How do I get my husband to quit his job?

Question

The company he works for doesn't provide, health benefits, 401k, life insurance, nothing. We have 5 kids to think about. We just had a baby and due to not having insurance our hospital bills are in excess of $13,000.00 (Everything that could go wrong did)
I've tried talking to him about it and he still won't find something that will benefit the family.
We have one son with ADHD, one with asthma, and our baby has acid reflux. On top of me needing depression meds. Are we rich? heck No! How can I get him to get another job?

His job doesn't require an alarm clock. they call him when they need him and he's done when they say he is.

The baby is our last. Vasectomy to prove that.
He is a heavy duty tow truck driver and he won't let me work. Doesn't want our kids in day care, or I would go to work.
Don't rain all over me, we do support our family well, I just don't see in spending all the extra money on health issues when we could just pay a premium and know what our cost is every month.

with the type of job he has, he is on call all the time 24/7. So it makes it hard for me to get a job and like I said, he won't put the kids in daycare.
I do try to support my husband, but the kids' needs should be put first.
And stop harping on how many kids we have. We love all 5 of them. All 4 boys, and 1 girl. That's why we have so many, we wanted more than 1 girl. Didn't happen but it's our decision regardless and we don't rely on the state to pay for our kids, we do it ourselves.

Answer 1

Getting another job isn't quite as easy as changing your clothes, but I think you already know that.

What you're asking is how to motivate him to start the search for a similar-paying job in a field or discipline he can succeed in, that ALSO has medical and other benefits.

I'm guessing that part of the reason for his inertia is good - loyalty to the company, stable position, decent income - and although the grass is always greener, he's probably thankful for what he does have at the present job.

Try working WITH him - make a list of what he's good at, what he's accomplished at his present job, etc. In other words, help him to informally start a resume. You both may be surprised how qualified he is to move on, and it may provide the confidence and kick to get him thinking outside the box - at least, outside his current box.

Answer 2

Well, that could be tough depending on what he does and what he is qualified to do. If he doesn't have a degree then he will not have much luck in finding a job with good benefits. Just so you know, you can get health insurance without the job offering it...and sometimes the cost is better than with the company depending on the family and the coverage you want. Not usually, but sometimes you can luck out. One thing you need to know is that anything that has already been diagnosed (ADHD, your depression, asthma) will not likely be covered by any insurance you get. So if you're hoping to suddenly get these things taken care of by insurance, you're out of luck.

YOu may want to consider finding yourself a job. Maybe work on the days he doesn't or work at night so that you can earn money to supplement the income you guys have.

Answer 3

Day care is very harmful to children and I totally applaud your husband for actually wanting his children to receive their birthright - being raised by mommy. I hope you share this committment and aren't just putting this off on him, as indicated by your comment.

You are leaving out important information - what does he like about his job? why does he want to keep it? is he afraid no one else will want him? is he actually resentful of being the breadwinner? does he have a need to have his income off the books? are your rural or urban? What makes you think you can make any adult do anything?

Obviously, with 5 kids, including a brand new baby, you can't work away from your baby.

It is getting harder and harder to get jobs with benefits. Many people I know, including white collar workers, have no benefits.

If the company does provide insurance, your insurance costs might take 400 - 1500/mo out of his pay. Then you'd have just the deductibles for everything. Maybe you should look into getting a catastrophic plan, where you pay insurance only in the case of big bills and you pay the other stuff on on ongoing basis - doctor offices may charge less if you tell them you're paying out of pocket. Or look into joining an HMO. Some states will subsidize low income families in getting health insurance and some states have programs to make sure ALL KIDS have insurance.


Just pay the hospital the very minimum they'll take and pay it without fail monthly. Then, write your congressman monthly and demand universal health care. It's really rather pitiful that someone is supposed to choose a job on the basis of health care coverage.

Approach this as a problem solving matter with your husband. YOu cannot unilaterally tell another adult what to do. This will make many people resistant and stubborn. Ask him what to do and really truly don't ask him in order to prove he needs a new job. Tell him you don't really need him to work at any particular job, you're just tired and worried and you really need his help in solving this problem. WORK TOGETHER. And remember, you decided to have a baby knowing you had no insurance. Don't make this his problem now.

Answer 4

Is there something about his current job that keeps him there? I mean, does he enjoy the work or the people or is it near home or something? If you can figure out what it is that keeps him at his current job and redirect his focus toward another occupation that includes benefits, etc. maybe that would help. Sure, in theory it sounds easy but... you must know what interests him and what motivates him. Encourage him to try something new (that would benefit the family and make him feel good about himself and the work -- but you don't necessarily have to stress those points about the new position). Perhaps he is "stuck in a rut" and he just needs a little help envisioning himself working a completely different job.

It also may help to tell him: John, you are so good at math / smart / strong / funny / persuasive! Maybe you should try accounting / sales / construction / stand up comedy / customer service and really shine! (Yes, okay maybe that's not part of your normal conversations but give him some props and maybe he will become inspired).

Answer 5

Maybe there's more to the equation than you're presenting. Don't delude yourself. Getting a new job is not easy, even for very qualified people. I got layed off a job last year in the field of digital printing. My skills are excellent, my experience deep and thorough. I had a splendid attendance record, and a real reputation among our clients for doing good work.

Digital printing is a wide open field, and theoretically there should be lots of work out there. But the truth is that in the business, like many others, employers would rather hire a younger person at a lower salary, and reduced benefits than hire an experienced older worker.
And because of the twisted standard of age in America, thirty is considered old.

Maybe your husband understands that it will be very hard for him to get a new job.

I wish you luck with your problems. I truly understand them.

Answer 6

Whatever you do, don't nag! That will stop a man in his tracks even if he thinks you might have a good idea. Look in the Sunday paper and search for the jobs that he might be qualified for or maybe something he might enjoy doing. Leave the paper folded beside his chair and hope he finds it. Talk to him in a Loving, caring way. Share with him, the places you have found or heard about and tell him the benefits the other jobs might offer.

Answer 7

Talk to him about it. Tell him exactly why you think he needs to get a better job, and what the benefits of a new workplace would be. But also make sure that he's positive he has a different job before he quits his current one. It's better to have a sucky job then no job at all. Good luck! :)

Answer 8

Well, have you ever thought that he may just be doing the best he can?

It's not asy to walk out on a job into another one these days unles you are highly skilled in a specific field.

If he is just being lazy, that's one thing, but if he is doing the best he can, leave the poor guy alone.

Yep, you have problems, we all do. Share the load!

Answer 9

How can we get you to stop having babies?

If your husband is the one with the pierced tongue in the picture, good luck. What kind of job do you think he is going to land looking like that? He is probably where he belongs. You have too many kids, a dog in the house, a cat in the house, a baby on each tit. I would guess that you are not in the best of shape either.

Best advice: Start walking every day. Remove all piercings from family. Put the dog out, get your tubes tied, start eating right, get your teeth fixed (everyone) and start caring about your health and looks. The rest will fall into place. It is never too late to start caring more.

Beautiful children.

Answer 10

Give him an ultimatum. I would say I was going to work to get health insurance for the family, if he won't! Day care isn't the worst thing in the world!