How can we deal with a sulking roommate?

Question

A (ex?)friend of mine invited my boyfriend and I to move into the spare room of her apartment when her old roommate moved out. This person was hardly ever at home, and my friend got used to having the place more or less to herself.

Ever since we moved in, she has been sulking and angry. When we asked her why, she said she feels her space is being invaded and she feels unwelcome in her apartment. She said her and I were never friends anyway, so why should her silence bother us?

She has very few friends and shows signs of depression. We have tried to include her and talk to her, but now end up spending most of the time in our room to get away from her. This is also because she watches TV all day, every day and does not want us to talk while she is watching. We can't move out until December.

I understand her life is different now that we are here, but we pay more than half the rent and also live there. Should we confront her or feel sorry for her and let her be?

Answer 1

OoOoOh, I can see why she's angry, I hate people and love space and privacy. If I were you, I'd ignore her, you can't make her happy, so don't waste your time. Don't let this ***** be a black cloud in your life. December isn't that far away. Spend time out, and don't let her see that her affect is bothering you.... otherwise it satisfies her. She is a *****, nothing you can do about it. Ignore, ignore, ignore. :)

Answer 2

I think it sounds like you've done all you can. I don't think it's only about her space being invaded, though. I think it's likely that she's also jealous of your relationship. You and your boyfriend are right there in front of her all the time, being happy together... it's possible that she can hear you at night, when you.... YOU know. You don't mention a boyfriend in her life, so maybe all those ways that a normal young couple act in their home (her home!) bother her because it's not her. Who knows?

But you and your boyfriend definitely need your OWN space to be together without feeling like you're cramping someone's style or that YOUR style is being cramped. Relationships are tough enough without that kind of pressure!

Options to do this: (1) Find someone to "sublease." This person would take over your responsibility by moving in from now till December. (2) Stick it out till December, but tell your friend that you'll definitely be moving on. If she asks why, tell her that you and your boyfriend just need your own space. Don't make it about her behavior, even though it is.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Things like this should never be left alone. She sounds like a loner. Talk to her personally, without your boyfriend, just a girl to girl talk and tell her that eventhough she says that you are not her friend, she is still your friend.

Normally these type of people just need more persuasion.

One time, a friend of mine wanted to jump down the window because she just broke up with her boyfriend. Prior to that, she was acting moody and grumpy and was crying all the time. When i asked she wouldn't answer and said i would not understand. So i was pretty much hurt and angry 'coz she was acting like a baby.

So, that day, she said she wanted to jump down. I stood next to her and said, " Go ahead. Go and jump."

With that, she started bawling all over again and started to spill it.

Not sure if this tactic will help your friend but just be firm but not pushy.

All the best!

Answer 4

It seems that a few respondes stroked the answer to this question.
Your roomie is not qualified to live with anyone, to be a friend, or to be around people who are doing what "normal" people do.
She needs help and until she gets it and does the work this problem will not end.
Unless you are a psychologist you are not qualified to help her.
The thing that is your issue is: You need a place to live. The people around you in that living environment are expected to be healthy or at least health-fully contributive to you and your life. She is not, such as a leaky roof would not be good, or leaky drains or sparking ceiling lights.
Speak to her, tell her you will not subject yourself to the adversity she is creating and tell her you will plan to move by two weeks if she does not assist in improving the situation.
Then....if the situation does not improve-which it probably won't- move.

Answer 5

Well, be grateful Dec is only 3 1/2 mo's away. It could be alot worse. Sounds like she needs her space. maybe she should move into a bachelor apt. where her rent will be much less and she will have her privacy. Maybe after she's lived alone for a while, she will then decide if that is for her or not. Be kind to her and let her know that if and when she wants to talk, you'll be there for her. She sounds like she needs someone to talk to, be a good listner, let her vent.

Answer 6

I think you should talk to her and try to become her best friend..
some people need help inside but they can't express it because of personal problems such as past life traumas, mental, emotional disorders .etc. These things can only be experienced by the individual inside and you will never find out until you ask her to be more open to you to discuss her own feelings and emotions. Sometimes you cannot judge someone just by their awkward behaviours.
If you are finding it uncomfortable to be her friend then you should seek help from a psychologist. ( I know this cost Money) but you can go to psychology research clinic at your local University and talk to someone studying their masters degree in behaviour science and research psychology..perhaps they can provide you with free advice.
It sounds like your roommate needs help and you may the only force that can help her. Understand that psychological and emotional disturbed patients do not acknowledge their symptoms and would refuse help from psychiatric /psychology assistance. You may be the only one that can help her now.
Try to be friend with her and ask her why she is feeling this way. If she shows signs of depression and abnormal behavour then you should help her to seek professional assistance. You may be saving a life if she shows potential signs of suicidal attempts in the future.

Answer 7

You tried....now it's time to just leave her alone...and yes- feel sorry for her. Maybe she is a bit envious of what you guys have with each other....Don't let her moods affect you, but tell her that if she doesn't stop giving you guys an attitude...you will explain to the landlord why it's necessary for you guys to leave earlier than December...or why again are you guys stucked there until December? You didn't specify this part. It's a form of emotional abuse what she's doing. Move out asap....and feel sorry for her from a distance.

Answer 8

My opinion.. although fully unqualified.is that she was their first there. This probabably gives her some psychological ownership of the apartment. Chances are the lease is in her name too??? So you are 'visitors' by most definitions. Visitors shouldn't stay to long or things will always get awkward. I suggest you move out.. Find a place where you and your boyfriend can stake claim as your own. Get free from the sulky environment. It will help all three of you.

Answer 9

y hold it from her she 1st of all need a some 1 to set her right, u pay the majority of the rent y cant u feel as if u realy live there she has issuse and if she cant bend. u need to take that money ur giving her and get a room with the kitchenett in it . i mean come on what do she want ? to get half her bills paid and keep u caged in like rats

Answer 10

Is the canines ok? Any issues respiration? Any issues seeing? Mace would be detrimental. i might checklist Roomie's BF to the business enterprise to blame for imposing animal ordinances - frequently the animal administration or animal centers branch. Does RBF pay any hire? Is he on the apartment contract? If no longer, then you certainly particular can get him out of the abode. Ask your community regulation enforcement for a restraining order against him. If Roomie desires to cuddle with BF then she would be able to pass to his place. i may be very frightened that neither of those human beings sense any compassion for an animal in soreness and scared. What else will Roomie enable BF to do? Rape you? Shoot your canines? Is she so susceptible and needy that she is keen to share her genitals with an animal abuser? Do you easily need to proceed this friendship?