what would you do if you found out that your husband posted a personals ad looking for women @yahoo?

Question

we have been together since i was 17 and we have 4 kids together. I am so sad and don't know what to do. I feel so betrayed.

Answer 1

I would put the ad on disk, take it to Kinko's and have it blown up to a poster size. Then I would staple-gun it to a yard stake and plant it at the end of the driveway to greet him when he drives up after work, along with an overnight bag and a note telling him to come home when he decides whether he wants to be a husband and a father. Then I'd lock the doors and go take a bubble bath with a nice champagne.

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. My ex did that and it broke my heart. My advice to you is that you have just the tip of the iceberg and that he is doing other things too, such as meeting other women, etc.. I found out the hard way that there really is no way to stop this behavior. Counseling didn't help, promises didn't help, threats to divorce didn't help. He "cheated" every chance he got, telling women on line that he was divorced, etc.. I prayed and worried and suffered for five more years before I got out and found a man who has integrity. It was very hard to give up on an 18-year marriage, but his behavior wouldn't change - until I filed for divorce. Then, he was willing to do anything, but it was too late because all trust and respect was gone. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that for every one letter you saw, there were probably five or more that you don't know about - and why would you care? If he's a cheat, he's a cheat and you need to call him on it immediately. Please don't be duped like I was. It's not just a "playing around" activity - it's cheating and it's abusive. If you don't confront him and resolve the issue it will eat you alive and destroy whatever may be left of your marriage. Don't worry about more evidence - just get him alone and have it out. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

It really hurts, I know. The sense of betrayal almost burns. I've been there.

Here's what I would do.

1) If you are computer savvy, get a copy of Family Key Logger (http://www.spyarsenal.com/familykeylogger). You'll have to pay for it. Install it on your computer and set it up to run silently. Periodically check the log and see what he is up to. You'll even be able to get the password to his email account.

2) Once you have his email password, read all his old emails -- received and sent. Then, you'll know what he is up to for sure.

3) Create a profile of your own. Use a picture of one of your friends or coworkers that he does not know. Make arrangements to meet him. Let her chat him up for a while and see what he wants. At a prearranged signale, sit down at the table and ask him point blank what the ---- he is doing.

With all the evidence in hand, and your friend as a witness, you can tell him directly that he either shapes up or gets out. I would say dump him now, but you have four children so I think you have an obligation to try to fix this, but only once. (Two strikes an your out, IMHO.)

If he agrees, get a marriage counselor involved ASAP and start working. If he won't go, file for divorce.

You might the articles at the link below useful.

I am sorry that this has happened to you. It has happened to me and I am ending a 20-year marriage over it. (She won't stop and there are even worse issues.)

Answer 4

Don't freaking play games with him in return by having a friend respond and meet him. You'll be no better than he.

What I'm getting at .. is IF it was not him that posted it, (anything is possible.. just looking at both sides) if it was not him, and HE finds out that YOU thought it WAS him.. then you're not going to look very good for not trusting him like you should be.

Simply confront him. Ask if it was him that posted it. If he denies it, accept it as honesty, but keep that radar running 24/7.

I know people that have set up ads .. stole their friends photos and pretended to be them. It IS possible.

If he says it was him, then go to counseling. If you go to Church, go to a counselor there. If not, go to a marriage counselor. I think most of the time if people get a divorce.. they sometimes wish they were still with that person they divorced. Especially if it's over something small. Cheating is not something small.. but the thoughts of others I think is small. It's the acting it out that's another story. If he is posting them, It could be something as simple as getting him a subscription to some magazine to keep him 'entertained'. or who knows what. But it always starts out simple and progresses from there.

Get it while it's simple. :) - for your sake, and of course your children. You've invested too much in this life of yours via him and the children to just give up. If my wife cheated on me once.. I would probably forgive her and move on. But if it happened again, that'd be it. We all have our limitations. You just have to look at what you think is best and make up your own mind. Us people on yahoo can't.

Just please.. don't jump to conclusions.. and if it's still a simple and young issue, work on it. Spending five or ten years together and ending it in 5 seconds.. just .. doesn't make a ton of sense to me. Of course, it does depend on the circumstances.

But if you have hard evidence, and there's no doubt at all.. and it's too much to handle, it's exceeded your tolerance, then you will have to work on a divorce or separation.

My worst case? Found my xgf with three other guys. In the act. That was obviously an unquestionable event. She said she was drunk.. didn't know what was going on.. but she said that when I caught her.. Umm.. if she can figure all of that out .. then she obviously knew what was wrong or right at that very moment. It was a two year relationship - that ended very quickly.

Answer 5

I like, no actually I LOVE, the idea of setting him up. My EX husband did this to me. He posted a personals ad and told me he had a class every Monday night, but he was at the computer lab on campus chatting, and doing no telling what else. But here's how I found out: my friend was surfing the personals and came across my ******* husband's ad! I confronted him at his job, with a print copy of the ad actually, as soon as I found out. lol. I made a scene and it wasn't pretty. Then I divorced him.

Answer 6

You have to tell him that you know, and get him to talk to you. After being together so long, and having children, you both have no doubt put a lot of work into your relationship. Sometimes it is very easy to take one another for granted. Ask him what he is feeling and listen to what he has to say. At this point it still sounds pretty innocent, like he is just wondering what else is out there, and we all do. Talk to him before it is too late. You are not only husband and wife, but you should be the best of friends, and be there for each other. Try not to be angry with him, just try to understand. You could save both of you a lot of heartache. You owe it to yourself to find out the truth though (and to your kids), so don't wait. I will pray for you.

Answer 7

Well, I would cut some pictures of some hot women and post a personal ad of your own and respond to his...tell him you want to meet him and then meet him at a hotel room...and when he comes to the hotel kick his *ss...

Another thing you can do is post up an ad for yourself...saying you looking for a guy who is: Good looking, young and etc...and put up the sexiest picture you have of yourself. Then respond to your husband's ad...and tell him the gig is up.

After you tell him that you busted him ...he needs to tell you why he is doing this....because its not fair to you...if he wants to cheat on you, then he should allow you to cheat on him. (Which I am sure he wouldn't approve)...and then talk to him about why he has to look outside the marriage. I mean he can look at porn and fantasize, but going out side the marriage and looking for women on a personal ad is crossing the lines of marriage. And if he still refuses, then perhaps you should threaten divorce.

Answer 8

Another user suggested getting a friend to post an ad to see if he answers it. Honestly, thats a tempting idea, to see how committed he actually is to the online dating. This wont help resolve the problem but if you have serious doubts about whether he intended to actually meet with someone, i would go through with it.

You need to sit down and talk to him, above all. You need to tell him how hurt and betrayed you feel. I think guys do things like this, and forgive me for being abrasive, but i think they do things like this when they are horny. The internet is an instant outlet for those desires for them. Hopefully, its that simple.

Let him know you love him, you love your children and all the years youve spent together. Let him know that you are seriously doubting his commitment towards you and your family. Ask him whether a personal ad is worth risking the security and the family life that you have.

Then, talk to him about your sex life. Seriously. Tell him you want to make him happy and are willing to try new things. Ask him if he is willing to try, or if he would rather just use yahoo personals!

I wish you the best of luck. When my boyfriend cheated on me it felt like my whole world was crashing down. I just set him down and had a long talk with him. It has never been the same but all you can do is take one day at a time.

Answer 9

marriage counseling? No way - I don't agree with that. Its obvious there is a problem there but if it was a problem with intimacy, actually whatever the problem was he should of talked to you about if he still is in love with you. A man or a woman should never ever stray out of a marriage or relationship unless they separate. I would not be ok with this - and I would leave him. I would first come up with a fake personal ID, confront him and see what he is looking for in another woman. Based on that - if its clear he is looking for a mistress, his @ss is out of my house immediately. No second chances for that - you need to have respect for yourself and know that there is someone out there better for you in the longrun

Answer 10

Show him the ad and ask him what's going on. Let him know how you feel about it and try to get him talking. (That means: Don't start out by telling him what a good-for-nothing cheater he is. That will just make him defensive.)

I hope you didn't find his ad because you were looking at the personals for a date for yourself.