i am 24 yrs old.my husband and i have been married for a year now. we were both virgins when we got married.i assumed because of him being a virgin he wouldn't keep his hands off of me, but its the opposite! the number of times we have had sex can be counted! i got pregnant, and he was very considerate because i had a difficult pregnancy but now i am wondering if it was consideration or something else? he watches porn alot! i thought he would stop after marrige but it didn't.he watches porn rather than have sex with me!i don't understand why. i am always trying my best to get him interested in me,i wear very sexy lingerie, i am always sweet talking him, strip,i let do whatever he wants with me, i am always laying myself down to him, i feel like i am harrasing him! all this with no use, he always blows me off! saying he is tired, but i keep finding porn on the computer, we have had sex twice in the last 3 months! i am so lonely, humiliated and feel not good enough.please help me.
2006-08-15 13:34:07 · 13 answers · asked by lonely_lucy82 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is more common than you might think. You are not alone. You really need to talk with one another. It may take counseling, but you have to communicate with each other. Both of you have needs. In any communication, there has to be respect, patience, forgiveness, and love. Calmly speaking will get better results than angry speech or yelling. Threats will not do any good. They will only create a larger gap between you two. In the end, you need to learn what he needs. If you strive to meet those needs and also communicate your needs to him, then he will eventually learn and reciprocate. That eventually may take more time than you are comfortable with.
Carefully select a counselor should you choose counseling. My wife's and my first marriage counselor told us to divorce. We love each other and were not willing to do that. We found a counselor who would actually guide us in building/re-building our marriage. We are still working on it; but we are still together and things are getting better. A book he suggested, and has helped, is "Love life for every married couple" by Ed Wheat, M. D. and Gloria Okes Perkins. I wish you well.
By the way, his not giving you sex and going to pornography is a form of adultery which you do not deserve. Do talk with him. You deserve his attention and affection.
2006-08-15 14:04:46 · answer #1 · answered by Jack 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-25 14:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this probably will not change. It may from a month at the most. I am familiar with your situation, however my husband is significantly older than me. I do not understand a person watching porn if they have a partner ready and willing and/or doing to you what they are watching and fantasizing about? My husband always says "I am curious", (but nothing gets better) You need him to be upfront and honest with you! Demand an answer so you are not continuing the humiliation and frustration. What will satisfy him? what are you not giving him that he is receiving from the porn? I certainly can not/could not go on the rest of my life with no sex, boring sex or most of all begging for it! Good luck, I wish you all the best!
2006-08-15 14:10:57 · answer #3 · answered by louwho 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you and your husband could use a little couples therapy. A lot of men lose interest during pregnancy but the drive usually returns after a few weeks postpartum
Your husband may have done such s good job of substituting porn for intimacy that he cant find his way back. You need to find a way to get him to share his feelings with you.
2006-08-15 13:46:38 · answer #4 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he watching alot of porn and he rather be doing that then spending quality time with you there's a big problem with that me and my husband and a great sex life you just need to sit and talk about whats bothering you and tell that him watching porn bothers and you want him to stop
2006-08-15 15:00:30 · answer #5 · answered by toohot4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of all his magazines and demand he make an oath of committment!
Burn the magazines in front of him with explosive anger!
Let him know you will cut it off if he doesnt use it the right way!
Use visuall example like a wiennie from the fridge. Let him see that you are serious!
Do this for at least 30 days!
Then you will have your way with him.
2006-08-15 13:41:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a serious problem. You need to sit your husband down and tell him how your feeling. Explain that you miss making love with him and that you need him to touch you more. There may be some underlying problems that need to be addressed with counseling.....but first, talk to him.
2006-08-15 13:41:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, you should ask him how he truly feels about you and if the love is still there. Maybe he is scared of getting you preagnant again, or is seeking elsewhere for sex
2006-08-15 13:44:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com
2006-08-16 01:52:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him before your marriage goes terribly wrong
2006-08-15 13:43:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋