my bestfriend told me my husband made a pass at her. He said no. Both swear on God and my dead father.?

Question

I don't know who to believe? She was drunk but swears he came home drunk and while she was fixing the tv, he came behind her and kissed her neck. She swears on the right hand of God, he swears he came home and she was in bed and he didn't drink. He shows no sign of infidelity, I'v been there and can see the signs. I don't know who to believe, my bestfriend of 30yrs or husband of 2 who I Have felt I trusted to no end? She said yes, he said no, he never saw her. Neither will budge on swearing to God or on my dead Fathers grave or my daughters grave?????

Answer 1

What was the point of your best friend of 30 years telling you about this incident? And, probably none of my business, but is she living with you and your husband on a permanent basis or was this just a vacation/visit?

Your marriage comes first even if you have known her longer. You made vows with this man. For the sake of your marriage (and the sake of your friendship), forget she every told you about this and tell her that you will no longer discuss it.

Answer 2

Go with yoUr gut feelings. Who's likely to lie 2 u

I mean does Ur friend have a habit of drinking and being flirty does she over state the truth, has she ever lied about things in the past to u?

How does she feels about Ur husband when she's sober?

Does ur husband have a habit of drinking and doing things he doesn't remember, how does he feels about ur friend when he's sober

Has anyone ever said ur husband flirts do u know of him flirting or being playful?

Has he ever said anything about ur friend that might make u think he likes her?


What u may need to do is get them both together ( sober) and ask them both some questions and see who may be telling the truth.

I don't blame u for not knowing what to do because both are saying two different things.

Could it be that she made the pass at him? could it be that he thought it was u he was coming up behind and kissing.

I think the best thing to do is not allow her to drink around u and ur husband?

U should ask her to show u just how this may have happen, replay the night, but again if she was so drunk how would she remember he made a pass at her?

And also could it be that someone else came up behind her and she blacked out for a few minutes and when she got a little focus the person had already left the room and ur hubby was in the room which would make her think he did it?

Could it be that she was falling ( from being so drunk) he tried to keep her from falling helped her and she took it as he was making a pass at her

Ur gonna have to try to get to the bottom of this if u want to rest and see who u can trust

have her over one day ask her a lot of questions see if she adds subtract or multiply to the story.

Ask him about that night, see what he has to say, then get them both together without telling the other.

Ask who ever else was there if they saw or remember anything.

Dig deep sweetie

I hope u get to the bottom and it was all a mistake

Answer 3

The "being drunk" part complicates things, since people act differently (and stupidly) when they are stoned. And it's easier for them to get confused and misinterpret what really happened.

But ask yourself a few questions: Which one has a better reason to lie to you? Obviously, any husband who made a pass has a reason to deny it. But does your friend have a reason to make up the story? Does she dislike your husband? Is she jealous of him, or does she see him coming between you two friends? Would she like see him out of the picture? Or, on the other hand, does she like him a little too much? Would she like to see YOU out of the picture? Could she be honestly confused? How reliable has she been in the past with things she has told you? Has she made mistakes before in her gossip or exaggerated small things that happened? How about when she is drunk? Has anyone else told you anything like this about your husband? Ask your other friends, and tell them you want the truth.

Answer 4

Somebodies lying. This is a very sticky situation. Have you ever had problems before with this friend of 30 yrs mentioning things like this about other men in your life? If so she might be jealous. What should have been done if this truly happened, your friend should have set you husband straight and told him off in a big big way. She should have handled this. Also, she should have never mentioned this to you. You don't tell true friends things that will hurt them or damage their relationships, for instance a marriage. This could have been delt with without you ever knowing. She could have nipped that **** in the bud right then and there. Now this will linger with you all whether its true or not forever. Not putting all the blame on her but if this is true she could have took care of this. I bet he would have never done it to her again. Unnecessary stress for all of you. Sorry

Answer 5

First of all, why are they swearing on your dead relatives graves, that's horrible! Secondly, if he did do this, there is no way he will admit it. If you don't have proof there really isn't anything you can do. Drinking does strange things to people so write it off to that and maybe be sure just to be on the safe side, that if the 2 of them are both drinking again, you are present. I had a strange, alchol situation when my uncle died and my cousin who was always like a brother to me, infact we were closer than my own brother and I were, but we were all staying at his house after the funeral and his Mom and girlfriend had gone to bed and my husband was sleeping on the floor in the livingroom. My cousin and I had stayed up drinking and talking in the kitchen. I stood up and was standing at the sink and he came up behind me and kissed my neck and grabbed my breast. In shock,(& grossed out, I mean I'm thinking Deliverance here!) I said I had too much to drink and went to bed in the livingroom with my husband and told him what happend. He was mad and wanted to get up and do something but I convinced him it was booze and the emotions of the day. The next day we tried to leave before my cousin got up but didn't make it and while feeling very uncomfortable, nothing was said. I could never bring it up myself and he never tried. I never told anyone else.Nothing to this day has been said and it has been 7 years now. My husband has not forgiven him but I am putting if off to too much booze. I don't want to loose a relationship that means so much to me. We are just now getting back to where we were since his Mom just died recently but I will not be alone with him again. So, what I am saying with all my rambling, is give them both another chance since booze was involved. Try not to let the situation present itself again if possible. If it happens again talk to them both together and decide which one you trust more. I'm sorry to have gone on for so long, but it feels good to have gotten this off my chest too! So thank you and Good luck!

Answer 6

First of all, YOU know these people a heck of a lot better than WE would; so our opinion should really go for nil. Secondly, it's a matter of whom you trust more; is she a friend to the end, or is he someone you've never had reason to mistrust or not believe in. Has he always been trustworthy? Have you ever known him to lie? And, the same goes for her. She could be lying to rip your relationship to shreds (you've been friends with her for 30 yrs & married for 2 yrs). Does she have a man? She may be jealous of you. Or, vice versa, he could be lying to save face. Maybe HE is jealous of your relationship with her.

Either way, there's three sides to every story...his, hers, and the truth. Quite possibly, they both are lying. He could have made a pass at her, and she could have "accepted" it AND reciprocate it. They both would definately be in the wrong then, right??

Answer 7

OK Jazmin your guy was supposed to be drunk did you smell alcohol on his breath ? , were was he that night can anyone vouch for him that he wasn't drinking ?did you smell booze on his breath that night ? ,What would your girlfriend have to gain by lying to you about his actions . ? perhaps she is jealous that hes in your life and she isn't getting the attention anymore Or is it possible that he may have thought that she was you bent over fixing the TV with her back to him Do you and the lady look alike ?
So many questions only you can find the truth but remember once you show your guy that you sided against him with your girlfriend its going to get ugly because he will know that the trust is gone. Be sure and if not just put it aside if he is cheating you ll get your proof soon enough .

Answer 8

Who has more to gain/lose by lying/telling the truth? Do either of them have a good reason to say that it happened the way they say it did? Is she mad at him for anything else? Why was she there to begin with? Where were you? Why was she fixing the television drunk? Why were they both drunk, maybe it started out as something they both decided to do and then she had second thoughts? If she is living with you she needs to move out no matter what happened.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I think you should trust your instincts...deep down you have a feeling on who is lying. Why would your friend of 30yrs lie? You can also find out where he got drunk...if he really did. I mean in my opinion if you want to find out the truth there is always a way you just have to make the initiative.