My fiance has two kids, why do I feel so treathened by his ex?

Question

I am the girlfried to a devorced person. He has two his and he seems to me to be the worlds greatest dad, which is great, and he is also a great loveing boyfriend. School started two days ago for his kids and he skip the fact to tell me that his ex and him were going up to their kids new school to inprocess them, he made it seem like he was doing it alone, well I found out he met her at her apartment and they enrolled them in school. He claim I wouldn't understand, I was furiouse that he would hide such a detail. This woman is and average chik, she is in her early thirties but acts like a immiture girl. She has done things out of the ordinary not directly to me but to us. She is mad that he actually have someone now. She ended the marriage because she found someone else. Now what is her problem. He two makes excuses for her, he once said he cares about her well being because she has to take care of his kids. I cant share him with anyone. I don't think he should feel anything!

Answer 1

There is always going to be some feelings for an ex because of the time they spent together. You have to just let it go when they do things together. i was in that situation a long time ago and just relaxing and letting things run there course is the best to do. She will always try to find time for them to be together when it involves the kids to make you mad. After a while you will get used to it and not care and she will also.

Answer 2

you better get over it quick! she is the mother of his children and she will always hold a special place in his heart. If you are not able to handle it then i suggest that you find another man because he will have to maintain contact with his ex wife until the kids are all grown up and yes sometimes that contact is face to face. If you are engaged to him then you need to have a little more confidence in your relationship or why get married. Too much insecurity will ruin a good thing. If she's moved on then be happy and let him do what he has to do. Just remember you said he was a great dad part of that is being there for the kids.

Answer 3

I can understand why he wouldn't tell you that he was meeting his ex considering the reaction you had. But I can understand your point of view too.

I helped raise my ex's two kids and am now engaged to someone with 3 teen daughters. I had to learn a long time ago that if I want a good relationship with my guy, I have to have a good relationship not only with him and his kids, but also his ex. She will be there until the kids are grown, and maybe even after that (such as at holidays).

If you are unable to let go of these things, then you probably don't belong in this relationship. Of course he has some feelings for her! It is the mother of his children and he will always have some type of feelings for her because #1 he was married to her so that means that they did love each other at some time #2 they have kids together #3 they have to keep in touch due to the kids. If that's something you can't live with, then move on.

As for her trying to break you up, have you tried being this woman's friend, discussing the kids, giving her your views about them or kids in general, asking her about them, etc? It sounds like she is jealous that someone else will not only be in her ex's life, but also there to take over with the kids because if you get married, she may be scared that the two of you will try to get custody of the kids. Try to be her friend, try to reassure her that you are NOT there to replace her, that you are there to be her kids friend NOT be their mother, etc. It may take awhile, but she should come around.

Since you are having these problems with your fiance, his ex, etc, I suggest you DON'T get married until they are all resolved. I decided when I met my fiance and we started dating, that I would become his ex's friend. We talk about the kids pretty much daily, make decisions about them together, etc. The kids are happy that we have decided to get married next year and so is she. She has insights about her kids and my fiance that I never would have had if I wasn't a friend to her.

Give it time, patience, don't be jealous of the time your fiance spends with his ex as he HAS to do it because of the kids. Talk with your fiance and explain, calmly, how you feel about all of this, what you would like to see happen, what you would like to do, etc. Keep talking until it is resolved between you. Then, try to be his ex's friend. If you still decide to marry him, you HAVE to get used to the fact that his ex will always be in your lives. Period.

Answer 4

I've been in your position twice and it's not at all easy.
If you have no children of your own, your best bet is to break it off. You have no idea how much heartache being with someone who has children from a previous relationship can be.
Their ex will never be out of your life. They will be there at b-day's, school functions, sporting events, and eventually weddings and baby showers. And it will piss you off to no end (as it is now) when his loyalty isn't 100% to you.
You're right he shouldn't have feelings or concerns for her. If he does, he has no business being with anyone else. Yes, they are co-parents in their childrens lives, but it should end there. His concerns should be for your relationship with him and yes, his relationship with his children. But she should not be a part of that.
I wouldnt suggest this in all situations but one where he's not being honest already doesnt look hopeful.
If you do stay with him and have your own children with him, there could be a strain on your relationship because he may not treat them equally.
I know it would be hard for you to break it off because I'm sure you have time and emotions invested. But there are better men out there with less baggage. And since he's already making decisions to not support your involvement with his children, it's already looking bad.
It may take longer to find but imagine your true love, who has waited for you as you have waited for him, building a relationship together without interferences. Your firsts will be together, (engagement, wedding, births, b-day, 1st day of school, etc) and there won't be anyone to be compared to.
If I could go back, that's what I would have done.
Best wishes.

Answer 5

He definitely shouldn't feel like he need to leave out the small detail about he and his ex-wife going to the school together. Maybe he thought you wouldn't understand because you can't understand how he could still care what happens to the woman that takes care of his kids.

God forbid she doesn't wake up one day or something happens and she can't work anymore. That will affect he and his children forever.

It is something any normal person would care about. Try telling him that you will try to be more understanding and that you need him to try to be more honest about the situation.

Answer 6

well,i guess you should trust him and the fact is that whatever the past and whatever the feelings he is with you and wanna be with you in the future....confide in him and build up strong binds of trust amongst yourselves....ask him not to hide things from you and come and tell you all thats happg and tha hes gonna be doing...you dont have to be treathened at all cos he has choosen you over her......just make sure you dont push him away by fighting and arguing on this issue,rather give him all the trust and confidence about your understanding and relationship for him to come and share things with you,thinking that you will undertsand!!

and finally if you cant do all this,its better if you move on,cos no relatinship works without trust in it,trust is the foundation of every relatinship!!

Answer 7

As long as he has children with this women he will always be in her life and his childrens. If you can't handle that get out of the relationship. The children are none of your business. They belong to him and his ex. You are going to cause trouble, I can read between the lines. He needs to get rid of you. Sorry . It just sounds to me you can't handle it.