sex is ruining my relationship! help!!!?

Question

I am 36 and my b/f whom I have been living with for over 3 yrs just turned 50. He doesn't look or act his age socially. My problem is that when we first met our sex life was just about every night the first 3 months but as time went on it slowly became less often(every 2 weeks) but this past year it has become almost obsoleet to only being once a month. He says he isn't cheating and I do believe him, but I am still concerned about our relationship.I am worried our relationship will end up with a no sex relationship. He holds me while we sleep but thats as far as it goes.Nothing I do to spice up the mood works!I love him but I don't know how long I can go on like this. I would never cheat on him or have even thought about it but, I am becoming more grouchy towards him because it has been so long and I am afraid my grouchiness is going to be the cause to the end of us!

Answer 1

What you have to understand first of all is that you are 14 years yonger than he is, so his body is older. When a man hits his late 40s and early 50s, hes body is changing, so he might be having some trouble. When I say this am not joking at all, but have you looked into Viagra? Maybe he has ED and needs some help in that erea. Guys cant help it when it happens it just does. Also, there are great herbs he can take that can help him out, you can find them at your local drug store, walmart or whatever. But like horny goat weed works well and other things
talk to him about
see if he does have a problem down there

Answer 2

I know the situation you are in, and it is very possible that he is not cheating you, but now that the first time of crazy love is over (what took a big deal of his energy) then he is behaving naturally.
Of course is easy to generalize, but the youngest the more frequent sexual relation is needed. A man in his 50 starts slowing down considerably and for that problem Viagra is not a solution, since what they miss is the wish to make love and not always the ability. It is a matter of mentality, another way of thinking that starts giving more importance to have peace at home and fight outside in their work. The energy starts lowering, blame Mother Nature. He is getting old, whether he likes it or not, and other concerns are occupying his attention more than having sexual relationship.
Probably if you talk with him, he will have a difficult time to understand you, since he changed his mind.
If this is your situation, then you do have a few options to get your sex life awake: buy some "toys" if you can't cheat him, get used or just be honest and talk to him straight to the point. Even though if this is hard to accept, a difference of 14 years at your lifetime is huge, the main hormonal changes are happening for men and women between their 45 and 55 years.
Just think in what you really wish from life, and be more realistic. Sometimes it is simply not possible to have it all. Sometimes it is not fair to keep on being so rigid in your principles if all the rest is doing so well.
Believe me, I understand you.
Just be strong and think it over,
Fro

Answer 3

Wow. A lot of good advice here. I like all the foreplay Ideas. The lingere, strudding around the house, the dirty talk, fondeling, whip cream, cigars, rubber chickens, heck, even the porno. And of course there is the Viagra ideas. The consuling idea looks great too. From this you should have a toolboox of ideas to pursue.

Its premature to think its cheating. There should be other signs with that. I'd hate to think that being 50 means that the sex drive decreases to under once a month. Thats an aweful thought to entertain as a man gets older.

However there were a couple of things I did not notice. One is communication. Did you voice your concernts with him? How did he react? Does he think theres any problem? Does he want to work on anything? How does he feel about getting any type of help? Does the idea of getting any help for mr. not-so-happy not a rub him the right way?

BTW, I had to get help with that years ago. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

If he is open to looking into solutions, wonderful! It shows that you have a great level of understanding. This could very well be a physilogical issue.

When men age, they can lose testostrone. Testosterone can increase sexual activitiy. The next time he goes to his personal physician, he should have a testosterone level done. Its covered by insurance as long as its not done on a 'routine basis' but to treat a problem like 'malaise and fatigue'. If he does have those issues, that could be a part of it. A normal testosterone reading ranges from 300-700.

If this doesn't work, there are also herbal remedies. To maintain sexual stanima there is Yohimine bark. To increase desire, there is horny goat weed. Its also important to get a healthy level of Zinc, Vitamin C, and water in his diet. These suppliments are available at any Vitamin store.

The bottom line is that you both need to work on this together, have open, non judgemental communication (nothing ruins foreplay like performance judgement), and to be ready to work on it at all ends needed. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 4

The simplest solution would be to read him exactly what you wrote here. Let him know that this is a serious problem that is not going to go away on its own.

Is he taking any medications that impede sexual performance or libido? Does he have any circulatory conditions or diabetes? Is he under an inordinate amount of stress? Is there a gap between the two of you emotionally ? Is there something serious bothering him that he feels he can't share with you?

Just turned 50, eh? That also might explain a bit. Whatever you do, don't point any fingers. With the considerable gap in your ages, perhaps he's worried that "now that he's *gasp* 50" and "getting on in years" [rolling my eyes] you won't want him. In other words, it could be a delayed mid-life crisis.

He needs to understand that you DO indeed want him! He needs to know what it is about him that you so enjoy. Remind him that he's a virile and sexually attractive man, and that he's just your type.

For what it's worth, there are plenty of women out there who prefer older men to younger. Myself included. Something about wisdom and prowess that can only be gained by experience. Those "young puppies" have got nothing on the laid-back confidence of a man who's been around the block a time or two. Now that's a REAL alpha-male.

Answer 5

I can relate to this question. I was in the same predicament several years ago. My mother is a nurse and she told me some things. She told me that as men get into their 40's things slow down, by the time they hit their 50's they maybe will be able to once a month. My ex went to the doctor and got medication. But you take your chances there too. The doctor informed my husband that the medication isn't going to make it happen, it just makes the path more open to happen. I think in the last two years we were married maybe four times. It just seems to me as they get older and things stops working they are appeased to just be near us. It is harder on the partner. Has he had a check up to make sure he is ok otherwise?

Answer 6

I have the same problem although Im 10 years younger than you and have 40 year old almost 50 Im married to him though. Anyways the way I get him into sex is you tell him how good he looks and you talk dirty. You touch his package and you touch him and kiss it. Do strip tease. Excercise and make him excercise. Excercise can make a man get his groove on. Make him some oysters or Mushrooms Aphrodisiac. Take him out for fish that will make him feel all warm inside. Make him a Romantic dinner. Candlelight, put some Jazz music to set the mood. Dont give it all for free you've got to get married. Thats why he hasn't appreciated it. It feels better to and sex is so much better when your married to the one your love.

Answer 7

Get some sexy lingerie and walk around the house in it in front of him he'll jump on the band wagon. Older men don't need as much sex as the younger ones do. Apparently he appreciates more in your relationship than just sex. Once a month is not often enough though. Try initiating sex when you want it, he might think you don't want to if he always starts things. If I didn't start things we'd never have sex. I have asked him why he doesn't come to me(cause it would be nice) and he says he likes it when I come to him, it turns him on. The point of this rambling was if you want it, get it. You'll be happier than going without, waiting for him to start things.

Answer 8

Welcome to my world.. Be careful if you ask to sexy of questions on here the crazy women show up and call you names. I think it is because they are self-righteous and feel that anyone with a large sex drive is to horny for the web. I think that I could write a dissertation on this but it is just that he is stressed or busy or any of the other crap answers that people give you so let me give you a peace of real insight... He is not horny for you. It took me a lot of hard (all puns intended) thinking before I just realized that she doesn't want me like I want her. I would be lying if I told you that I think that I love her as much as if I would if our sex life was good. I am still in love with her but to tell you the truth I feel lied to and trapped more than loved. I notice that you are not married, cut your loses and run. do not listen to these idiots that say, "there is more to a relationship than sex." Life is short enjoy it girlfriend...

Answer 9

Try a dinner one on one, i am 31 and so is my hubby, we have 3 samll childen at home, we don't know what sex life is, it has became 2 times a month just like ours, but, I find my self after putting the kids to bed, making small dinners with candles and a hot bath for him, than a movie, It works........... try it

Answer 10

He may have something physical going on. Has he been checked for type 2 diabetes or E.D.??? My brother ended up with diabetes and he had alot of sexual problems, which his wife of 10 yrs. left him for!!!! B***h!! It's sad to think that people have to depend on sex to make their lives complete. If I never had sex again I wouldn't care, I just love being with my hubby. Let me ask you this.What if he was in a car accident and became a paraplegic and couldn't have sex, would you leave him then????