2006-08-15 19:14:18 · 13 answers · asked by EVY 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, people treat you how you allow them to treat you. I have a feeling this behavior of his didn't happen overnight. It's probably progressed through the years. With that being said, use your head in this one. You can take a stand now and tell him you aren't a child, or you can let it go, deal with whatever he throws at you, and watch it get worse. Abusers are funny creatures...but they are predictable. Their first step to begin the abuse is to separate you from your friends and family...which he's already starting to do. Then they control the finances so you have no way out or to leave them. It's a slow process, but it sounds like he's working on it....and you are letting him. Often it only takes a "no" from you to put an end to it. But if it's too late already, and you feel threatened by him, get some outside help and get the heck out of there. When a person reaches the point of control to where it scares you, then it's not long before it turns physical. I'm not saying leave your husband, I'm saying take a cooling off period to let him know that you are seriously not going to tolerate it and work it out while you aren't in the home so nothing bad happens. And if there's children, it's not an excuse to stay....that should be more of a reason to leave. This is unhealthy for everyone. And I know this seems like alot to take in, but it's a reality you are facing. It would do you no good for me to tell you that you should just leave, or throw in the towel. This is a man you love and care about...there are emotions here, probably on both parts. I'm not saying end it. I'm saying fix it. You know what the problem is, you see it and hear it all the time, but when it's you in that situation, you ignore the reality of it and hope for the best. Typically, these situations don't clear up on their own. It takes alot of work. But it's easy to start. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and say "no more" to yourself. Tell yourself that you don't want to live this way. Tell yourself that you want back the man that your first met. He's still in there honey, you just have to find him and sometimes that means taking the long, hard, road that leads to uncertainty. I can't make any decisions for you. I can only speak from experience and case history. You have choices and each choice is going to have consequences...be prepared for that. However, if you want it to work and you really love this man, there is nothing stopping you but yourself from seeking the happiness you deserve.
2006-08-15 19:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't like it, walk out. If you're not willing to give up the material benefits then you've sold your soul. Don't cry about it on the Internet in the hope of getting people to root for you.
I don't mean to be harsh or insensitive but YOU have to make the decision whether YOU're going to take your life in YOUR hands even if it means walking out into the cold with nothing but the shirt on your back, or you continue to play enabler. No one can enslave another without the other's consent, tacit or otherwise.
2006-08-16 03:46:36 · answer #2 · answered by pepper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I got very tired of it after 22 years so I divorced him. I'd rather be alone making my own decisions than with an insecure psycho. He controlled every aspect of my life, alienated my friends & family, had to know what every penny was spent on, and just caused misery in general. Life is too short, so I moved on.
2006-08-16 02:29:14 · answer #3 · answered by girlfriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you do???? If you stay in such a relationship, then you must think you deserve to be treated in such a manner. A man (and I use the term man loosely) will only do this when a woman will let him. He considers you weak, and that makes him feel more superior. He would have met his match with me, that's for sure.
2006-08-16 02:46:39 · answer #4 · answered by D L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave and take back control over your life.
2006-08-16 02:44:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to find a way to get control over your life to live the way YOU want to live it.
2006-08-16 02:27:43 · answer #6 · answered by louise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not good.
You need to save money secretly for when you need to leave him.
He should not control you from seeing your friends and family. If he isolates you, you are in great danger if he abuses you and you have no one to turn to. He can kill you and no one will know. You must keep in touch with your friends and family even if it's covertly/secretly. Keep up correspondence with them by e-mail or phone (when he's not around).
If he does abuse you physically, you need to leave him. Get help.
2006-08-16 12:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you end up living a secret life that he don't know about
2006-08-16 09:05:48 · answer #8 · answered by miss v8 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm having the same problem...if u want to discuss with me, u can email me.
2006-08-16 02:23:03 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank you....now I know Im not the only one. Goodluck too.
2006-08-16 03:34:27 · answer #10 · answered by ariel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋