What you think about this poem...all you poetry lovers?

Question

MANKIND
In its vain battle
To understand
The unknown
While searching
For a truth
Untold.

Mankind,
Where it takes an extinction
Of your own kind
To create
An inspiration
In a world
Insane and blind.

Mankind,
In its ignorant entity
Blind,
Unaware of sweet gravity
..Anchoring us,
A better life
To lead.
A better person,
To be...



The struggles of man
They say
Begin at birth.
Holding us hostage,
Leading us all
To our inevitable death


Mankind,
Where everything
And anything
Comes to place
For a reason
In the nick of time
Be it any season.
Winter summer
Spring and fall
We humans
Shall walk tall
Awaiting the day
Where everything shall cease to exist
And our lives will be gone
Like a shadow,
Lost in the dawning mist.

Roads meet
Voyages merge
To destinations unknown
While we search
Deep within our souls
And everything we own
To satisfy our deepest cravi

Answer 1

Pretty good.Do you want to hear mine.I'm 13 and loves to write love poems.

It's hard

It's hard to understand when
you have your head in the ground

It's hard to understand that
everything is fine when you are away

It's hard to understand everything
that you say when you say it clearly

It's hard to understand that
we are the same but totally two different individuals

It's hard to understand the
two of us are meant to be



Can't you

Can't you see I can only
open my heart for so long

Can't you see when I let
you in you don't open your heart

Can't you see
I'm cryin' in the inside

But you
don't see me cryin'

You don't
let me in your heart

And you don't see
my heart is open for you


Pay attention

Pay attention
to not let me go

Pay attention
to when I love some one ealse

And not you

Pay attention
to your heart

Pay a little attention
to your brain

Pay a little attention
to the future

And pay no attention
to the past

Always pay attention
to us and right now


My name is Chris

My name is Chris
I am three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must me stupid
I must be bad,
What ealse could have made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly
Then maybe mommy
would still want to hug me
I can't do a wrong
I can't speak at all
Or ealse I'm locked up all day long
When I'm awake I'm all alone
The house is ark
My folks aren't home
When mommy does come home
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight
I just heard the car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's bar
I hear him curse
My name is called
I press myself against the wall
I try to hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping
Calls me ugly words,
He says it's my falt that he suffers at work
He slaps and hits me more,
I finally get free and run to the door
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me against the hard wall
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly brocken,
And my daddy continues with more bad words nearly spoken,
"I'm sorry!"I scream
But now it's too late
His face has been twisted
Into an unimagineable shap
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
O please God,have mercy
O please let it end!
And finally he stops
And he heads for the door
While I lay motionless
Spraled on the floor
My name is Chris
I am three,
Tonight my daddy
Murderd me


Will you

Will you understand me
since I understand you

Will you care for me
like I care for you

Will you love me
like I love you

Will you hate me
like I can hate you

Will you take
me by the hand when I fall from the sky

Will you carry
me when I'm weak

Will you always be there
for me,like I can for you


You are blind

You are blind
for not seeing me

You are blind
for not loving me

You are blind
for not listening to me

I am blind
for beleiving you

I am blind
for loving you

I am blind
for listening to your lies

And yet again
I love you

Answer 2

I like it, it starts a bit, dark, then lightens a little.

Your pacing is a bit jarring in the middle, you also break off your 'mankind' theme a bit, otherwise well written.

Written words should have a pattern, a patter to them. Even a good novel will have a flow to the words. Poetry should be what you tried for here, not so much matching a specific pattern, such as a Haiku with it's specific structure, but the words and the meanings create a flow, one reason why reading out loud is always a good way to catch if it works well or not. (Especially someone else doing a ‘cold’ reading out loud.

For instance, using a word that stands out- or a term that makes one stop reading to think about the ideas that word triggers can be in certain circumstances useful- but usually only at the end, otherwise it can be very distracting.

If a reader is in the flow- it's the memory's, the feeling the reader associates with the words that work, if they have to stop reading to think- "Wow, how about that!" It's very hard for them to return to the flow of the work, to get their mind back into ‘it’, the work.

Hard to explain, but within the work it needs to flow and move in it's pacing, like a wave pattern, or a musical scale.

Look at Dr. Seuss, his words flow, yet they are designed to make you pause, to look at the pictures, then think about what you read as you turn the page. Brilliant design to his medium.

Remember, it's not your words and emotion you are after- it's triggering emotion and memories in your reader. If you try to force the reader to see only your own view- with out room or being aware of their own (the reader's) viewpoint and interpretation, the work will not be as effective.

Yes, I know this is a bit of over-analyzing, but that's why effortless writing takes such hard work.

Hope that helps a bit.

Answer 3

I'm going to be honest here. The beauty of poetry is the ability to paint a picture with words.

The phrase that is used is 'show -- don't tell'.

Your poetry shows me nothing but tells everything. It has no imagination.

The subject is good, but try to think of new ways to say what you're saying. Make us see it. Otherwise, it's everything we've already heard with nothing to hold our interest.

For example, try something like "the scream and blood of conception' rather then 'begin at birth' (it's the idea here, not necessarily the exact example)

Keep going though, Poetry is an art. It needs practice and refining. It's never finished.

Answer 4

Muddled. Deep. But less poetry than say observation. Although it is subjective so..

Answer 5

Definitely some talent here.

Answer 6

Wonderful. But you didn't credit the poet.

Answer 7

Who wrote this nice poem?

Answer 8

rather lengthy, but I like it for the most part...who wrote it?

Answer 9

very good

Answer 10

man kind.