How do I get over this???

Question

My husband USED to hit me. He is now going to meetings and everything seems to be heading forward...We are now talking about starting a family...I have an issue I need to fix but don't know how...I can't get over the hurt I felt from the past...I know I have to look pasted it but I can't seem to do it...He has and is changing for the good...And advice on how to let the past go so we can move on???

Answer 1

How long has your husband been reformed? I hope its been longer than a year. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. It sounds like you could use a support group yourself. I hope your husband constantly reassures you how much he loves you and how sorry he is for treating you bad. You are a good woman to stand by his side. Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

Hello, I'm very happy that your husband is seeking help in changing his behavior. Please be aware that this sort of thing can be difficult for people to get over.

First talk to someone about your feelings from the past. This will help unsuppressed the feelings releasing them. If there any kind of troubling feeling it's always best to have a person to talk to about it. You may even want to talk to your husband about it if you feel right to. This will let him know how you feel also it will remind him to no fall back to his old patters.

Secondly realize that he is changing these patterns. He must be changing the patterns because he cares for you and loves and probably doesn't want to see u get hurt. He has recognized what he has been doing as a serious problem and has made a step to change this. That's very good for him to do that because many abusive people don't reach that step. So each time you think of the memories keep reminding your self that he is working hard to change.

Thirdly, try to find some support groups for people in the similar situation.

Forth, I would try to make sure the changes are permanent. Be aware that he could do it again. If you think about having a family makes sure you making the right decision. If your husband falls back to his own ways when you have kids, this can put a negative upbringing on the kids. Sometimes people will change but then they’ll fall back to the old patterns even after many years of not doing it.

Fifth, show him how much his change has better the relationship. Show him affection and constantly tell him all the different ways the relationship has improved by his rehabilitation.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

Sixth, don’t blame your self. What he did in the past is not your fault.

Seventh, if you are ever caught in a situation where he gets violent again, keep your self safe.
1) stay out of the kitchen
2) stay out of the garage
3) stay out of places where there are things that can be used a weapons ex. Knives, tools, and guns

Answer 3

I went through this. My ex went through the classes and all that and all he learned was how to be more sneaky about it. I would be careful and wait awhile before having children with this man. Maybe he is changing but children put stress on a relationship and if he's just barely starting to work on this then it may not be a good time.
As for you, you need some therapy. Therapy for just you and then probably couples therapy. The act of abuse is very damaging and its hard to move past it.
My ex had a certain type of truck he used to drive. Even though I moved 600 miles away every time I see a truck like that I get scared and it's been 6 years since I left. And that was with intense counseling.
I would honestly wait for children. I'm glad you're husband was smart enough to get help but I'd want to make sure it sticks before you bring children into. Children learn so much more from adults than you know so you must be sure that the abuse is in the past and stays there.

Answer 4

If you are really set on making it work, then look at how he's changed, and how long its been since he hit you. Ive heard lots of girls saying that he did and it wont happen again, but that was only shortly after the last time. Then He hit her with an ashtray. She didnt show up in court so they had no case. She still says that everyone doesnt know and that it wont happen again. Then i see him chase her into the back yard cuz she won't shut up with her opinion or that he cheated on her. I could hear the smaks all the way in the front yard. I used to blame him, but now i dont know who to blame. Everyone has givin her the advice she should take, but doesnt take it. Maybe she has low-self esteem. Maybe she likes it. I don't know. People can change and can make mistakes. But patterns will always be that, a pattern. Look at your pattern, and decide what it looks like today.

Answer 5

First you need to seek couseling and then leave him. He is never not going to hit you again and again and again. Something will push his button and it is you that will take the brunt of his attitude. I am sure you love him, however can you trust him again. He may say he is sorry over and over again and that he didn't mean to he had a hard day or something/someone made him angry and he will stop. That is crap because he won't and it will only get worse. You need to find someone you don't have to walk on egg shells around even if that means living for you and finding out who you are and what you want first. You should always think of you. DOn't start a family now you may regret starting one with him. That could also be a ploy to make sure you don't ever leave him and then he could just brainwash your kids against you.

Answer 6

There are support groups for battered wives. I think you really some professional help. Without knowing much more about your situation that is the best I would advice. You can always check out an Al-Anon meeting even if the cause of your abuse at the hands of your husband was not alcohol related. However I would strongly suggest regardless that you get some professional help.

Answer 7

I went through this same thing for 4 1/2 years then he did anger management and did it again. I moved out with my family and then after 4 more years he was let back in and moved into my home with my family, meanwhile I still had not gotten over the abuse and shut down emotionally and physically then he left me for another woman. I dealt with his physical abuse for 4 1/2 years and he had the nerve to ditch me after what he put me through, However I made the decision to finally forgive him for the abuse this past March because I figured he had abused me for so long and even though he did not physically abuse me anymore he was still mentally abusing me and keeping me captive with all the anger I had towards him. So good luck I'm not sure it can get better but you do need to forgive him for your own sanity and so that you can move on emotionally and mentally. Good Luck

Answer 8

LEAVE HIM NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Any man that would raise his hand to hit a woman is a coward and has issues within himself that have nothing to do with the woman. If you're husband hit you once, I don't care what kind of counseling he has or meetings he goes to, he'll hit you again. Especially if this was a pattern of abuse which it sounds like from your statement "my husband used to hit me". After a man does something to you whether it's cheating, hitting you, or anything disrespectful and you don't do anything about it, you empower him to treat you however he sees fit. A person can only do to you what you let them and the fact that you stayed after the first time he hit you, sent a message to him that hitting you and apologizing about it later is OK with you. I get that you must love your husband but ask yourself how much can he love you if he hit you? You have to love yourself first and realize that you don't deserve to be hit AT ANY TIME BY ANY MAN!!! I see a vicious cycle starting between you and your husband and I think the safest thing for you to do is to get out and Lord PLEASE don't bring any children into the picture. Children adapt to life by what they learn at home and if your son or daughter grows up in a home where their father abused their mother, she will think it's OK for a man to hit her and he will think it's OK to hit women. I'm praying for you.

Answer 9

Go to therapy for a possible pst traumatic stress disorder. You have to talk about it and vent because what you are doing right now is concentrate on him fixing his problem while you have neglected yours.
Keeping this to yourself works for a little while but later it comes back wth a back lash. If you want to move forward then you have to adress your pain as a domestic abuse victim. yes, go ahead and give it a name because that is what is was. Don't be afraid to call it what it is and adress it as such.

Please, don't have any kids until this situation is under control and you know for sure that he is done with the physical violence. This is not going to happen overnight.

Good luck

Answer 10

Honestly I went through that and it will last for a little while then in a moment of stress it will return..I am not judging I am speaking from personal expierience... Hey if he is tryin to change great, but there are underlying issues that will always B there. It is your life, but I will tell you this I do not want to hear about you and your baby on the news b-cuz your husband went crazy and killed you both...it is your call..