We're all hurting from a recent separation from their father. My eldest is not doing his schoolwork and wants to hang around with his friends often. I pray he won't rebel and become a delinquent.
2006-08-16 04:11:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was divorced a year ago. I have 3 sons, no girls. My boys are 13, 11, and 8. It has been hard not having their dad around on a daily basis. But I can tell you this much: As hard as it is for them they see that our home is spiritual again and it is happy as well. My 13 yo doesn't share his feelings with me, but we talk about honesty, integrity, moral correctness, and how to be a man. He listens and then he goes about understanding what it all means. They all 3 have a great relationship with him and I encourage that. What you don't want to do is have them get even the slightest whiff of you 2 fighting. that is the worst thing separated or divorced parents can do. I swallow my tongue when I hear from my kids that they had to take cold showers at dads cause the power was off, or that I can't call them to say goodnight because the phone was disconnected. He is and will always be the dad. Remember that and your sons will thank you. Not so much with actual words but with the way they live their lives as adults.
2006-08-16 04:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by TotallylovesTodd! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take control and stop the decision making by your sons. Their father should still be a positive influence on them and help you keep them on the right path. The friction between the two of you does not have to dampen the male guidance the ex can provide.
Set the rules and enforce them. No going out until the homework is done and any problems at school should result in loss of privileges. If you do not take charge now the future will be very bad..
If the father is not able to do his role a different male model can fill in some gaps and the school consular and Your clergy member can.
2006-08-16 11:26:08 · answer #2 · answered by mr conservative 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is to try and keep the lines of communication open. Pay close attention to your sons needs. If they are not willing to talk about how they are feeling, keep telling them how much they are loved and that your here if they ever need to talk. Boys are so different in that they dont like to share what they are thinking or feeling. Just knowing your there and willing to listen will help. Also, make a real effort not to talk negatively about their father within ear shot. Try like heck to keep your relationship with their father as positive as possible.
2006-08-16 11:17:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing how you think its ok for a 14 year old to drink alchohol ( check the other questions this user has asked), I think the best thing for him would be for you to put him up for adoption. Then YOU should take a long walk off a short peir. You are the reason we should have an application process for having kids.
2006-08-16 11:32:57 · answer #4 · answered by cottoneyej31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may be tough but keep a strong hand at home, it is dificult to do but you are their mother, and regardless what you do they will love you. if your son is not coping well with it give him a little time but keep an eye on him, if he tells you that he is going somewhere let him go then a little later go to where he said he would be, it may be a bit invasive, and he may complain but talk to him, let him know how you feel, let him know that his life isnt over because of the break up. but as said above in the other answers you have to keep yourself strong in the process good luck
2006-08-16 11:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a tough job ahead but nothing you can't manage by giving them plenty of love and understanding. Be the parent and a friend. Counseling for all of you could help as well. You'll do fine!
2006-08-16 11:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my mom and dad divorce didn't know why. until 18 years old found out that it was mistake to have me.. so mom put me agaist my dad and dad put me against my mom. All I want for them to love me be there for me.. nope they were tooo busy getting at eachother.
Now I am married and I know what need to be worked on the marriage and I really enjoy my family wife and kids alot.. Like others said keep the commucation line open and make sure you tell him every day that you love him and sorry for it to happen. Let him know that you can talk to me about anything. You are my son and I do anything to help you and listen to you... I will not say anthing bad about your father. Because it not my place to judge your father at all. I just be there for you and you dad loves you too.
Let him know feel free to talk to me anytime... so he will see tha tyou being there for him and later he will notice that father not being there and being neg. about you .. he will want to be with you because you listen and being there for him. and He will see that... don't give up and keep on going. smiling. if your son want to see his dad let him. do what he want to do and he will see what he see. I had see for myself and wow, I didn't want to be with any my mom or dad ..... they don't love me at all. so Made my own family and learn alot of loves.
2006-08-16 12:07:16 · answer #7 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pull yourself up by your own boot straps and they will follow. If you are strong and well adjusted they will be able to relax a little and move forward. They will know they can count on you and trust your guidance.
2006-08-16 11:18:49 · answer #8 · answered by Madeamove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋