Are you a step-father? Or ladies, do your children have a step-father?

Question

Are you married to a man with no children, but you have 2 or more from a previous relationship. If so, what was it like in the beginning for you? Did he accept the children right away, or did he have to get used to it?
Men whose dating or is married to a woman with children, but you don't have any, tell me your story as well. How did you learn to take on responsibility as step-daddy.

Answer 1

Well I'm not a man but I did have two children before I married my current husband. At first he liked my oldest daughter better than my son :) She was about 4 and my son was just a baby. She could do things for herself and you could play with her. He connected with her right away. My son on the other hand took longer. I think maybe my husband was a little jealous of all the time my son spent with me. He probably wouldn't admit to it though. When I got pregnant with his baby he changed even more. We had a little girl. He adores her more than the other two but he treats them basically the same. Over time they have chosen to call him Dad. And they know he would do anything for them. He doesn't have as big of a role in disciplining them as I do but my oldest daughter and my son have never once said to him your not my father! My oldest is 10. He is the only provider for any of the children and when he has the chance spoils them. He loves them all. My oldest has already requested he walk her down the aisle when she gets married. There is an adjustment time but a good man who is willing to take the time will make a good step father/father however you want to look at it.

Answer 2

This question touches me deeply. I was married to a woman who had exactly two children. I had none. The process was easy, they both accepted me right away. The boy was 9 the girl was 4. I understood from the get go, I would have to be there for them (since their biological fathers were not), and that they were important to my wife. We grew a very close relationship and for the first 6 years everything went quite well.

Since their biological fathers abandoned them we were spared from the jealousy and heartaches that come from men that don't want their children raised by some stranger.

When puberty comes and children want their freedom, that is the time in which step fathers are really put to the test. How do you instruct a 16 year old boy that he even if he feels he is ready to make certain decisions, the grown ups have the final word and the grown yps e say no, without him arguing "You are not my father, you have no rights over me"

Every step father will have to face that argument, whether you are a good parent or not.

Today I am divorced, my biological son lives with me, along as my 21 year old step daughter. She even says she wants ME to take care of her children instead of her mother in law or her own mother. Can you believe it?

Answer 3

I am a step-mom to a 10 year old girl and I am 23 years old. when I meet her dad I was 18 years old, at first I did not know my boyfriend at the time had a child nor did I want ever to have any kids, I had never dated anyone with children so a month or two in to the relationship I heard a little person’s voice in the background over the phone and I asked who is that he said “my daughter”!!!!!! I was so freaked I admittedly hung up the phone, my mother was right there and made me call him back, I am glad I did me and her are very close she looks just like me every where we go we always get she is a spitting image of you, she talks to me about anything and every thing, I am not saying that everything was always this great we had our ups and downs and I am sure there are more to come you just have to stay strong and always treat your step children like your own and image if your child was put in that kind of situation how you would like them to be treated. I could go on and on about this subject, but I will only say a few more words of advise take your step children on outing not with there real mom/dad just stepparent and step child talk to them often and be open with them and don’t do not talk bad about there mom/dad they will never forget that.

-Teena

Answer 4

I am married to a man that has children and i have children too.It is always new and problems arise at times.We decided we were going to work together as a couple and never take sides with the children.I cant say everyday is easy.But i can say if two people love and respect each other it will work.Ididnt take the role as step mom.I just told them before we got married i wasnt trying to replace their mother and he said he wasnt trying to replace their dad.My husband shows respect for my children and they return it i do the same with his.I have a teenager still with us the rest are all grown on their own and our teenager(our) has rules to follow and he knows if he breaks one what the deal is and i support my husband and 99% of the time we have a smooth running house.

Answer 5

I was young when my first child was born, I was 17. His biological dad hasnt had anything to do with him and he is now 5. My husband, whom I started dating again at age 18, has always accepted my son and even included my son in everything we did before we were married. He knew that I was coming into a relationship with a child and he was fine with it and even taught my son to call him daddy which he still does to this day. I think for some men its hard, but it didnt seem at all hard for my husband and my son to be around each other.

Answer 6

When my current husband and i got married I had two children from my previous marriage. He has always treated them with love. It was important to me to encourage their relationship while we were dating. I couldn't have married someone who wouldn't care for my children.

It was tough for all of us for the first year or so. He was used to his space and privacy, and I had my own way of doing things. My daughter was used to sleeping with me (she was 4) and she didn't like giving that up. We worked some things out before the marriage, like giving my daughter a sleeping bag on the floor on my side of the bedroom and his learning to put the toilet seat down!

It was a lot for him to take on, especially because he had lived alone for fifteen years. The adjustments were very tough. But worth it.

Answer 7

well i look at it like this its a package deal either he loves you and the children or nothing at all!!! I met my wife when she had her son that was a month old....and at the time i was 18 and i really cared for her and i grew to love "our" son like my own. but being that young now that i think about it ....i wasn't ready for all the drama that it entailed!!!! I was constantly criticized about the whole issue....i would hear "she is just looking for a daddy for her son". and "you're too young for a ready made family" and this was from friends and family!!! but i love her and we still are together today 5 years later!!! the only problem is the that when it comes to disciplining our son, she can say whatever but if i raise my voice or spank him she make s me feel like i shouldn't have done it. it always seems to be a problem

Answer 8

I have one child with my ex-wife. When we split up, she oviously took the kid. Anyways I took on the responsibility of a 3 month old baby boy when I got with my lady I'm with now. I've already been through the raising up a child part, so I basically knew more about helping her raise our son. It's a big responsibility really. When we first got together, it wasn't like we knew that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together (and still don't but it's most likely), but children are children, they're god's gift. A child needs to grow up with both mom & dad, and I'm willing to step up and give him that. I'm 24 years old, and been through a life of hell & back but times are now, and things have changed....


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Answer 9

I was 3 months pregnant when I met my husband. He was there for the delivery of my child even though he had no obligation to do so. He has loved him sooo much every day since then. He is a wonderful man. We now have a 2nd child and a 3rd on the way.

Answer 10

my husband took right up with my children, but, they kind of shyed away from him at first, now they all get along like a bunch of kids they have alot of fun together. we have been married for 4 years.