We don't talk unless to argue, we don't touch and we've been together 16 years. She's hit 30 and has changed completely. We've talked and talked, and she won't change. She's asked me to leave twice already, but I'm scared of what it will do to our little boy.
2006-08-16 05:29:22 · 54 answers · asked by BigTail 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's better for a child to have two happy parents that do not live together than two miserable ones who are together. He doesn't need to see his mom and dad fighting. Divorce for his sake.
2006-08-16 05:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by Lotus 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your sons mother are setting a life example for your child. Do you want him to grow up thinking its normal for parents to not speak unless they are arguing? He would likely have emotional problems due to this behavior. I think it would be better for him to have two parents that are happy and seperated than two who don't even touch or talk to one another. Your son doesn't need to see the two of you this way. If the two of you have been together for 16 years, I am sure that she is not the only one who has completely changed. She was 14 when you met her, who wouldn't have changed by then? So have you. Take a look at yourself too. Anyway, I really hope the two of you can work things out and save your family. Take a trip, get some counseling, remember why you fell in love with each other, oh yeah, AND MAKE SOME LOVE!!!!!!! Peace.
2006-08-16 05:44:14 · answer #2 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect her to change help her to change. you must change first. If you have hurt her make every effort to let her know at least once a week that you shouldn't have. Maybe she hasn't acheived in life what she wanted. Ask her! she might be hitting early menopause. A change in lifestyle or in diet can help. Encourage her to go out and socialise. as for touching you take the lead with a cuddle from behind when she's standing at the sink. if she pushes you away try again later. If your lifestyle or diet are unhealty change and she will follow your lead. Keep talking especially after a fight not all men can. If you leave her it will maybe confirm that you don't love her if thats what she thinks. If your son is the only reason your staying your only hurting him. your not teaching your son one of the most important things in life, that is love. If it cant be fixed move on but be honest always about how you feel ie if you love her fight for your family. for yourself, be open to the option of returning or not if you do leave. Look at your life and see is it your unhappieness with your situation that is making things so negitive or your unwillingness to change and see if there is anything you can do to fix it. Allways talk to your son if you do decide to leave and never pass blame or pass on your hate for his mother, let him make up his own mind and learn for him self. all the best with the rest of your lives hope you don't have to leave and things get better. well done you 2 with 16 yrs.
2006-08-16 06:14:56 · answer #3 · answered by its me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest i would bite the bullet and leave, your small child will pick up on the arguments and hatred anyway so its better to call it a day and ensure you show the little boy hes loved and cared for and that its not his fault your leaving....maybe a break would help the situation? if its really run its course as a relationship your better off apart, least that way you both get a chance to be happier and so does your child, my parents stayed together untill i was 16 but had been arguing since i was 5 so it was awful, and for a long time i thought it was because of me....its only as ive grown up that you realise why did they go through that for so long....my folks get on soooo much better now there apart and i think it would have been better if theyd done it a long time before they did...as long as you keep regular contact with your son hell know you love him and it will be better in the long run for him and you.
2006-08-16 05:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by sadie 69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right, and playing out this dramatic scenario in front of your son is helpful?
Do what is best for you... and her, and your son. Do you all actually talk? Do you know what's really nagging her? The need underneath the surface, and maybe even deeper.
Have you asked her what is going on... without turning it into a fight? Try that, be honest with each other... let her know what you are feeling. No one needs to be blind sided by a breakup. Heck, I was... it hurt, but in the end I knew I should have let my own marriage go YEARS EARLIER. We women just want to fix everything (laughing)
Anyway, talk to her... get a mediator if you need to. Be honest and do what is best for you. Your son doesn't need two unhappy peopel faking the funk every day. Just be honest
2006-08-16 05:39:59 · answer #5 · answered by SoCal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely need to think about your son whatever your decision regarding his mother, but I don't think having separated parents is any worse than the situation you describe. If you split up try your best to be a positive steady factor in your sons life that he can count on, I think thats the most important thing. And if you are willing to try to fix your problems with your relationship there is always the option of getting counseling. You know more than anyone on here would as to whether you have a chance of salvaging that relationship or not. Good luck.
2006-08-16 05:39:36 · answer #6 · answered by Caroline 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say love is never enough of a reason to marry someone or stay with them. When you decide to leave have things already planned out. Is there verbal / physical abuse between you? Currently abusing any substances? Seeing other people? Listen to your head & not your heart if you want to be in your son's life. I am living on the flip side of your problem. The child would be better off with 2 relaxed parents, who are content in themselves. I truly hope for a good resolution for you all.
2006-08-16 05:39:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems looks like your situation pictures my future though my GF and I never had any heated confrontation yet, I just thought she's getting pregnant because she's been delayed for two weeks already that is why I posted a question as to whether or not getting married should my GF is pregnant. For 16 years, man, that's a crucial sacrifice. Let go and let live a normal life. Sure, a better life is ahead for all of you. Don't get stuck because of the child. You're just letting your child to develop a negative thought for himself. You can be a good father to him even if you're not with him all the time.
2006-08-16 05:52:20 · answer #8 · answered by Bully Charmer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont stay for the kids sake. Kids want to see there parents happy. If your not happy then get out. The longer you wait the harder it gets and the worse it gets. I know man, I have been through it before and now that it is over it is great. You still have to talk to her even though you will be divorce, Remember its not the kids fault. You will just have to talk to her about the kid and that's it. Just make sure you have a good lawyer or if you guys can get the same lawyer if you can agree on things(ONLY) it will save you alot of money. Make sure she has nothing in your name and you have nothing in her name. Things will be better if you do that. You both can steal raise the kid together just in separate houses. Good luck. Make that kid #1 in both of your lives.
2006-08-16 05:39:41 · answer #9 · answered by bigdog_0032 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no way jose, get outta there. the sooner the better for the youngster, they dont understand as much when they are that age she cant do anythin unless your in the wrong for somethin but staying in the relationship could make u a worse father for it if u understand what i mean. he'll always b there and would understand when he is old enough but for god sakes dont ever lose touch with him
hope i can help, u know more bout the situation than me so i care for the youngster n its not nice havin parents yelling at eachother all the time
good luck mate
peace
2006-08-16 05:37:12 · answer #10 · answered by stretchy_baby69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got to think is your son happy with all the arguing going on around him, or do you only argue when he isn't around. You can still see him if you separate, or go to court and try to get full parental responsibility for him, although most courts do let the children stay with the mother unless the mother can be proved as an irresponsible parent
2006-08-20 03:37:58 · answer #11 · answered by sky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋