Ive been dating a married man. From the start he told me: his marriage was a sham, it was for a green card. Its almost over and he will be divorcing soon." I did not belive him. I started to. He calls me 4 times a day. We go everywhere. Ive been to his house and after thoroughly checking for women items, and photos I have found none. His brother is his roomate. After a month of investigating I spent the night w/him. That morning I used his phone since I lost mine, I did not realize i did this but a call came in and I hit the answer button. His wife heard us. She came to his house. He let her in! I said I was a friend. She went biserk, he called the cops, she cut him! I left. He found me walking he apologzed over and over, said she was lying their marriage is fake, she is crazy, he hasnt slept with her in 9 months. Hes putting a restraining order, and he wants me. Not her. I told him take me home. He keeps calling and apologizing, he says he wants me to come back. I want 2 believe him.
2006-08-15 10:59:06 · 17 answers · asked by Romina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Some ppl are saying that maybe he never told her it was for the card only. I think thats false b/c when they were arguing I heard her mention it, she said she was going to divorce him and he "could kiss the card goodbye." She also said to me that he had sex with her that very night I was with him, but b4 he picked me up. He says she a lying *****, that in the beginning the slept together, but they hadnt in 9 months. That he does not want her like that, its just buisness. One thing that makes me believe him, is that he said to her in my hearing range, That if she touched me, he himself would "f*ck her up." I had just gotten out the shower, when I heard her yelling where is she, where is she? I wanna talk to her. after he said that, she said she would never fight a woman for him. So why would he say that to his wife for me If his marriage is NOT fake?!
2006-08-15 11:05:51 · update #1
It doesn't matter what he said.
the fact is they are married and how they conduct their marriage is between them.... I personally wouldn't get involved in such a "drama" because they are married and you knew they were married .... even if they don't share the same home... they admitted to having sexual relations - so the marriage isn't a sham....... it may not be the ideal situation but it is no less a marriage. I seriously doubt he's going to blow the whistle on their marriage for green card because he helped perpetrate the fraud and would also find himself facing charges.
So do you really want this type of person :a liar, cheat and an adulterer for a real relationship?
2006-08-15 11:25:48 · answer #1 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely his marriage is NOT fake. Your best bet is to stay out of his life until he can get his sh** with her in order. This is really a mess and this is the folly of being involved with a married person. Whether the marriage is for a green card or not is NOT the issue. The issue here is that he's still married. Use your head and don't be a part of the problem.
2006-08-15 18:17:09 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether the marriage is a fake or not what you've got to ask yourself is, Do I really want this much drama in my life? Do you really want to be with someone who is married fake or not. A relationship is hard enough under the best of circumstances when you put something like this in the mix it gets alot harder. If you do feel like this is someone you want to be with then why not take a cool down period. Tell him that he can come back after his divorce is final. And then after that time if he still wants to be with you proceed VERY CAUTIOUSLY! Who knows you may find someone else without all the hype.
2006-08-15 18:13:25 · answer #3 · answered by nixinvestigations 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a firm believer in gut insintct, you know, that little voice in the back of your mind that just tells you something's not right? When I choose to listen to mine, it never leads me wrong. Never. So I'm afraid, sweetie, that if you're questioning him, then deep inside, you already know the answer. You just want someone to tell you it's not true. And unfortunately none of us can do that. He might be telling you the truth--maybe his wife ended up falling in love with him over the months/years they've been together--and he might very well care very deeply for you. But you deserve better, honey. You deserve a man who will worship the ground you walk on and not make you cry in anquish over whether or not he's telling you the truth.
Good luck to you. It's a hard situation. Do for yourself, first.
2006-08-15 18:16:11 · answer #4 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like he and his wife are involved in some kind of unhealthy power game...
like she wants him and is trying to use the green card as a pitiful way of exerting power to keep him, and he is allowing this.
I think he probably really wants you.
Just that that doesn't help you one bit, because he isn't able to get his actions in line with his feelings. He isn't in a position to ask you to stay as long as he is involved in this unhealthy situation with his wife. It's a very unfortunate position to be in, of course, to depend on someone for being able to stay in the country. But maybe there is a different way of solving the "green card" problem? Because as long as he is involved like this with his wife (even if there is absolutely no love or sex), you will suffer from it too.
So out of self-respect, it would be best if you could tell him to get that sorted out, i.e. get a divorce and no longer depend on this woman, first. And contact you again then.
All the best to you.
... It's so tempting to endure being hurt just because you believe in the good in the other person and understand their limitations. Just because you know they mean well, but for some reason or other "can't" do well. Especially when you're in love. It has taken me sooooooo long just to grasp the concept that simply to save myself from being used and hurt I have to go by people's actions, not by what they say or by what they feel. Not by their good intentions. Because otherwise, while you're thinking about them, no one is thinking about you. You matter so much!!!
The only thing that's relevant to you is - is he really giving you the love you deserve? Treating you as your self-respect commands that you be treated? Does this feel good and make you happy?
2006-08-15 18:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs to get a divorce from his wife before he starts something with you. He should have done that 9 months ago. Tell him when he gets the divorce to call you and not before. Good luck.
2006-08-15 18:11:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a idiot.........you should run as far as you can. Take it from someone who knows. If he cheated on her the trust me my friend he will cheat on you. Why would u even want to put yourself in a situation like that cause there are alot of single men out there. Leave the married ones alone.
2006-08-15 18:07:33 · answer #7 · answered by dm1003 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very easy. Believe him, but get the hell away! It REALLY doesn't matter if he's telling the truth. Both scenarios prove he is an asshole who is disrespecting at least one woman, probably two. If he disrespects her that way, he'll disrespect you eventually. I've been in bad places before and I know you'll ignore my advice. Good luck.
2006-08-15 18:17:23 · answer #8 · answered by Edward T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want the relationship to continue, you will need to proceed cautiously. Keep you eyes open and stay alert to clues in his apartment and in what he says and how he behaves. The truth always rises to the surface.
2006-08-15 18:05:53 · answer #9 · answered by Cary Grant 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that caution is definitely warranted here...be very careful. I think you should probably wait until he is divorced to proceed with any further activities with him. It is just safer that way.
Good luck.
2006-08-15 18:14:55 · answer #10 · answered by Walter J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋