We have been together for 5 years. She is 23 and I am 25.
She told me about 6 months ago that she really wanted to start trying for a baby.
I told her that we can start trying to conceive next year because our house will be paid off then.
We will have $0 debt next year and I want to be 100% financially stable when she gets pregnant.
With no mortgage payment we will have $2400 a month for a baby, retirement, college savings, etc.
She agreed to wait, but I can tell she is upset.
She talks about babies a lot and I get the vibe that her feelings are hurt that we will be together for 6-7 years before she is even pregnant.
To make it worse, her friend just got pregnant by her boyfriend of a year.
What do I do to comfort her? We have a dog, so its not like I can give her something to practice with.
What can I do to get her mind off of a baby until next year?
I am going to give her a baby, its just not the right time now.
2006-08-15 10:28:55 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As a woman, i know how she feels. If she understands the logistics of not getting pregnant until next year, that's great!!! Unfortunately, there's no getting the feelings to go away. She wants a baby, and her friend is pregnant. Most women lust after the idea of being pregnant with a close friend. I've got to say, I really wish that I had that luxury. I'd say, just continue to talk to her about it, and build up how great it will be if you wait. Good Luck!! ~~~
2006-08-15 10:33:50 · answer #1 · answered by AMY 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy Cow! you'll actually have your mortgage paid off! And your 25!!!
Look, lots of people have kids and still pay a mortgage, or rent, and do just fine financially. Unless of course this is how you'll afford to have one of you stay home with the baby, I wouldn't worry so much about it.
I don't know what you're doing to avoid having a baby now, but consider the following:
1) It takes most women about 3 months for the effects of the birth control pill to leave the system, before they can even get pregnant.
2) It takes most couples who are trying to have a baby about 6 months to get pregnant.
I'm thinking you told her you would wait a year 6 months ago, it probably would be at just that year mark by the time she got pregnant anyway.
This would probably be a good time to come up with a compromise. Agree to use the rest of the birth control supplies you have, and then stop. This isn't actively trying to have a baby, you don't want to hear her say "I'm fertile, so we need to make love now!" or anything like that, this is just a transitory time of letting whatever might happen, just happen.
Best wishes!
2006-08-15 11:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by daisyk 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ideally its a good idea to discuss and agree on parenthood issues prior to marriage and in a perfect world have children when we're financially stable, however we tend to forget what "IF" and ultimately we can plan all we want but things will turn out as God, the higher power, spirit, destiny or whatever your beliefs may be that governs you decides.
I used to think just like you when I was in my 20's but life has taught me that we cant always plan these things , especially when it comes to bringing another life to this world. Can you imagine (... forbid) something occurs which impedes you from being debt free next year or meeting you financial goals indefinitely , then what would you do??.
From experience (4 kids- 2 planned/2 unplanned) ,I can certainly say more important than financial stability , you need marital and individual stability and lots of time and patience to have and raise children.
Dont wait, besides you may be trying for a while and it may happen at just the right time!!
I hope you're able to accomplish your goals successfully and certainly happy/ healthy babies.
2006-08-15 11:16:05 · answer #3 · answered by klyncher 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a women 9 months to have a baby. Who says that she will even get pregnant when you guys start trying. If you have been with that women for 6-7 years she deserves a baby. on top of that U have to communicate with her so you guys can start planning. You can figure out from the time that the house will be paid off next year and start planning the baby. Now on the other hand if U R not ready U need to be honest with your wife and tell her. Are U ready To be A Father? That's the question!
2006-08-15 10:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a toughy...But since you all have communicated with each other regarding this situatiton, it over the topic should not be discussed anymore.
From past experience. My husband and I waited 11 years to have our second. I truly understand how she feels. From a woman's point of view I think that you did a good job. Believe me she'll be fine. Having a baby just seals the deal and fulfills womanhood.
She may be hurt but I am pretty sure that she appreciates you for thinking of the well being of you all's future and the stability that your child or children will have. She"ll get over it sooner than you think.
A lot more people should think like that before jumping into having a baby, which takes a lot of hard work including having the money, how expensive things are nowadays just imagine what it will be like 5 years from now.
Just be patient and consider her feelings when dealing with this topic.
Everything will work out just fine.
2006-08-15 10:42:30 · answer #5 · answered by sweetcincylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A dog? yeah I know why her feelings are hurt.
Really... in a year? Are you sure. When is EVER the right time to have a baby. Maybe in a year there will be a new issue... what will you put her off for then?
Hmmm it takes some time to get pregnant... 1-2 months....
then 9 months to be pregnant...
that's 10 or 11 months. Hey its almost a YEAR by that time.
You sound like you have stuff financially figured, so I'll bet you have an insurance plan & your doc visits are covered.
Life is too short.
Someone once told me if you DONT want kids... DONT get married.
Dr Phill even said once, on national TV.
He REGRETED getting a vasectemy - limiting his wife to just two kids.
He says this was one of his biggest regrets.
Be very careful!
If you love her you HAD better make sure she will not resent you for this DECISION you have made for her!
2006-08-15 10:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by DrVodka 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being selfish.
You clearly have enough money to support a child. You don't have to be debt free, you don't have to be in perfect financial situation. Starting a family is way way more important than these trivial financial details.
If you are prepared emotionally to start a family then do it. If you are not prepared, get prepared. Stop using money as an excuse.
The fact that you would use the term "give her a baby" implies that you really need to get your head changed. You don't "give" your wife a baby. Its yours too. You will have it and raise it together. It will be the most important thing in your life. It matters way way more than your bank account.
Think about this. Talk to your wife. Grow up. Recognise priorities. Stop making excuses and pretenses. Do it now. Don't "give her a baby". Start a family with her. Start working at it now.
2006-08-15 10:38:34 · answer #7 · answered by enginerd 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just talk to her. You sound like a very loving and caring husband. When a women wants a baby and has made that decision it is pretty hard to get her mind off of it. Maybe you can compromise with her and start trying a month or two before your last payment. All I can say is just be there for her. We do understand where you are coming from and respect that you want to be financially stable but we get ourselves so excited. Good luck!!!!
2006-08-15 10:35:59 · answer #8 · answered by tpurtygrl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's very admirable that you want to wait until you are financially stable. Her heart is set on having a baby now, and so that is all she is listening to; her heart. She needs to listen to her mind too, because it will be best for your family. Try to explain to her how much better off you two and your baby will be if you can give the baby everything it needs. Ask her how bad she would feel if the baby needed something, and you couldn't afford it, or if it created more financial problems in the future and you dug yourselves farther into debt? Take your time, don't fight. You don't want this to put a strain on your relationship.
2006-08-15 10:35:06 · answer #9 · answered by parachute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buy her a weekend at the spa or whatever she REALLY likes to do. Or so you can BOTH have fun. Go on vacation. It dosen't have to be far just get out of town and do stuff for a week or so. Keep busy and don't spend too much money though. 6-7 years married without having a baby is perfectly normal. That's about how long you should be married. Tell her not to worry.
2006-08-15 10:36:29 · answer #10 · answered by centreofclassicrock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋