Five years ago when I was 18 I started a relationship with a 23 year old, who happened to be married for three years and had two year old daughter... The relationship was/is purely sexually, problem is...
I recently realised I am in love with him.... and I do not know what to do now!
2006-08-16 02:54:27 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
BOO HOO HOO - LOSER
2006-08-16 02:58:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 6⤋
Number one you did NOT mess up. There is nothing wrong with a purely sexual relationship with someone, and what you did is perfect for most 18 year olds. Congratulations.
Number two -- I don't believe it is purely physical. I think there is an emotional component. It may be just deep friendship, but there is something.
Now, go watch Brokeback Mountain if you haven't -- and use it as a catharsis -- then sit back and think about things. What you need to do will become clear in your mind in the stillness, and for all I OR YOU know, that may be continuing what you have. If there is deep friendship and a long term commitment to being friends and having sex -- that's more than a lot of people, gay or straight, ever have -- so who knows, it might be worth it.
Good luck.
Kindest thoughts,
Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
2006-08-16 03:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's always the problem when you entangle yourself with someone that's married. You want more, but the person may not be willing to give more.
You really have three options:
1. Tell him you love him and wait for the answer. It might be good, it might be bad. If it's good, how will you feel if he leaves his wife for you? Guilt, remorse? If it's bad, he won't leave his wife, you've got a broken heart.
2. Don't tell him and continue the purely sexual relationship. You'll further distance your heart from your body. I do not suggest this.
3. Break it off. If you don't, you're only looking for heartache.
You should have prepared yourself from the beginning for this, because it was a likely possibility. Now it's a decision... do you do the morally right thing and break it off, or be selfish and try to take him from his wife?
2006-08-16 03:12:31 · answer #3 · answered by mommy_mommy_crappypants 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok well you should have known that this was about to happen, and it's easier for everyone to say get over it or move on but i know it's not that easy especially when you fall in love...
Now you have been involved with him for about 5 years so it's a lot of time invested even though it is purely sexual, so it's hard to just let that go, but my advise to you is that if nothing has changed in 5 years why would it change now? even if you tell him your in love with him for you really think he would leave his wife and kid? so you can do one of two things... you can stay in this sex only relationship or you can try to move on... because it's not really worth you loosing more years of your life doing the same thing with no change...but if he is all for it then Hey...i always say YES to love
2006-08-16 03:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by T@J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must be going through a really hard time at the moment, when u start feeling something for someone its meant to be special, and if hes married it kinda takes the shine off.
What i would do is talk to him, explain that this is now must than just sex. You never know he may feel the same but needs to know where you stand before he makes a decision.
There is also the chance that he will say that he loves his wife and child and u r just a plaything for him. If this is the case its gunna be hard but at least you know where you stand.
You cant wait and hope your still young and will be able to find someone else that you have these feeling for. Confront the issue and then move on with your life as best you can with what the answer your given is
I hope it all works out for you.
L x
2006-08-16 03:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by uclanstudent06 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the world of the "other woman". Well, in your case, the other man.
He's not going to leave her, and I hope you know that. I'm not trying to be rude, but it's pretty much a fact. If he wanted to be out and have relationships with men, he would be openly gay.
I know that this is going to be a hard time for you. It always is, when love is at stake. The thing is, though...you need to tell him how you feel....because you're not going to feel right until you do. But then you have to be prepared to hear him say that, while he may even have the same feelings for you, he won't leave his family.
I wish I knew how to make this easier for you. I really don't. It's going to be hard, and messy. But be honest with yourself, and with him and it will help over time.
Something else to consider is this. What would happen to his wife and daughter if he leaves them, or if they found out, and left him? That's still his kid, and he's (if he's any kind of father) going to put her first.
I could be wrong about all this. It could be that if you tell him, he will leave his wife and be with you. Statistically, it's not probable, though. And if he's going to cheat with her, why wouldn't he cheat with you?
2006-08-16 05:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Autumn BrighTree 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the problem in reverse. I was married and fell in love with the man I was having a sexual relationship with. I divorced my wife and moved in with him. Our relationship lasted 9 1/2 years. I assume your friend does not plan on leaving his family. You need to move on to someone who is not married or involved with anyone.
2006-08-16 04:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by Mark F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you and you b/f are doing is wrong. You are both damaging a marriage and he is lying to his wife. He needs to commit to his marriage or end it and be with you. He has been unfaithfulto her and when she finds out, it is going to rock her world. How will she ever trust another man? You two need to sit down and discuss what you are doing and what your relationship truly is. Make a decision and a commitment. He needs to clean up his act. He had a good chance of losing custody of his daughter if she is really bitter. That is too steep a price to pay for sex.
2006-08-19 23:42:37 · answer #8 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry this happened, but it was inevitable. You can't keep having sex with someone over and over and not have some emotional bonding. It may be a little easier for him, because he's also having sex with his wife. And..not to jump to conclusions, he is likely having sex with others, if he cheats on here, why wouldn't he also cheat on you?
Because you love him, you have shown your need and desire to be loved. You have to tell him and if he can't make some decisions in life about being honest about who he is, you have to break it off, and move on. The next man you find should be someone who is actually available. People who fall in love with unavailable types tend to do it over and over again. Don't fall into that trap.
2006-08-16 09:14:58 · answer #9 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, married man? you should know better. he wont leave anyone for you if it started off purely sexual, dont even think he might grow feelings for you. it will all end in tears!and the tears will be yours. he has comprimised his daughters future happiness, and if you helped him cheat then someone is more than likely to help him cheat on you. get out while you can an get over it.
2006-08-18 01:46:32 · answer #10 · answered by BOB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way: you are being part of a relationship that WILL ultimately hurt the innocent woman and child. The man you are with is not being responsible in his decision, and completely disregarding the negative effect of your affair on his marriage. I advise you to STOP seeing this man, for at one point you will want him to choose. You will have to choose between a possible long-term happiness with him or breaking up a family.
2006-08-16 04:27:28 · answer #11 · answered by Kookoo Bananas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋