I don't do emotional support, I do solutions, then my wife gets pissed at me for it. She says she just needs me to listen, so I sit and listen and then she says, "Hello, say something." What am I supposed to say? I don't want to lie and say it is going to be alright when I know it is not. What are women expecting when they want "emotional support"
2006-08-16 05:37:01 · 7 answers · asked by thebuffettour 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She just wants to feel UNDERSTOOD.
She doesn't want to be given a solution, nor does she want to be told everything will be alright when maybe it won't.
She wants signals that you're listening and understanding.
Try saying what she says back to her in your words, or better: say something like "I feel for you", "I can relate to that", "Yeah that really sucks", "Oh I'm so sorry", "Yeah, that kind of thing can really bring you down"...
At least throw in "ahs" and "mmms" that sound like you're listening to her with your heart in between what she is saying.
Oh, and you can tell her about similar situations/problems you have faced in your life and say how you felt similar to her to emphasize how you can relate to how she is feeling... well if you were feeling anything like her... don't laugh, my boyfriend is really good at this, I don't know where he got it from, but it really works! :)
I know men can hate that kind of reaction - it can make them feel worse to be told how bad something is; but it generally makes us women feel understood, or more accurately:it assures us we are RIGHT TO BE FEELING DOWN, and it makes us feel like we're NOT ALONE and that's what we need from our partner when we say we want emotional support! :)
Just to feel that you're on our side and with us in this struggle...
(Personally I also like being made to feel my partner believes in me, believes that I'm a wonderful and resourceful person and will manage to handle this just fine... but that may be just me. As for the above, however, I feel I can almost guarantee that's what your wife wants.)
Good luck and thanks for asking! It means you really love her and are trying to do your best... that's so great to see that question from a man!
2006-08-16 05:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by s 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
mate im a female myself, and half of the time i dont even understand, all i no is that their r to many moods in a women and 80 percent of them can not be explained, my friends r the same way with their man and i just feel sorry for you all, just try to make her understand in a nice way that u do listen to her but u r worried u will say the wronge thing, and dont wonna upset her more , if she has a herat im sure she wont get mad at you for saying this , give it a try
2006-08-16 05:49:44 · answer #2 · answered by louise 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All she want is attention and hope. She's feeling frustrated. She needs to understand that you're just one man. And she needs to stop blaming you for her frustration. Best way is to write out your feelings of how she's making you feel. You want to be there for her but you have no idea how to and you need her advise to show you how. Then give the letter to her to read. Give her some space and see how she reacts. I understand you don't want to lie to her and say things are going to be allright, but that's really what she wants to hear. You're not really lying to her, you're just giving her hope.
2006-08-16 05:51:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look take it from a crazy woman sit there and liseten but really liseten and tell her whats in your heart if you know that not every thing is going to be all right tell her but let her know that your there for her. It always helps to know that no matter what you have some there to walk that tought road with
2006-08-16 06:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.......being a women myself, i do that too! My advice is to just listen to what she has to say, and when she's done, tell her what you feel, but in the nicest way possible. ALWAYS tell her how you feel, that's an open relationship and only those in open relationships can solve problems!!
2006-08-16 05:46:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're suppose to say - honey, I understand, I love you very much...and is there any way I could get laid right now.....?
2006-08-16 05:46:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
just for someone to be there to listen....tell her that things could be a lot worse than what they are, and suck it up and move on
2006-08-16 05:43:59 · answer #7 · answered by jennifer_spanky2002 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋