he's using you as a security net and won't leave till he finds something better such as the girl he's been talking to. Do it.
2006-08-16 06:59:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋