I don't know but if you find the answer I will forward it to my daughters father if I find him. Good Luck and your kids are better without the negative influence in their lives
2006-08-16 04:28:53
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answer #1
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answered by atm 2
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Most people that run off and completely disregard their kids after a divorce are either selfish or petty. I say selfish because they don't exactly think about the kids or care where they are or what they are doing or how they turn out. I say petty because sometimes they are so eager to get away from their ex that they totally ignore the kids in the process of avoiding their ex. I met my father for the first time when I was 8 years old. I invited him to every graduation (and I have a lot of degrees so there were plenty of graduations to attend) and my sister invited him to her wedding. He never showed up to any of those events. I was 12 years old the last time I saw him in person. I am now 27. I just really think that he doesn't care. I have tried to reach out to him, but there was never a return of the gesture on his part.
Keep in mind...men are not the only ones to abandon their children after a horrible divorce or breakup. Women can be equally as selfish and petty. There are women that don't pay child support and do bother being in their kids' lives after a divorce or breakup.
2006-08-16 11:32:46
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answer #2
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answered by Meg...Out of Hybernation 6
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The first answer was right - because they are losers. It does seem to be true that "out of sight, out of mind" affects the absentee parent. It is a natural tendency, of course, if one is not constantly reminded of their responsibilities to push them into the background. The fathers who do not have custody tend to come home and are not faced with the demands of parenting (nor the joys) and so they do not dwell on it. The mothers who do have custody are faced with it (sometimes slapped in the face with it) day after day and hour after hour until sometimes it takes on a huge face that blocks out the sun.
It takes a concerted effort between divorced parents to keep the absentee parent involved. The more involved the absentee parent is, the more likely he/she will keep up their financial and parental obligations. Some custodial parents make that very hard - not being flexible or generous with visitation, using children to "punish" the ex for the divorce, competing for the children's esteem and love.....all these things contribute to a situation where the absentee parent just pulls back into his or her own private life.
I don't know your situation, but instead of giving into your most understandable anger, perhaps you might try approaching this lifetime situation a different way (since the current one doesn't seem to be working.) Perhaps creating a weekly report on how the kids are doing, complete with anecdotes about what they say and do, invitations to weigh in on daily, weekly, monthly, yearly decisions, arrange for joint dinners out (you and yours, his and theirs) to form a new extended family that gets along and is involved in each other's lives..... It's hard to do, I admit, but creating a new paradigm rather than succumbing to the old might be better for the children - and you - in the long run.
2006-08-16 11:40:33
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answer #3
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answered by two 4
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Your decision to stay away is the right one. I think the number one reason these guys do that is because as you said, they are losers!! The other reason is that they most likely didn't care about their kids or feel a responsibility to the kids even when they WERE married.
2006-08-16 13:32:58
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answer #4
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answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6
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I second that. My ex told my 17yr old daughter to emancipate herself so he wouldn't have to pay child support for her any more. He thought he was done paying for her next year. He pays support until our second daughter is 22 or emancipated. She is 12. I use to get upset that he does not see them but it is a far better thing that he doesn't. I keep them well rounded by other ways. My ex just gives them grief and gets my oldest one all upset, then it comes back at me. It's not worth it. He use to tell all sorts of lies on me and still is. His mother passed on and now she knows the truth. He acts and talks like he is a wonderful Dad, He is terribly delusional. He pays 316 a month and is required to pay part medical and provide insurance. It is too much a hassle to fool with him on the extras, so we do our best with what we have. My girls are too good for him to mess up. I don't want them to grow up being losers too. lol
2006-08-16 11:47:56
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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really do think every young person should be given a dog or cat for six months to take care, going to vet once a month the whole thing, if in the 6 month period the little thing not been taken care of , then that person should not have a child,a animals is so innocent as a child, there born mean but made the way by the owner
2006-08-16 11:33:44
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answer #6
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answered by ? 7
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You answered your own question in the first line!
This is why there are special child support task forces set up in (I believe) every state in the Union. However, the emotional "rearing" of the child doesn't really matter to the abandoner...if it did, they wouldn't have walked out that door in the first place, right?
As the remaining parent, it is up to that person to raise that child (or children) to the best of their ability - teach them morals, values, love, respect, affection, consideration, kindness, compassion and YES, responsibility!
2006-08-16 11:30:48
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answer #7
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answered by Brutally Honest 7
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the reason they blow off responsibility is because, so often, the court strips them of that responsibility. the court often takes a man's pride and joy, his children, and gives them to the mother, without question or investigation of the child's wellbeing, and then grants the man maybe one day a week. its not enough. and a man feels so crippled, so handcuffed by the american legal system and the child's mother that he feels the less his involvement, the less problems he will have with the MOTHER, not the CHILD.
2006-08-16 11:30:09
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answer #8
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answered by begeeman13 6
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They don't care about nobody but them selves.They have kids and walk away with no responsibilities while the women are faced with raising the kids,working,cooking,cleaning and etc.Don't worry when your kids become wealth and well known he'll be back for a hand out.
2006-08-16 11:43:33
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answer #9
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answered by missmadhatter 3
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I agree that many men do not take responsibility for their actions adn do not pay child support. Although my father did not pay required child support, I learned a lesson and I did pay child support. Unfortunately, there are also many women who abuse child support and think the money is for them instead of support for the child. it is a two-way street and abused on both sides. There are laws for those that do not pay child support, but no laws for those who do not use the money correctly...go figure...
2006-08-16 11:30:34
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answer #10
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answered by rando_59 2
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It seems to me that most men forget about their kids when they quit sleeping with the kids' mom. I wish I knew the answer to that. For one thing MOST men are selfish. Most men only wanted kids because their wives or girlfriends wanted them. The whole "family" scene is cool until something "better" comes along. Be prepared, nearly every man out there is always looking for something "better". And who suffers? Their children.
2006-08-16 12:17:11
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answer #11
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answered by Rhoe 2
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