Family and not getting close to anyone?

Question

I'm 21 years old and don't have a boyfriend yet. I want one but everytime I try I keep thinking about my family. Their all right but my Mom, Dad, and brother fight a whole lot. When they fight they pretty much say every curse word you can think of. They also do other stuff too like just blowing up for nothing I'm like what the point of letting anyone get close to me if it going end up like that. Is there anyway I can change my mind and should I even try?

Answer 1

Move faaaaaaaaaaaar away from your dysfunctional male family members and find someone not like them.

Answer 2

It's sad that your family is in constant war. But it does not mean you have to be the same. I absolutely think you should try having a relationship. I also advice you do not copy what your living at you house. Be different. You seem mature enough to do so. Hey, if you parent's are still together it means in some way they still love eachother. It's seems weird but if they didn't I figure they would not be together. Let them worry about their relationship. You are to pay no mind and when they argue, just walk out of the house and you wont have to hear them. There is nothing you can do. Just do what you have to do. They are not considering you at all when they do this in front of you. It's not a good situation but you have to have a life too. Your already 21 and it's time you move out as soon as posible if you work or have the posibilities to do so. I WISH YOU FOR YOU THE BEST

Answer 3

Well, just be cautious with who you choose, most often people choose people they a) are very much like or b)they remind you of your family
Because that is your ulitmate trust and comfort zone... Even if it does make you crazy.

The best thing to do, is to let her self go with the flow. Hang out with male friends, and decide what you like about them, and what you dislike, and try to find those qaulities in other people, that you find are potiental boyfriends.

First, understand why your mother and father are together, your brother, probably picked up his 'tude' by watching your parents, males are more likely influenced by the parents, while females, are more influenced by their social activities.
Try to understand what the arguements are about, and why they happened, even if it seems like no reason, sometimes it's stress from work, or aggitation. Your mom could be going through her menopause, which means, your father is getting the 'no sex' which could lead to his frustrations. Anything is possible, you really have to find the root of the problem.

Once you understand the root of the problem, you could face those problems in your future, more adeqautly than your parents.
You cant run away from problems and confrontations, and you shouldn't avoid them either, You need to stand up, and be the 'right' person, and be able to accept when you're wrong, or when you're right, and when it matters, if you're right or wrong about a certain situation, this alone avoids confrontation. Being proven right, is better than telling someone else hwo right you are....

Be with someone who has the same situation? no, because they are more likely to be that way, again males tend to be more like the parents, than the lady does.

Generally, dont be afraid of being close to someone, because that alone can cause confrontation, dont be afraid of trusting someone, or being good with communcations, communcation is key, and the closer you are to someone, the LESS confrontation.

So, open up to someone, and let them know your fear of confrontation, and start a relationship, sharing every little feeling you have, and convince them to do the same.

Answer 4

it could mean you need to find a flat or your own house to live in as these things can cause you to do some stupid thing like drinking to releive the pain like I did,or something different and you are at the age to go out and try living in a different enviroment so you are away from this. It may settle down at home with it being a shock to your family and not sure how old your brother is but sure he will be fine and the initial shock would be more than enough for them to look at themselves and see what damage is being done. This may also build your confidence of getting a boy friend that will be comfort while you are not living at home but make sure you stay in contact with them.

Answer 5

Hi, usually in this kind of situation there is nothing to help you and your family, except a complete spiritual change and for the change the individual will need to really want that change. The Bible says that: "Those who call upon the name of the Lord Jesus, shall be saved!!!" and this includes your family. Really mean it in your heart of your intentions and say: "Jesus??? can you help me and my family??? I really need your help!!! I would really like to hear from you and my yahoo ID is intercepter60 and you can talk or chat with me and to me anytime! I want to tell you that a boyfriend is not going to make you any happier, if you are already experiencing other problems, cause you will behave and explode in like manner as your family members, cause it is now engrained and recorded into your mental being, and now when you or your family members are put in a certain situation or something over whelming, like financial problems, character and behavioral weakness, family members not getting their way, something that doesn't make them feel good all are just some reasons that will cause them to explode. There is no real solution to your situation, except through Jesus, and you will need to really want that change and you can only change yourself, your family members will have to change on thier own. I can tell you a lot more, but this is not a place right now to help you, ok? Make good choices and take good care of yourself, otherwise, why go on if you don't love yourself enough to take care of yourself ok?

Answer 6

You don't have to end up like them. The first step in breaking the cycle is recognition of the problem...you're already there. It takes a bright individual to realize that something isn't right in their own family world. It seems to me that you've separated yourself from their 'madness', which is great! Through observing all of their behaviors, you can incorporate the good ones into a relationship of your own and discard the bad or inappropriate ones. You CAN find a meaningful and healthy relationship as long as you stay strong and focused on not coninuing the pattern of your family's behavior.

Answer 7

you are fortunate to see the dysfuntcion in your family. Now you can make sure that it stops with your generation.

I know my sister & I made a choice to stop passive agressivness that has been in our family. There is a family histroy of anxiety, blame, back stabbing, complaining, bitterness etc. Well, it stops here.
There is a book that saved my sanity and it is called The Dance of Anger. It saved me and helped me change so much of me.

Don't let your family history keep you from haveing a good life.
You have taken that first step in admitting that your family has a problem. Now you can make changes.
Get some counseling & be glad that you can make a good life for yourself.

Answer 8

You Should try to get close to someone cause you can't let your family miserably get to you cause at the end of the day you'll have someone to talk to not fight and you feel good about and if you don't you are the one that's going to be lonely not them

Answer 9

Your 21, get out of the house and get your own place! Then, after you've found someone that interests you enough that you want to introduce to your family, warn him. EVERYONE has family that embarrasses them. Whether its a crazy uncle or a grandma with a drinking problem! Otherwise, whats your alternative? wait 'til they're all dead to start dating?!! Good luck to ya!

Answer 10

Pick the things out about your family that you like and the things that you don't like, Now everything you don't like, don't become that and everything that you do like, emphasize it. As for introducing people to your family, not body has a perfect family. Inform future friends of yours that your family can be "high strung" at times and then just limit the time that you spend with them.