Alright, I am 17 years old right now, when I was a few months old my father run off, when I was 4 and my mother died I went to live with my father's sister and her husband.
They raised me as their own since they had (and still don't have) any kids of their own. Last night I heard my father wants to come back in my life. Thing is he wants me to "turn straight", or he will not accept me!
Can I change his mind so he will accept me back no matter what?
More impotantly, do I even need him? I feel like I should try to do what he says, even though it's impossible, since he is my father.
Though I wonder how much should I change or hide about myself, for someone I do not even know... What would you do if you were in my place?
2006-08-15 20:29:11 · 21 answers · asked by William 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It's hard to answer a question like this, as all the people who read it have not "walked in your shoes", but I guess we all will try to do our best... here's my best effort:
No having one of your biological parents in your life must be tough to deal with emotionally. Maybe not now, but later in life you may feel a need to re-connect with your roots. (A lot of people do, for some reason.) Since your father chose not to be in your life so far, and you seem to be a pretty well-adjusted person in spite of it (or maybe BECAUSE of it), I would venture to say that you do not NEED him in your life now. My suggestion would be to explain to your father that although you would like to have him in your life, you are who you are regardless of whether or not he likes it or can accept it. Let him know that begin gay was not a choice you made, it is simply who you are. And if he cannot accept you for who you are, then you don't need to know him. Also, you're at a point in your life when you have a lot of important decisions about your future. I hope that you will not let him add any additional stress at this pivotal time.
In my opinion, I would say that any man who abandoned you while still an infant, and who says that he cannot accept your sexuality is not worthy of your attention. But again, I have not lived your life, so I am unaware of how much you feel that you want to re-connect with him. Only you can make that determination. However, you need to rest assured that whatever choice you make, it WILL be the right one. Just follow your heart.
I hope this helps! Good luck.
2006-08-16 04:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by pceej 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He ran out on you before because he didn't want to be a father. Now he's threatening to run again because you're not the kind of child he wants. You're better off without him. You've got people in your life that actually care about you and accept you. You don't need someone like him bringing you down. Just because he's the person that got your mom pregnant doesn't mean you owe him anything. Had he actually been a father to you, then showing him some respect would be right, but since he was never there for you, you owe him nothing. Be true to yourself. If he has a problem with who you are, then it's his problem. If he really wants to be a father to you, then he'll accept you for who you are and actually be a parent for once instead of running.
2006-08-16 01:41:51 · answer #2 · answered by carora13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is just looking for an easy way out AGAIN... Do not allow him to control you... He didn't love you enough to hang around when you were a young child and chances are he wont now even if you do try and convert to make him happy. He has not changed at all obviously... It is still all about whats best for him... You have survived without him this long you can continue to do so... You owe him nothing...
I suggest you calmly tell him that it would be nice if he could be able to love and accept you the way you are, but you do not require it. And if he "chooses" not to then YOU choose to not have him as a part of your life..
He may be your father but he is far from your dad.. A Father is replaceable... A dad is not...Your father's sister and her husband have taken on those roles...
Stand your ground....you will likely regret it down the road if you don't..
Good luck, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
2006-08-15 20:49:32 · answer #3 · answered by Levi Cristopher . 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't change for anyone, not even your father. Take things slow with him, don't let him rush being the father figure he needs to accept you for who you are and not what he want you to be.
Even if he was around he still has not say on your sexuality.
Best of luck with your father.
Remember anyone can be a father, it takes someone special to be a dad!
2006-08-15 20:39:11 · answer #4 · answered by claireclaire1984 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just stick to your guns and BE YOURSELF!
This man ditched you when you were an infant!
Let him soak in his guilt.
Tell him that you won't accept him if he doesn't change!
He didn't accept you when you were an infant.
Why should you have to accept him as a father, when he never was one?
Now he wants to come back into your life, but only on his terms!
That's a big load of B.S.
2006-08-16 03:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by Jake 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he really want's to "come back" he will accept you for who you are. If not, you've gotten along without him this long, you HAVE a father. your Uncle. Allow this person to begin to dictate terms now and he will expect it for the rest of your life. He's the one that left, he's the one that has done something wrong, it's up to you to accept HIM back, not the other way around.
2006-08-15 23:13:45 · answer #6 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have not seen your father for 13 years but now your an adult and he doesn't have to financially support you he wants to come back.
Hog wash you are grown up and your sexuality as nothing to do with him.
Tell him the truth if he really wants to know you he will accept your views
wishing you good luck
2006-08-15 22:41:34 · answer #7 · answered by mushy peas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should not change yourself for anyone.if someone cant accept you for you its there problem not yours.as for your father saying that stuff he does not care about your feelings by leaving not being there when he should have been and now coming back into your life and telling you how you should be.its completely wrong.i would tell him to get lost unless he accepts you for who you are.good luck.try not to let him hurt you.he sounds a very selfish person to play with your feelings like this all throughout your life.
2006-08-15 20:37:12 · answer #8 · answered by choccycat1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well if i were in your place i would not want to know father...he ran off on you and now because he wants tocum back in your life he want you to 'turn straight' how dare he!!!!!!
you have to wonderful parents, they may not be biogicial, but they were always there for you...so you dont need your real father...
any boy can be a dad but it takes a real man to be a father... and he is not a father!!!!!
2006-08-15 23:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by IrishLassie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would'nt change for anybody, you have to be yourself no matter what, if your father can't accept you the way you are, then you don't need him in your life. Parent's are suppose to have unconditional love for their children, not try to shape them into something they want them to be and only then show them love.
Stay close to your aunt and uncle who raised you and loves you no matter how you are.
2006-08-15 20:38:49 · answer #10 · answered by ~?~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋