The prolgue and first chapter to my story.
http://www.freewebs.com/enchantedcheesecake/theuntitledproject.htm
2006-08-16 06:05:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
This is pretty good. I agree that the first sentence should be stronger. I liked the imagery and your grammar is great. I do think the prologue is a bit wordy, but the first chapter didn't seem to have the same problem.
I really like Holly, but Adam hasn't quite grown into his personality, meaning I don't think he is very distinct. I know this is the first chapter, but I don't want them to get together.
2006-08-16 07:20:58 · answer #1 · answered by T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first sentence doesn't grab my attention...work on grabbing the reader's attention.
2006-08-16 13:44:55 · answer #2 · answered by Bob J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi there!
i would have loved to do so but for time. hwere i am in nigeria, we pay for our browsing time and my remaining time is so short. if you could send it to my mail box, i would do so and tell you just what i think, ok? my email is maxndianaefo@yahoo.com, but of course! Cheers.
2006-08-16 13:12:35 · answer #3 · answered by maxndianaefo 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
what ever it may be.
2006-08-16 13:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by prince47 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋