Should i get over and forgive my partners mother who will soon be my mother in law?

Question

when we first got together she spread nasty rumours that the baby wasnt his and i'm a sl*t and all this other stuff, to other family members and anyone that would listen to her, she harrassed me in the parking lot for about 2 hrs while i was waiting for someone to pick me up, and she abused her son when he was younger, he's startng to get over it, but i can see it still affects him, and because it affects him if affects me and our kids, and i hate her for that as well, because she deny's it all, she's very negative and i dont want my kids around her, but its been about three years!, my partners slowly talking to her again, but i'm stuck.... do i do it for him, and bite my hate, and the fact she would win, or do i keep on hating and no one wins. p.s you cant talk to this woman its her way or the highway, when you do talk she twists your words and uses them against you. i really dont want her at my wedding, i belive she'd ruin it somehow for me, my family and my partner get along well.

dr phil would have a heart attack if he met this woman, i cant choose the best answer alot of them have been really great, moe and craig c, youve given me that little bit of a different perspective thankyou... god if i had so much time, i write a book on what thi womans done.

this is my first question so i dunno if i'm sposed to keep writing in here? but yes we have talked about it, it doesnt get to far, he's started introducing the kids to her more and more, which i cringe at. i dont have to see her, he goes out, but i would rather be there monitoring my kids. i have stood up to her ( that time in the parking lot) but she twists everything and your the horrible nasty one, she met me for ten minutes the first time and she was already spreading things.

to the last question i respect your opinion, however, his family is asian, i am not, and that played a bit part, he cant do out with asian women because they remind his of his mother. i agree he is a little upset we cant get along, however, i can alerady forsee the song and dance she'll do if i step up and forgive her and let her see my kids and have contact with them. she has not once acknowleged she's done anything wrong in all the things she's done to me or him, its taken him 6 years to forgive her and slowly move on, iv had about three years, and thats why i'm writing now for advice. my family doenst liek her cos of what sh4e's done to me, she is his mother, my frids dont liek what she's done to me, i need an outside perspective.

Answer 1

that women is a b&#ch!!!
your choice, if you want her to ruin your life...

Answer 2

You aren't going to like this, but most guys marry their mothers. Something in you reminds him of her, and he believes deep down inside that you are his second chance at pleasing her. It sounds to me like you are both judgemental, and narrow minded, believe that it's the other one's mission to make her son miserable, and that the only mission in life worth accomplishing is to force the other one out of his life. The only reason she does the things she does is because they work. Look how worked up you are over this. What can she do to ruin the wedding? No matter what it is, if you take the high road and be gracious and calm, you will be the hero. Here's an idea, get married before the wedding in a private little romantic ceremony, and consider the big wedding as a gift to your friends and relatives. Swear a couple of friends to secrecy, then find a beautiful romantic place, maybe overlooking the ocean, or with a mountain view, hire a reasonably priced photographer, then honeymoon with a midnight getaway at the best hotel in town. That's going to cost around 500 dollars, and the best will be done. Then, no matter what she does, she can't ruin your real wedding day, 'cause it's already over. DO NOT TELL HER until she is on her death bed. It'll be your most treasured secret. (If he refuses to go along with it, you'll know a lot more than you do now about how he feels.

Answer 3

dang girl that really bites thats a hard situation . i dont know why women or rather some women do that. but i believe that hate really only affects the people that hate. i would forgive her , but she wouldnt walk over me now or in the future, you have to hold your ground and pretty soon she'll figure out that you are not the type of person she can push around and she will stop some of that crap. about having the kids around a negitive person like that i guess that would totally up tp you but i dont think i would do it. and as far as the wedding goes i think that would be up to your partner because its his mom. and by the way i hope your wedding is the happiest day in your whole life..

Answer 4

you can always forgive but you never forgets and if she is as negative as you say she is let her go sound like to me she has a lot of guilt and don't know how to ask for fogiveness so she just continue to be negative just start ignoring her and watch the reaction what ever goes down be sure there is some one else to see her in action and as far as your wedding that is your day you let her know that cshe is invited but if she acts up you will have her put out cause that is your day and it only comes once and it seems like her son could use a little counceling good luck

Answer 5

wow sara thats a toughy even dr. phill would have a time with this lady it sounds like shes just going to impossible to live with . if she doesnt seek help nobody can blame you for shutting her out of your life but your man is going to eventually forgive her blood is thicker you know . thats going to really hard to deal with i just hope you can overcome for your kids and your sanity , try not to let her get under your skin just count to ten and walk away hopefully she can be gracious at your wedding cross your fingers sweaty good luck ok c.j.c.

Answer 6

If you ask me, I would say maybe there will be a time that you can forgive your soon to be mother in law...forgiving is not that easy but maybe there are reasons why she did that. try to understand, little by little maybe her reasons will be released one by one. Don't easily judge her. Like us we have our own ways of dealing to some problems and maybe that is her ways. Talk to her and try to enhance your relations! and if that things don,t work that is not anymore your fault....bye good luck!!

Answer 7

HAVE YOU AND YOUR PARTNER TALKED ABOUT ALL OF THIS EVEN THOUGH I'M SURE HE KNOWS. THINGS MAY CHANGE ONCE YOU AND HE ARE MARRIED. YOUR FUTURE MONSTER-IN-LAW SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE THAT NEEDS A GOOD BUTT WHOOPIN. REMEMBER, SHE IS STILL HIS MOTHER, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS OR FEELS TOWARDS HER. I WOULDN'T LET A PERSON LIKE THAT MESS UP MY WEDDING. INVITE HER. BUT HAVE A FEW FRIENDS THAT WILL ESCORT HER TO THE DOOR IF SHE GETS OUT OF CONTROL. YOU MAY HAVE TO STAND UP TO HER EVENTUALLY AND TELL HER ABOUT HERSELF. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND THE FAMILY. GOD BLESS YOU ON YOUR WEDDING.

Answer 8

bite your hate. it will get better, let your soon to husband know and see that you are trying to be the better person. i'm sure he knows how his mother is if he loves you it really will not matter. but you do want the mother on your good side.

Answer 9

i'm sorry to hear that. keep your kids away from her, she could beat them and verbally abuse them, too. just pray things will change. keep your mouth shut around her. she can't twist words that don't exist. but don't leave your kids alone with her and don't let her at your wedding. good luck.

Answer 10

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