My husband and I are trying to have a baby and we have been trying for 2 years. I am in fertility medication called clomid and it has alot of side effects that I have been feeling.Taking this medicine really puts me throught alot and he knows that! The past month the medicine worked and this month is promising but my husband only had sex with me twice during our fertile time and it has been like pulling teeth to get him to have sex. When I came home I found out that he serviced himslef. This wasted what we to have a baby. Do you think he is in the wrong or am I over reacting?
2006-08-15 14:23:20 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Trying to Conceive
Well, he really should have waited, but if you are having such a hard time getting him to have sex with you now... he may have reconsidered this "having a baby" idea. It sounds like he probably does not want one now. You need to sit down and talk with him about it. It sounds to me like you are now the only one who wants a baby.
2006-08-15 14:30:23 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all - clomid a.k.a.......the drug from hell is horrible. i got the worst side effects when i was taking it. (weight gain, hot flushes, depression)
we tried for 3 years and moved on from clomid to ovulation induction (injections of pregnyl and puregon).
The bad news is none of those things worked for me. The good news is i am 11 weeks by natural means.
My husband and i detested the whole calculated process when we were doing the fertility drugs and i can totally understand where you are at. That drug makes you react very differently to everything and i think it even causes depression.
Good luck - i know you cant help what you are feeling. The whole process is draining and there is nothing worse than having to calculate sex - it takes the joy out of it thats for sure.
Not that it helps you now but you will look back on this time when you finally do become pregnant and be so grateful as you will know what a battle it was to get pregnant in the first place.
Good luck.
2006-08-15 22:10:42 · answer #2 · answered by Boo Boo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where you are coming from. And I don't think you are over reacting for getting upset. You are really wanting to get preggo. And you've been trying for a long time. But I think the stress of it all has taken the joy out of having sex. And that's why your hubby decided to go solo. He can't enjoy the act and it's not satisfying to him and maybe he's trying to avoid it. Maybe if you two tried to do new things to make it more exciting he'd be more open to having sex more often during your fertile time. Or take a break from it for a bit. I know you don't want to hear that seeing that you are on the meds and they have bad side effects for you. But you don't want this to be a bad time in your marriage either. This should be a happy time for you both.
2006-08-15 21:34:23 · answer #3 · answered by fiestyredhead 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem with "servicing" himself during your fertility, is that the older the sperm is the better it is to help it fertilize the egg. I told my hubby that if he could help it to not do that while I'm ovulating so that we have the best chances. I understand why guys do this, that part has never bothered me even though we are married, guys are just like that, but he really shouldn't be doing that if you are ovulating. We started to try to make a baby this summer and it started to become mudane and routine. Spice it up for him, wear something sexy or when he comes home from work be wearing nothing but an apron. You guys probably need to have a conversation about when is the right time for him to do this, but be gentle, he may not see if from your point of view.
2006-08-16 00:10:49 · answer #4 · answered by Serena 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My fiance and I are in the same boat, except we've been only trying for 2.5 months. We haven't had sex since July 25 and he's the one that really wants to start a family. It's his fault for missing out, so I'm not going to overreact about it all the time. He's also really stressed right now, so that doesn't help either. He works nights and I work days, but he's going onto days in 2 weeks, so I can't wait to be able to actually sleep with him at night, because it's been 4 years since we really haven't slept together in the same bed. Don't try so hard and relax, it'll happen eventually and when you least expect it. Enjoy trying to conceive, and don't make it a chore. Good luck!!!
2006-08-17 14:44:59 · answer #5 · answered by kittlesworth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I can offer two different avenues of advice. My husband and I also went through years of fertility treatments. Although my husband wanted a child, it became so clinical and planned for him that he lost his motivation for the whole thing. On the other hand, you are going through all of this hormonal turmoil and he needs to be there for you and not waste your time. Is he aware that fertility medications can have future side effects and that the quicker you conceive, the better for you it is? You should probably talk with him and find out exactly what is bothering him-good luck!!!!
2006-08-15 21:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress. This can be his way of reacting to it. Or, maybe he doesn't really want a child as much as you do.
I truly suggest that you guys sit down and have an honest, face to face discussion on this whole thing.
You guys have been going through this for 2 years. This has to put quite a strain on anyone. He may feel that he is more a sperm bank at this point, than a husband.
Have a heart to heart with each other and make sure you are both on the same page, with the same goals in mind. You may have lost track of each other in your search for a child.
Good luck to you both.
2006-08-15 21:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We had difficulty though we didn't use fertility medication. You might want to take a break. Enjoy one another. Talk with one another. Make love instead of having sex. Also, if he is otherwise healthy, he didn't waste anything. He should have enough to spare.
I echo so many others; talk with him. Make sure that he understands you. Make sure that you understand him. Talk when you are NOT having sex or about to have sex. Let that be another time, a special time.
2006-08-15 21:57:24 · answer #8 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying either of you are wrong or right, but I'm sure he is feeling pressure about when and how to perform, perhaps he and you would feel better if you just let it happen when it happens instead of being on a schedule. I understand that you are only fertile at certain times of the month. But at least make this fun instead of a planned event.
2006-08-15 21:38:28 · answer #9 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think something else is wrong other than him just being mean.......either he isn't ready to have a baby or he can't deal with the pressure...but most importantly you both have to be supportive of each other especially when you are not succeeding thus far.....(but yes I'd be mad at him too) although I'd forgive him before the WHOLE month is wasted! Good Luck!
2006-08-15 23:05:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My question is are you making the whole "getting pregnant" thing into something like its a doctors appointment? "OK its 6pm on wednesday, go upstairs get ready" or are you trying to get a good mood going? Its really hard to tell from the sparse details. Really though, getting a guy into bed shouldn't be a problem unless you make it a chore. I know having trouble getting pregnant is a lot of stress, but you must put yourself above that if you want to achieve your goal and still have a fuctional marriage.
2006-08-15 21:38:21 · answer #11 · answered by someavgguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋