How does a middle-aged couple moving to a new place make new friends?

Question

How does a middle-aged couple moving to a new place make new friends? We're Jewish but not religious, we don't have kids and don't like them, and we don't know anyone in the area.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

By not religious, we mean that we really have no plans to attend a local synagogue.

We will be moving to Orange County, California (near Anaheim)

Answer 1

We did something very similar five years ago -- moved 700 miles to a new city and state. Here's how we managed to go from knowing two couples in the entire state, to being very active and having a rewarding social life.

The best place to start looking for friends is among people who have at least one shared interest with you. So to begin with, look for places where such people come together. And if it's something you've got a natural passion for, you'll be doing something you enjoy while you're looking for people to enjoy it with.

What are your hobbies and interests? Are there clubs, organizations, or schools/classes in your new location that support those interests? From classic cars to birdwatching, there are probably hundreds of people near your new home who enjoy some of the same things you do. That's a great place to start. Look on the Web (Yahoo! Groups is a good start -- find an email group that shares your interest, and then start asking about people in your area), in the Yellow Pages, and in your local paper.

Does your new community have a big social event coming up? It's the time of year for art-and-wine festivals, summer concert series, car shows and all kinds of outdoor fun, and cities across the country are organizing them in parks and other public spaces. Find a festival, show or event that interests you and head out for a day of fun, but also a day of research. Stop by all the booths, not just for snacks or handmade pottery or whatever they're selling, but to chat with the people behind the booth -- at this point you're looking for leads on activities to pursue in which you might find new friends. Or if the entire event is something you're interested in, talk with the club or group that organized it.

How about social or political causes? Whether you're right, left or center, there's bound to be an organization near you that could use volunteers, even if it's as simple as stuffing envelopes or doing office work. And one thing I've learned is that if you are willing to put yourself to work for a volunteer organization, you'll almost automatically get people in that group to respect and like you. And if you're doing something you believe in, so much the better.

Is there something you've always wanted to learn how to do, but haven't? Take a class -- and take the opportunity to meet other people who are interested in the subject, whether it's Chinese cooking, local history or figure drawing. We just received a catalog of adult-education classes from our local community college, and there are literally hundreds of classes on offer. Most of them are inexpensive, many of them meet in the evenings or on weekends because they're geared toward adults, and they'll be full of people who have at least a passing interest in whatever it is that the class is about.

Wherever you start participating, though, here are some tips to help you get the most out of it:

1 - Mix it up. If you join a car club, mention your interest in Japanese gardening. If you take a class on glass-blowing, chat about wine-tasting. If you're at the art festival, talk about preserving wetlands. I've learned that my best friends are often those who have the most shared interests with me, and besides, this kind of networking can expand your circle of acquaintances and make it more likely that you and your wife will find true, deep friends.

2 - Share your interests and your enthusiasm, but also share your time and your energy. I've learned that I get the most out of organizations and activities that I put the most into. So if you join a club and only read the newsletter, you won't get as much out of it as if you go to the meetings and chat with other members. And if you only go to the meetings, you won't get as much out of them as if you attend the club's events. Then after a while, try hosting an event or chairing a committee -- yes, it's more work, but the rewards are much greater.

3 - Divide and conquer. While it's great for you and your wife to attend fairs and festivals together, don't hesitate to split up -- maybe she wants to learn about raku-glazed pottery while you're in a woodworking class. It expands the circle of people you meet and get to know, but even better, you may find that your best friend is married to your wife's best friend.

4 - Ask and listen. You've already got half of this skill down, you asked this question. So keep it up! Listen to the people you meet in clubs, classes and events -- first because you may well learn about another organization or group that interests you, but more important because you may hear something in what they say that touches you. And THAT is where you'll find your closest friends.

Answer 2

Well, I've tried the senior citizen centers and found that isn't worth the time because most of those people are older than I am (67) and it's too depressing.

You didn't say where you are but I'm 'into' sailing and on the water any day I can get there... which means a nice day because I don't to the heavy weather stuff any longer.

If you're Jewish, perhaps there are some groups available to you through your Synagog.

If there are Senior's mobile home parks in the area, you might stop in at the office and see what activities they have. I've found that I don't necessarily have to be a resident of a particular RV park to take advantage of their pot luck dinners.

There's some things you can do to make yourself noticed. Try some volunteer activity or some community awareness activity... or... get involved with some politicians re-election campaign.

Just remember... you have to be a friend to have a friend.

Hope you find something

Answer 3

We recently relocated and dealt with this same issue. It was a new city neither of us had ever been to, but the job offer was too good.

So, we settled in and explored things we like. Hobbies, cravings, etc. In pursuing our individual and shared interests, we have been able to meet people we get along wonderfully with. By sharing these common interests, there's always something to discuss. Learning about new people is always interesting, and developing friendships while exploring a new city is lots of fun as well.

Whatever your interests are, pursue them in your new surroundings and you'll meet people of similar mindsets.