Is it normal for my husband to have explicit chats/emails/contacts with other women?

Question

We have been married 5 yrs now and have a toddler.He is very loving,caring and normal.Only problem is he likes porn,topless shows,topless beaches,always looks at other women.I cried a lot initially and told him it makes me insecure and upset and ever since he has been discreet about it.I began accepting it as something all men normally do.I thougth the baby would change him.Then last week, I came upon an email id of his that he uses to subscribe to some site where he can meet women and exchange pictures,email or chat and all.I dont think these women are innocently finding a date because one of his emails read " I am 32 year old married man".I couldn't see the kind of pictures they exchange since he walked in then. My question to the men "would you do this if you love your wife?Is this just some kind of entertainment you like?" My question to the women "would you tolerate this,forgive him and let him outgrow this phase? Would you make some serious decisions?"

Just wanted to thank all you for your support and kind answers.(At first, I almost believed what peace said)

Answer 1

I would make some serious decisions and I wouldn't feel I am the blame for the fetishes of my spouse.

Neither will I accept or condone behavior that is unhealthy to my marriage. This doesn't seem like a phase he's going through this is just his fetish.

It's not about enough sex or lack of sex that forces someone to need porn or topless beaches its just what the person likes to indulge in but if he's my husband, I will not tolerate such disrespect of my marriage.

If I am married to a man, I am suppose to be the only woman he need to view in a sexual nature and if he need more, I suggest he go elsewhere because I deserve better respect out of my spouse.

If he wants to live like a bachelor, he need to be one but as long as he is married, he is suppose to act like he is and respect his vows.

Answer 2

Forget "Peace's" stupid response. This is NOT your responsibility. You could be "giving him sex" every night of the week, and he'd still be into pornography. It isn't because there's something lacking in you....however there is something HUGE lacking in him.

Pornography is more than looking at dirty pictures. He is changing how he thinks about life, about you, about himself, and about what constitutes "normal". Most men who are into pornography become abusive (verbally and/or physically), because there's porn is about more than sex. It's about violence, it's about demeaning and humiliating others, and it's about perversion.

If anyone tells you this is "normal" (including your husband) they're idiots. If anyone tries to tell you this is your fault, then they're worse than a fool.

There is no love for you or himself in what he's doing. And pornography is addictive like a drug...it usually takes more and more perversion to get the same "kick" as you did initially, which is why people who are heavily into pornography frequently start exhibiting signs of violence or abuse. How do you think child molesters get started? Porn is also a HUGE part of the gay/lesbian lifestyle for a reason. They're not into porn because that's who they are....they're who they are because they're into porn. Does that make sense?

In other words, I'm saying you can't put something before your eyes and in your ears and obsess with it on your mind all the time and it not start influencing how you behave. You've told him how you feel and you have your answer. (He has no regard for how it makes you feel or how it hurts you.)

Yes, I would make serious decisions. If you want a home life that is free from deceit and trash and a husband who is devoted to you, then you and he need to reach some new understanding and probably seek some serious counseling. I'm not going to tell you to leave him, but don't think this will go away on it's own.

If you're willing to put up with it, then continue to let him "be discreet". But don't ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever let anyone tell you this is your fault, due to a lack of sex from you, or something "normal" that men just typically do. Because it is deadly, destructive, and addictive.

Answer 3

This goes far and beyond scouting the internet for nude pictures. ALl men like to see anything naked, but he is actually having contact with these women. This is not acceptable for a married man. You need to step in and put a stop to this. If he intends on being a cheater then you need to decide if this si something you are willing to tolerate in your marriage.

Answer 4

He is 32. He isn't going to "outgrow" it.

I wouldn't have a problem with him looking at topless sites, but making contact with individuals is another story. That is unacceptable.

The upside is that he isn't going to get any real "dates" from these women. They are professionals who get paid. There is no land o' women just waiting to get topless for free for married men. That is wishful thinking on his part.

Answer 5

I have to agree to some regard that he may not be getting enough at home to keep him happy...Then there are other men that are just never happy enough with what they have. The fact that he is chatting, exchanging pics, and emailing is probably not a good sign...Better check his phone bill, and cell phone bill It is my bet he is calling them to. I know because my husband did it also. Phone sex included. It was really pretty lame, when I walked into our family room late one evening pleasuring him self with another woman on web came. When I found out it was far to much for me to get over, see if you can nip it in the butt now before it is to late. My husband was already cyber addicted to the thrill of the unknown and new...
Good Luck...And if worse comes to worse and you have to move on...There are alot of wonderful people out there for you. These type of situations are never easy...and they usually never can be outgrown.

Answer 6

no way should you be trying to compete with porn or professional topless shows. it is a disgrace to you and you child that your hubby does this. sounds like he has an addiction and he needs help. this is not what all men do. it is the next best thing to cheating. do not put up with this. you can never be good enough for him if he compares you to these other women, they are coached and edited.

Answer 7

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Looking at pictures on porn. sites is one thing, but actually exchanging dialogue with women is another. That's CHEATING.
He needs to stop. Some people only define cheating as engaging in physical contact with someone, however, I (and other smart, self-respecting people) define it as engaging in an emotional, social relationship with others.
Btw...the first and third people who answered are disgusting pigs. I'm sure you have the sense to ignore the ignorant.

Answer 8

Honey, I want to tell you that your not alone. My finance' does the same things. He says its just for fun, for entertainment. I think he has a problem. BUT as long as he is home with me every night, then Im not going to worry. Men are weird and dont think the same as woman do, "do as I say , not as I do" type of bullshit. Just keep an eye out sweetie

Answer 9

I would be totally upset with my husband if he did this. It isn't normal to talk and carry on with other women, that in my eyes is a form of cheating. I would tell him this, give him time to explain and STOP and if you found out he was doing it again, I would leave because he obviously has issues. He is totally disrespecting you and your feelings.

Answer 10

Been there - was just fun for him at first then after the kids came along he became obsessed, worst part was he was using my computer account and pretending to be me to meet gay women - to have online encounters, put a stop to it if you can it will only get worse if you don't