Closure - how to get it?

Question

I've been alone with my children for the past 4 years. I still have a hard time accepting the fact that our family will never be complete.

I can never get closure because he keeps telling me about his hopes of us being a family again, may be he's hoping to leave a crack in the door open in case he needs to come back with us (if his girlfriend leaves him I guess)?!.

I have excellent reasons not to go back with him ever.

Lately, we had serious talks (face to face and email) and when it gets too serious or when it looks like it will be the end of 'us' for real, he runs away and does not listen anymore.

I need to get closure from all this, to allow myself to move on.
How can I get closure - from my ex and from a family of mother, father and children altogether?
Tips? Anybody got through this?

Answer 1

People always say "You have to try for your children" and I think this is the WORST excuse ever. I mean up to a certain point...but four years of being alone is excessive. And how much should you "try" without depleting your own happiness? I'd rather have my children see me being happy rather than miserable and not tolerating being yanked around emotionally by my ex. It let's your children know that you don't have to accept subpar treatment from anyone.

It would seem to me the only way you are going to get closure is by cutting yourself off from him (ie-not making yourself available to him but letting your children have access to him). I know you have children and this is a challenge...but not taking part in any more discussions that lead absolutely nowhere. Letting him know...via an ultimatum..."Look...if you REALLY want to try and work through this then you need to do specific things (ie-getting rid of the gf) or else I am closing this door for good."

It seems like he can't let go himself and he wants to have the mother of his children present in his life and a gf on the side. Someone has to be strong and acknowledge the pink elephant in the room--if you've been trying for four years chances are it isn't going to work.

In the aftermath it IS hard. You have to constantly see him. The best way I have seen this work out is by acting VERY formal when giving the kids to him for visitation and discussing their ongoing care. At first it will be hard...but eventually you will see that is much better for YOU and for YOUR family.

The only way to acheive "closure" is by CLOSING the possibility of a future together (as a couple)...not dragging it on and on and on. I wish you a LOT of luck, a LOT of strength, a LOT of support and the ability to stick with your decision. It will be hard but if you give yourself credit...you can be very strong if you require that of yourself. GOOD LUCK!!! : )

Answer 2

Sorry about your hurt.. But, you are better off ,without him. Even, if you was with him. It .don't sound like you would be a family. Think about it.. He has a GF. If he emails you and talks about together. He is a cheat.. I don't think. he is capable of being in one family.. Sorry, i know that hurt.. Please, The best way to have closure. Is pray for Gods will. That's how i got though mine. There is a good man out there. somewhere. That will make you happy.. You will forget about the other one when you find a good one. Good luck.. And, i hope you find peace.. God bless

Answer 3

It took me a long time to get closure on my divorce. Raising my kids alone. But it did come, and it came all by itself. Although it really did take about 6 years. I don't think you can make closure happen, one day it just happens.

Answer 4

The only way to get closure is for you to make up your mind that it is finally over. He will do and say anything to leave that crack open. He doesn't have your best interest at heart. You are the only one who can stop this selfish game he is playing with you. Once you decide to move on you will be able to get the closure you want. Never allow someone to play with your emotions and allow his foolish games to take over your life. You and you alone have the power to make you and your children life better.

I wish you the best of luck

Answer 5

i'm sorry to examine of your loss, i do no longer believe I rather have had something alongside those strains take place to me, (some miscarriages take place and it extremely is in elementary terms like a typical era) for which i'm grateful. i individually do no longer understand how i could cope with it and understand i could continuously blame myself :(. various respondants have indicated that it extremely is subject-unfastened and not unavoidably a fault factor. there's a saying "issues take place for a reason" for which i believe yet no longer continuously understand why some issues take place.... I enjoyed and enjoyed each and every 2nd of my toddlers starting to be interior me and replaced into very fortunate for them to be born healthful, whether the two of them replaced into born with a incapacity i could have enjoyed them and on no account no longer needed them... I do see families around with baby/ren with disabilities and picture that could desire to be soooo no longer undemanding. So perhaps as terrible because it may desire to look it perhaps a hidden blessing. i'm nonetheless of baby bearing age and am no longer rather optimistic i'm carried out with being pregnant and toddlers and according to threat i visit attempt back???? If the unlucky did ever take place i individually desire i could turn the unfavorable into an outstanding and nonetheless have fun the baby, i could start up by utilising planting a tree/plant something and nuture it and watch it advance as my baby could have, on the due date (birthday) each and each 3 hundred and sixty 5 days i could easy a candle and undergo in techniques my angel baby... oh it is so unhappy I do desire you will discover a thank you to assist your self heal and rapidly. Sending hugs n smiles your way...

Answer 6

you hit it on the nose he wants to keep that door opensin case his girlfriend puts him out he got some where to go and then he can go back and forward between the two of you let him go move on with your life your kids have got us to him not being there so move on don't destroy them again by going thru the same stuff again it has end so move on give him closure and move on good luck

Answer 7

you will get closure when you allow it to take over the emotion your feeling now. That emotion is still love for him. You are allowing him to still be in your life, even if its only a small bit. He has another GF......so let it go. Dont listen to any excuses. If he loved you, hed be there RIGHT NOW!!!!!! Let yourself grieve and move on. If you continue to communicate with him, you are damaging your own self-esteem. Im alone with my kids now....and I couldnt be happier. Find your value as a mother. Get your priorities in line....KIDS FIRST! Let him go.....youve got to.

Answer 8

You will not ever have closure if you keep talking in a personal way with this moron. Why are you allowing the conversation?

Answer 9

at this point you may need profesional help if four years haven't done it don't want to be the one to break the bad news to you but thats what i think