80% of Spouses having affairs go back to their marriages. Why? Would you take him/her back?

Question

Only personal experiences please. I have ready every book on the subject over coffee at Borders. I wonder if these people even know. ( Like Dr. Spock never had any kids.) Ha! (Still trying to keep my sense of humor here.)

Personal experiences, please. No Dr. Spocks. Thanks.

Answer 1

When there are many reasons not to take him back~ He'll probably cheat again. My husband has cheated and he keeps going back to the same woman even when he's caught and knows he is going to get hung in the divorce. Not everyone is the same however. People do make mistakes and can truly turn their marriage around.. It's hard to trust someone when they cheat but people have blind faith. Hey that' s a Warrant song.

Answer 2

Okay well you want personal experiece.
I have been threw it and had a child at the time, you kind of have hopes that you can work things out, or that things will change.
You kind of stuff all the bad feelings and grit your teeth in hopes that the person who cheated has learned that their true feelings are for you and no one else, and that they won't do it again.
However you get to a point where if your feelings pop up later on in the relationship, it may not last and you may find yourself being a single parent in the end.
Sometimes its the fear of change and the unknown that keeps us in the middle of something that we would normally wouldn't put up with any other time.
good luck and god speed.
I am not a Dr. Spock. I have and am going threw some really ruff times ahead, but I pray that I have the strength to do what I need to do.

Answer 3

You don't take them back because once a cheater always a cheater.
And for these women that say well he was cheating with me but he divorced her and married me so it wont happen to me.........don't fool yourself into thinking that.
If he can do it to one woman he can do it to any woman.
You are no more special then the first woman that he cheated on. At the time he married her, she was the love of his life, the one he promised to love, honor and cherish...............just like he has promised with you.

When you cheat, your marriage has lost the trust, the commitment, the honor, the promise, the integrity, the communication, it has lost every thing that matters and everything that it takes to make a marriage work.

Your can swear and promise all day long that you will never do it again........and that promise doesn't mean **** because the trust is gone, you will always live with the thought in the back of your mind that he will do it again. And that is not the way a marriage is suppose to be.

Answer 4

Maybe, those cheaters are having regrets, and they truly love their spouses . There are no answers for this, because it really depends on the individuals. Some people are more fogiving than others. Some can't handle the hurt they have been through and would not be able to live a happy live after an affair. It's all in someones heart. Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes and learn from them. I would not take somebody back if he/she was cheating with my best friend. Forget it!

Answer 5

People have affairs because something in the marriage is lacking. So, first assumption is that people got married in the first place because the other person had that mysterious "something"...call it karma, balance, whatever. I see an affair as an opportunity to grow the original relationship, providing that BOTH of the people involved want to make it work, are willing to be totally up front and honest about why the one had an affair and the one who had the affair is willing to apologize and eat humble pie until the trust factor is back. Yeah, I'd take her back.

Answer 6

Yes,i did! I took back my first spouse a couple of times and he finally got someone pregnant and thats when i left, it was what broke the camels back, you know!!! Now my second spouse had affair 3 yrs ago, i always said i didn't want to go through that agian, a cheating spouse,someone i couldn't trust, you know!! But i went through it again and i stayed and forgave him! I pray he want do it again, but i don't worry about it, i have learned that if it happens i will deal with it then,not now, God has given me peace with that! You can't be happy and worry about what if they do it again!! Life's a chance, and sometimes you have to take a chance if you really love someone, even when everybody else will tell you not to take him back!! People will tell you " If my husband had an affiar,I would not take him back"" and they swear to it, but let me tell you, " They don't know what they would do UNTIL they went through it themselves !!!! Nobody does, and One Day they Just might EAT their WORDS!!! And take him back too !! So it depends on you and how you feel and the situation!! You have to look out for yourself FIRST OF ALL !! Everybody deserves a CHANCE , One TIME !! we are all human and not PERFECT< and there is NO PERFECT MAN!! or woman!! It could of been a mistake you never know, if not he will do it agian!! Its all in the Chance you take!!! And how he treats you! My spouse is good to me and doesn't beat me,,, You have to consider alot of things like this!!! Does he work?? Does he provide for you?? Would he pick you first? Can you depend on him and you know it??? Alot of things to think about!! Good luck if you are going through this!!

Answer 7

I am afraid I could never take back a spouse or boy friend who cheated on me. I do have a little pride, and if I was not good enough I may not be good enough another time in the future.

I believe in complete trust and honesty with your partner. If that trust is broken, there is not way it can be repaired. I let my partner know this from the beginning of a relationship, so there is no excuse for cheating.

Answer 8

I would take my ex-husband back if I knew for sure he would never betray me again. Right now he is still chasing his baby mamma. He thinks I don't know. I still llove him, but he is not ready to see the thruth about this other woman. He keeps telling me to let him "find himself" when he is really trying to establish a life with her. He thinks I will stay on the sidelines if it doesn't work out with this other woman. Some men learn from their mistakes, others just continue messing everything up. I don't have too much hope in my Ex.

Answer 9

Yeah I would take him back. Why start all over with sumone else when u have invested so much in that person. The majority of men cheat. They have booty calls. The way we have to look at it, we all make mistakes in which we sumtimes regret. At the moment we dont think about the consequences it might bring us so there for we learn from them and thats why we all deserve a second chance.

Answer 10

Okay, personal experience, but not my own. A friend and I talked through this a lot, and I'll tell you how she decided to take him back. Sorry if this gets long...

She started by figuring out why he cheated. She read a lot of books, too, and identified the whole need thing. You know, we all have needs, and at first we're really good at trying to meet our spouse's needs. As time goes on, we start to neglect that. Sometimes it's from lack of attention, sometimes it's circumstantial, and sometimes it's a combo of both. When one spouse starts to obsess on this unmet need, that is when they have an affair.

Now, this need may be truly un-met, or just something the cheater is imagining as un-met. She decided that her husband's perception of the un-met need was valid. Between work, time, kids, and just plain life, she'd stopped making him feel like her knight in shining armour. This was an important part of their relationship, and he started to miss the feeling of being important. So he turned to someone that made him feel like the king of the world.

Of course, my friend was mature and wise enough not to take the BLAME for this. She is realistic and says, "Hey, he's not perfect, and it's silly for him to expect me to stroke his ego all the time." At the same time, she did realize that it was a gradual loss in their marriage, a mutual and gradual process of taking each other for granted and neglecting the thank you's and compliments.

So, she was able to stand back and say, "Hey, this need to be king is HIS problem, and he didn't cheat because I failed in some way. I'm still whole, I'm still a great wife and mother, and I can be confident that I don't have to change who I am in order to make him happy." Once she re-established her self-esteem and confidence, she could approach this as his problem, and she had tools to help him through it. She could be more consistent with appreciating him, and she could do it without losing herself, her integrity or her pride in the process.

So, in their situation, she was able to take him back without feeling like she lost any of herself. And they talk more openly about his needs, but also her needs. Because we all know she was unhappy, too, because he was neglecting her as well. Has it been perfect? No. Was it easy? No way! But for them, it was the right decision. They knew that they really were the people most equipped to make one another happy, and so they decided to put in the hard work to keep the marriage.

Frankly, I don't know if I could do it. She did it and, like I said, lost no part of herself in the process. I'm probably not that strong. And it's asking a lot to ask someone to be like that.

But you asked for personal examples of why people go back, and that was the one I had. It's an inspiration, and I'm incredibly proud of her. But I would have been just as happy for her if she'd kicked him to the curb. =)