My husband had another baby with his ex-wife after only being married for 3 months with me. We separated and then came back, separated and now he wants to come back. We started marriage counseling today, he set up the appt and did the reseach himself. But I honestly really want to know if this is going to help us. We both want to be with each other and we both love each other but we argue just about every day.. what should I do? I love him dearly but I really don't know if I have forgiven him for what he did. The therapist told us we have a long road ahead of us but that she could help us. He did participate in the counseling, he hugged me and told me and tells me every single moment that he loves me and wants to be with me. He has been very compassionate with me, everytime I cry he holds me and tells me that he loves me..
What do you all think? Is he really sincere.. You men out there give me some insight to this, please.
2006-08-15 12:55:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anilop 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He got his Ex -wife pregnant three months into our marriage, she had the baby a couple of months ago. hope that clarifies just a litte.
2006-08-15 13:50:15 · update #1
Maybe you should ask each other what is it that makes me love you, and is it that you love each other or are you in love with each other? Big defference! What is it that you argue about every day? Do you think you will ever beable to honestly forgive him for getting his ex knocked up, are you apart of the childs life?
2006-08-15 13:11:24 · answer #1 · answered by dnmhbk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wondered as I read whether or not you all got together quickly. I mean if the baby was born in your 3rd month of marriage, then she got pregnant @ least 6 months ago...were you together then? I don't know you or him but if this was a world wind romance and you suddenly found yourself married after a month or 2 of dating...they may have gotten pregnant before you were even in the picture. I think that THAT has a lot to do with how you want to look @ it..
If that is the case do you really want to stay married to a man who now has a newborn not by you?
That being said, I believe if both parties WANT to stay married TO EACH OTHER... then having a 3rd party can be helpful in closing this gap that is between you 2. If you believe he is sincere- you owe it to YOURSELF to attempt counseling. that way, if you still feel the way you feel you will have at least looked back and said "I gave it a try". Because reality is it may not work out between you with the best of intentions.
I mean a REAL effort--not just a couple of visits. You all WILL get mad before you even things out.
Good Luck
2006-08-15 20:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling will help, if you let it... Sometimes, you need a mediator to hear both sides.. This is a way of you telling your husband exactly what's bothering you, without the arguing, because the counselor is there.. Your husband will have no choice but to listen and vice a versa....
If both of you really love eachother the way you say you do, you will work at it no matter what it takes.... It seems since he took the initiative to make the appointment, that he is trying and being sincere.. He is showing you already he wants to work it out.. He might have finally realized what he has... Only time can tell, try it one more time, if it doesn't work, then let him go....
2006-08-15 20:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by Torres 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one to answer, but i will give it a try as there can be so many faucets to relationships it is mind blowing. Marriage counseling can only work, if both parties are comitted to making it happen. It is not going to be an easy road ahead, and only time will tell if you and your husband are prepared for the long difficult road a head.
The therapist can only do so much as long as you two want to give your marriage a second chance to work out. You both have to meet your therapist half way and assist him/her in the questions and not hold any thing back.
Saying that your husband love you and all that is good, but you have to have a serious debate with him and tell him what you expect from him during this difficult time in your marriage with him.
For if he is not serious tell you now and not waste your time and the therapist. He cheated on you and you have every right to cry and get all the bitterness and hatred out of your system towards him and the ex wife.
As that child with the ex wife is getting older which he had with her, while married to you for three months. This child is going to be in his life and you have to ask your self if you can deal with that. Seeing this child coming to see him and calling him ( Daddy ).
Your husband have to come clean as to the relationship with his ex wife as he was still in love with her when he got married to you. You have a mount everest of a task to do and he have to be up to it and not waste your time to give the marriage a second chance. Listen to your gut feelings and go from there and i hope you two can sort things out.
2006-08-15 20:28:01 · answer #4 · answered by Premio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness, what a situation you have there. The answer to your question is YES. Counselling does work if you want it to. I have found that counseling helps you to clarify and decide if you want to stay and persevere with the issue, or just leave. Either way, you need clarity so keep going and work through it. You may find that you don't want him any more due to the pain that he has caused you. At the moment, you are feeling misty, so work through what you want to do until you find the clarity in which you need.
2006-08-15 20:19:32 · answer #5 · answered by cheeky_beth_62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling can work. Although, some people just aren't meant to be. However, I watched this show "1 Week To Save Our Marriage" and in the show this couple had to do several activities to help solve their problems. Ask your marriage counselor if he/she can get the two of you involved in activities that can not only help your marriage but be interesting & fun at the same time because believe me; I witnessed them.
2006-08-15 20:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it can, but I think it depends on the couple and how much each of them want to work it out. I went to counseling alone (kind of wanted to, actually), and my counselor gave me "tools" that I didn't have. Our biggest problems were communication (lack of) and my low self-esteem vs. my husband's tendency to be self absorbed (long story, but it's because of how he grew up; it's just something he's used to). So she gave me tools to help me cope that actually worked. But my husband wants our marriage to work, that was one major thing we agreed on when we got married--we did NOT want this to end in divorce (we both came from divorced families). So NOT working it out isn't an option for us. We're stuck with each other; might as well deal. If two people don't want it to work, or one doesn't, then it won't work. Both people have to be willing to put in 100%.
2006-08-15 20:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's sincere about making the marriage work and for you to forgive him and move forward. Do you love him? Sometimes, people take a long time to realize a mistake...sounds like he realized it quickly and wants to do something about it. I say give it your best sincere effort. Good luck.
2006-08-15 20:11:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage counseling can work but face the facts that baby is a constant reminder and not going away
2006-08-16 06:48:06 · answer #9 · answered by blk man luvs pussc 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, they try to figure you out through text book methods.plus have of them have never married or been divorced.so how would they really know. its a waste of time and money.
2006-08-15 20:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by Cobra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋