How do you communicate with your spouse?

Question

I am asking for the most serious answers please. I lost my first marriage of 13 years, and now i am on the courthouse steps, so to speak, of losing this one, of 2 years. I know i do not have good communication skills. I fail to listen, and when i do, its like i seem to fail to HEAR what he is saying..i cant seem to get it right. I cannot carry a conversation with him, i run out of things to talk about, and when it comes to problems, i can solve everyone elses except my own. I am stubborn, bull headed, and so is he. We both want to be the boss of the relationship. And more than anything- i adore my husband, and love him very very much. Are there free self help sights about communication, is there anyone here who has been thru this? What did you do to better yourself? Thanks for your input.

Answer 1

the answer is simple one or both of you must humble your selves
on order to get the others attention once a comprismise has been established then more communication will be allowed to be not only heard but said from both parties, if love is the true factor that binds the two of you then it should be simple,
most people will do almost anything for the sake of love,

Answer 2

I really do understand how you feel. I am getting divorced after 20 years of marriage. It's for different reasons than yours, but it is still very painful. The only good to come out of it is that now I know a lot more about what works and what doesn't. You are on the right track. Communication is the key.

If you two love each other then there's still something to work on. I think you should read all of the articles posted at the the link below -- especially the one titled "Communicating with Emotional Integrity". They may help you. Get your hubby to read them too.

Also, make an appointment to see a marriage counselor. He can talk with the two of you and refer you to some classes or books on how to fight fair and honestly in a relationship.

Get busy now before it's too late.

Answer 3

my wife and myself are also stubborn and pig headed and quick tempered. We have had to learn to compromise. Sooner or later you are going to have to realize that in a good relationship,there is no boss. Maybe if you spent more time making sure that he is happy and he spent more time looking after you,then the important things will come to the front.Try telling him how much you love him and explain that no matter what, you want the relationship to work. Then ask him to help you. My wife and myself have learned how to get over the things that are not so important. After all,everytime you argue about something it all of a sudden seems to end up as a jeopardy to the relationship. First you let him tell you how he feels about the issue. Then have him listen while you talk.No one interrupts while the other is talking. Then quietly discuss the differences. My wife and I have managed to work through all the problems because we have come to realize that our relationship is,by far, much more important than any single issue. And incidentally,we have been married since 1965 and are still going strong. Good luck. Both of you must realize that a relationship is not easy but it is worthwhile. Also, never let a day go by without making sure that your partner knows how you feel about them and never go to bed at night with an argument between you.

Answer 4

I'm not ure about self help but from my experience you have to learn to be a good listener before you can be a good communicater. Give your hubby 100% of your attention, dont let your mind wander or be distracted by anything else. When you speak to him, take your time. Dont rush into the first thing that pops into your head. Think about what u r going to say. Speak slower if you have to to give you brain timeto think ahead if need be. I know people who sometimes talk with a bad tone of voice. (unintetionally). Have you tried listening to yourself talk? Does it give the wrong message?

And lastly, stubborness is a problem you both have to work on. There has to be some give and take. So when you get to a situation where there is a stalemate, sit down and calmly discuss what u r willing to do and ask him what he is willing to do to meet halfway.

Answer 5

Making a marriage work is hard work. My mum has always told me that a good marriage is about compromise, communication, tolorance & acceptance, and she's been happily married to my dad for 40 years now. Since both of you know that you still want to work on this marriage, why not seek help from a marriage counslor?
Im sure if you both sit down and listen to each other, you'll finally understand what your better half is saying. You don't call him your better half for nothing (",)

Answer 6

Honey i know where u are coming from. In my relationship my husband and I both want to be the boss. We had to go to marriage counseling. It was hard for me to go because I am hard headed. But I figured I don't want to lose him, so I better do what I have to. It helped. Try it.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

I suggest if you want to save the relationship, you both agree to counseling to try to see if it is possible. It is not a quick fix, it takes work on both of your parts to figure out a happy medium. We sometimes couple with people we should be friends with and not lovers because we are too much alike. Perhaps that is what is happening here. If I were you, I'd try counseling with the intention of giving it my all. But it takes two, so you both need to be committed.

Answer 8

you ever stop and think...that maybe you want the freedom and independence more than the relationship... you sounded as though you deserve the walk of shame for going thru your 2nd divorce... it could be very simple... you subconciously enjoy freedom.... or you have high standards and these 2 don't meet up to them.... communication is supposed to come naturally- if you force yourself into it - how happy will you really be in the end.

Answer 9

You ask a very serious and difficult question.
You communicate with an open mind. And don't critize.
But never lose respect for yourself.
I would say you are divorced 2x's for other issues besides communication.

Answer 10

The book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura would be an EXCELLENT book for you to read.

Good luck!