I have always been very close friends with my cousin Jenn. She married her high school sweetheart, Derek, a few years ago. They had 3 children together. They were the family that everyone wanted to be: loving parents, beautiful children, they met in a Christian singing group, they were active in our church...the list goes on. They were what I thought of when I thought "perfect marriage." However, less than a year ago Derek started coming home drunk, or not coming home at all. Then Jenn found out he was having an affair....with another man. She asked him to move out. She has 3 children to take care of and a house to pay for, and her job does not pay well. However, she has forgiven him; she is very kind to him and lets him come see the children all the time. But I still feel betrayed. I know he hurt her more than he could ever have hurt me, but I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him. What can I do to overcome this and forgive him like I know I should?
2006-08-15 17:14:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Pray on it. Seek out your cousin and explain to her what you feel. Ask her to pray with you about it. Ask her if you can help her in any way. If you happen to be at her house and her soon-to-be ex shows up, try to be civil and realize that he is a human being, made by God, faults and all, and that none of us are perfect.
Make it your goal to learn forgiveness and mean it in your heart. You will be a better man for it.
God bless...
2006-08-15 17:20:29 · answer #1 · answered by Patricia D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness takes time. There is no exact answer. There are issues in my life that I have had since I was a child that i still have not forgiven the person for. My husband had an affair on me and it took be 2-3 years to get over it. I have now forgiven him and we are still married. I hope this helps. You will know when it is time to forgive him. Hang in there :-)
2006-08-16 00:24:16 · answer #2 · answered by greeneyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If Jenn who is badly hurt trys hard to forgive so that her children still have a father, why not you? Everyone has a dark secret, and to be a forgiving person isn't easy but not impossible.
Try to help instead of adding fuel to the fire.
2006-08-16 00:23:42 · answer #3 · answered by j t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting. I've forgiven indiscretions my wife has made, but I haven't forgotten. A fool would be twice bitten. Even Satan was eventually cast out. I only used that reference to show you that forgiving doesn't mean you have to be a fool. Trust is something that is earned, I think. He lost that trust, and his wife may be working on getting that back, and you probably should to. I'm not so sure it's good for the person who made the indiscretion to get off Scott free either. Maybe it's good they know they've damaged others, humble sincerity in their efforts might make them think twice about hurting again.
2006-08-16 00:30:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you feeling betrayed by someone's husband, just because the wife is your best friend. Did you sleep with this guy too? Your best friend is your best friend. Their family life shouldn't have any effect on your life, and vice-versa. Why are you getting emotionally involved in your best friend's marital problems. This is a no-no. I hope you know that. Unless this is your own story. For all we know, if any thing at all, you'll get blamed for their marital problem. If your best friend forgave her former husband, then you should be happy for her instead of feeling really emotional about the whole deal.
2006-08-16 00:38:11 · answer #5 · answered by FILO 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your place to feel betrayed. You can feel empathy and sympathy for her, and be an ally for her, and not accept what he did, but this has nothing to do with you personally. The best thing I think you can do is love your cousin and support her. Show her the humor in things when she's down. Let her do what she feels is best for the children. She sounds like a really lovely person. Be her support and let her draw from that. Push him from your mind and focus on your sweet cousin.
2006-08-16 00:22:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answerd your own question. Its not you who has to forgive him. He and you cousin have children together and have to work together for the children, so she has to find a way to live with what he has done to her. I think if she can forgive him to a point than you should realize she may see something you don't. Everyone makes mistakes and deserves to be given a second chance.
2006-08-16 00:27:08 · answer #7 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go, it's not your call.
I am sure you only heard one side of the story.
Maybe if you sat down with her husband and heard he's side of the story, if he want to tell you, maybe you could understand what led up to what he did.
But for now let go, she did.
It's not a good idea,to beating a dead horse.
Just give her your support.
2006-08-16 06:25:37 · answer #8 · answered by meatball288001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your problem. My sister goes out with and has children with someone i and many others consider to be a complete jerk. But I have to respect her decision.
2006-08-16 00:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by martpd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your freind and naturally you are upset by his cheating and drinking...But she is the one who had children with him and if she has forgiven him and is letting him back into her llife then I suggest that you be happy with her decision......because right now she needs her freind..For her sake forgive him...
2006-08-16 00:30:00 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋