We have been friends for 5 years...not boyfriend/girlfriend..just close friends. We do everything together as a boyfriend/girlfriend would...but when I mentioned that I thought it would be nice to actually go on a date..he said he didnt want to date people in his own circle. In the meantime...I replay time and again...all the money I have given him to keep his household running, his business running, his childrens needs, groceries, clothes, etc... Am I being selfish all of a sudden since he rejected the thought of being closer....or was I being too generous to unconfirmed relationship. But now it is clear...we will not date...do I pull back completely..or just keep letting him use me?????
2006-08-15 13:40:31 · 11 answers · asked by Cat 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Dump is butt and leave him
2006-08-15 13:44:48 · answer #1 · answered by Right Wing Extremist 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say that you're being selfish all of a sudden. I'd say you're just taking stock and noticing that the imbalance isn't likely to change. If I were you, I would pull back and not really do him and favors or give him any money if it's much trouble to you. If he's fun to be with then do things with him, but let him pull his own weight in the friendship. And be glad that he doesn't want a relationship; I think he's doing you a favor really. You want a partner, not an adult that you have to look after like a child.
2006-08-15 13:50:04 · answer #2 · answered by pamgissa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know the answer to this one. If not, would you let me be your friend for the next five years and I'll come around to get money, sex, clothes, etc...when I want? Then when you want commitment I'll bail and send in the relief person. I didn't mean to be mean but sometimes you need to be brought back to reality. You sound like a giving person and it's time to take care of yourself for just a little bit while you work this guy out of your life. Someone will notice your giving personality one day and make that commitment you need and want. Good luck.
2006-08-15 13:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by Spaniard71 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend that did the same thing (actually I am still in this with her) She only calls or comes over when she wants somethng or when it is convient to her. It is like a one way friendship with all the work coming from me. You have to do what I did. Distance yourself from him. Explain that you are feeling overwhelmed and that you cannot do a friendship when you are always the one to give and he is always the one to take. You need to know that you are needed even when he doesnt need something. You want to know that he would be your friend even if you couldnt do the things that you do. Limit how much time you spend with him and do as I do When she calls my house if I am in the middle of something I dont worry about answering unlike before I would answer no matter what. It is hard because as humans we crave that connection with someone but sometimes we sacrifice ourselves for them. Dont allow this to happen. I am not saying that you need to drop him all at once just distance yourself... Good Luck.
2006-08-15 13:52:49 · answer #4 · answered by lvb524 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is using you. Do you get any satisfaction from his friendship? Or are you constantly waiting for him. Does he only call you or come over when he needs something? Is he asking you for financial support or just making you feel like you need to help him because he is not able to handle his financial responsibilities. I put up with this for 1 1/2 years, and told my former Ex. That if he was not prepared to be a participating boyfriend that I was all done!!!
The decision is yours! Good Luck!! There is alone and lonely!!
2006-08-15 13:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by twoshotjudy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You tell him like it is and that it is not ok to use you. It sounds like he is completely using you and you are letting him do it! If you are true friends then you should be able to tell him how you feel. But if you love him and he doesn't want to go that route then it might be better for you to just back off for a while instead of cutting him off completely. Just don't be available for him and maybe he will start to realize how much he misses you being around and change his mind. Good luck!!!
2006-08-15 13:47:13 · answer #6 · answered by GoBucks!!! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you give him sex, money, and take care of his kids, but he he can't even bring himself to take you to a lousy dinner and a movie? If you like being in a relationship where you are used and taken advantage, then you are in luck because that is what you have. He doesn't appreciate you. He takes you for granted. Trust me, when he stops getting, he'll get going.
2006-08-15 13:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by jeninsocal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why lose a friend, thats if he is a good friend, BUT i would STOP lending him money that may be the reason he is your friend, if you stop the money & he goes away then you know why he was there in the first place, if he stays then everyone needs a friend some time but you will know he only wants friendship,
2006-08-15 13:51:57 · answer #8 · answered by KATIEKAT 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You obviously feel used. So stop it! If this guy is really your friend, he won't care about your money. What does he have invested in you? Relationships should be 50/50! I say....Cut him loose!
2006-08-15 13:46:22 · answer #9 · answered by KIMBO 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless he does a lot of favors for you as well, he's a user. Move on.
2006-08-15 13:46:10 · answer #10 · answered by KyLeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woman! Are you out of your mind???? Get real, get a man, and get rid of the bum!!
2006-08-15 13:48:00 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋